The Blue Rose Journal

Figuring It Out and Getting On With My Journey

2012-01-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

Today I started anew with my resolutions and regimes. Better to get back to it rather than fail now and just keep with the old ways, right?

I have decided that I want to go for management at my job...but I want to do it the right way.

There is a woman at work who wants it too, and while we can both be in management, she thinks that the only way to get there is to throw people under the bus, back stab them and start things that she shouldn't. She also believes in butt kissing to get there. She scares me because I know she will do the same to the manager we have who is helping her get there.

I don't want to be like that. I want to do this with honesty, integrity and respect for myself and the job I wish to do in the future! I don't want anyone to think I did anything to harm another in my quest to get a better job.

I will talk to the boss on Monday, but right now I am figuring out what I NEED to do to get to the position.

I need training in all areas of work, yes, and I am willing to learn. This will give me more hours and will help me with the other parts of this quest I plan to take since I don't expect this to happen over night, I want to take time to learn each job and be good at it.

The second part is one of physical need. I cannot be a representation of the company if I don't look like I care about myself...good thing I started my resolutions, eh?

There is one part of my personal appearance that I don't like and will take a few hundred dollars to fix, my teeth. I need to see a dentist and mercifully I have dental insurance, but the remainder of the cost that isn't covered will be mine to pay, and in order to do that, I need more hours at work, so in the training, I will get those hours so that I can be able to get my teeth fixed and in turn be more confident in going for the management job. Viscous fun circle but one that will lead to good.

And transportation is something else I want to work on. I need a car and to go for my license once again. I think that will be detrimental because I may have to DRIVE somewhere for my job sometime.

The other parts of getting this job will rely on MY attitude and how I treat others at work and whom I work with.

I know I said I was going to add new resolutions at the beginning of every month, but I think this one already falls into what I am trying to do in attitude. I will do my level best each day to be positive and have a great attitude while working, even when people are being horrid.

We have at least a few of those at work, and I am going to counteract their bad with my good, and prayer, thanking God for what I do and asking for His help each day in going the extra mile to make it a good place to work.

I love my job, and most of the people there, but I need to show that more often.

I am going to the boss on Monday and talking to her about this, and hopefully with prayer she is willing to help me and show me everything I need to do and learn. I want to try to accomplish the management position by December of this year.

I know I can do this! I have faith in God and myself!

Day 12 Of Resolutions

2012-01-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, so far not so great on the resolution front.

I have slipped in many areas, and have had trouble fixing the situations, but I am not backing down, I will prevail and start again!

The problem it seems, is in my sleeping habits. I cannot get to bed at a reasonable hour without insomnia taking hold of me. To many things are worrying me and bothering me and I can't sleep.

Between loosing hours at work and fear of many things these days, along with drinking coffee all day and taking naps in the middle of the day, I don't think these things are helping. I think it is depression causing this in me!

I have resolved to take something natural and safe, and non habit forming to help me get to sleep regularly. I am also resolved to figuring out what is going on and why I need to do this!!

In the last 7 days, I have done my regimes sparingly and barely gotten to read the Bible, but I am easily catching up. I know this is from the daytime naps and the depression and worries I am facing.

The other problem is that I have so many days off, I don't even think about doing my routines or getting up at a reasonable hour, and I should think of them the same way I do my work days. Will resolve to work on this one!

I am working on a plan to stop all of that, and I plan to talk to my boss as soon as I come up with a thought on what will help out.

I am obsessed with Bridget Jone's Diary, and working like mad in my own journal. I think it is that she has inspired me to continue on with my resolutions even though I am failing miserably.

I am still looking for my "thing" and it still hasn't shown itself, but I am trying very hard to figure it out. I am getting closer and closer to it, I think.

I have continued to pray and to think positive thoughts.

I shall prevail in this! I will just get back on the horse and start riding again! If I fall off, I will keep going! I can do this!!

Happy Birthday To Me

2012-01-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

I am 42 today. No big difference really except a need to do things that I have always done and do the thing I promised myself I would do.

So far my resolutions are five days in and I am doing well. I am happy about that, but thinking of the next steps in getting things rolling. I want to wait on one or two so that I know I am in these good habits.

I have been keeping an old fashioned journal lately and keeping up with it. I am proud of myself there. I am documenting my Resolutions Journey there as well.

I am so far caught up on my plan to read the Bible in a year, and have been praying. Things are going well so far.

Writing is stalled right now, and I am not sure where to go next because everything gets jumbled in the mix of things.

I know that all of my new habits will take at least 28 days to become ongoing habits, but I find myself trying to slip backwards, again, it has only been five days into it and I have to think positively here and work hard to make sure I continue on.

Next month I will add a new habit to the ones I am creating and work hard on it.

I am still working on finding my "thing" in life. You know what I mean...that one thing that I get as caught up in as I do anything else. Some people have reading and doing reviews, some have specific blogs they do on one subject or another, others have crafts and hobbies or Church and causes they get into, I want something that is MINE and I can encourage others with like they do, something to connect with others. I am still looking for it.

I have decided to go backwards in my Jane Austen reading and begin this year with her from Pride & Prejudice and move onward. I know many would call me obsessed in this, but I love Jane and I think that there is something awesome about her work that has survived two centuries. I am working on my blog now.

I know that the forum and blog for Awaiting Diana may be dead, and I am sad about that, but I am trying to find a way to save it somehow, but it looks like that may be a dead issue, but I will continue to try and do what I can to make this work for now. I had a lot of love invested in it and we are dreadfully behind and not doing anything with it.

I will find my thing and see what I can do with everything in all aspects of thing and try to keep up with it all. I can't wait to see what happens in 2012. I still need to go to church though. I will get there.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T09:17:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012 everyone!

Yes, it is that time of year when we all sit down and make those resolutions that we break within 10 minutes of the new year, but it is always fun to try!

For years, I kept a resolution I made which was to make NO resolutions for 10 years because I didn't want to disappoint myself..well, I didn't disappoint myself I kept that resolution.

I began again in the last two years to make resolutions and wasn't able to keep up with them because my expectations of myself were too high. This year I am doing it differently!

As you read in my last post, I have many plans for the new year, things that will change me and make my life journey with God better and stronger. The problem is in KEEPING these resolutions and working them.

I have decided to start today with the basic ones and the ones that form habits that will last and become automatic, since new habits take twenty eight days to form, I figured that I would start with basics and add new ones each month until I had them all. Though the first month is going to be the hardest since I am putting the biggest ones into play first so that the smaller ones can be added with ease into my daily routine.

Starting today, I am going to begin my daily beauty regime, read the Word of God in a year and pray more. I am also going to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night and try to get myself into a regular pattern of sleep and waking.

Beauty regime includes a morning ritual of adding my Clinique system to brushing my teeth and hair. This includes the face wash, Clarifying lotion, moisturizer, All About Eyes (which is a Godsend for puffy eyes and black circles), and City Block which is an SPF 25 suntan lotion for faces alone (in the spring, I will up it to SPF 45). I am tired of looking like I am tired and sick all the time in the face because I can't keep my skin from being nasty...I am taking control!

The next step is vitamins and breakfast, complete with a glass of orange juice and a little Christian music before going on to the next two steps.

I am also incorporating a manicure of sorts every morning. I have a nail growth formula that I put on in the mornings, cuticle massage cream, Clinique's Comfort on Call (which I use specifically for the psoriasis on my left hand and in both of my ears only), and a hand, nail and cuticle hand cream. This system takes about 5 minutes to do since the nail growth formula dries quickly. I also do this at night after my shower.

This regime requires me to actually get up a half hour to forty five minutes earlier than I used to. I was getting up fifteen minutes before I had to be on the bus and rushing through it all, I am not going to do that anymore, I am going to enjoy getting up and taking care of myself.

The nightly routine will be similar except adding in a shower and a few little things there, and switching out the City Block for the Turnaround Night Cream...it has worked for me in the past and I know it will work for me again. I don't mind getting older, I DO mind looking older than I AM!

In the afternoons, I am planning to read the Bible in a year...the Catholic Bible. I have a wonderful reading plan and a need to read the word.

I also plan to pray every chance I get.

I am also going to start with working on a positive attitude for work and for my life.

The next resolution is to find my thing in life...that thing that gives me purpose. I love writing, and I will work on that, but there may be something else I can do that can connect me with others and make me happy.

I know this is a lot for me to start with, but right now, it is what will help me set the tone for this year and the years to come.

I am also resolving as of this moment to make this a Jane Austen kind of year as well, see what that does for my writing and for me.

Next month I will add more to the list of things to do, or change them out a bit. I think I can do this!!

My New Year's Resolutions 2012

2011-12-31T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of 2011. So much has happened that at this moment I am both sad and happy to see it all end.

From gaining and loosing friends in a world where everything should have been fun and playful I learned that even reality can sometimes throw you unexpected twists and curves, pain and laughter.

I went from poverty to pulling myself up by the grace of God and my aunt to now sitting here at the edge of being where I need to be.

So what does this mean for me on this last day of a turbulent year? What do I take away from it?

The answer is simple...I am stronger, smarter and a lot more capable than I can possibly imagine.

I learned that even though the bad happened, I still love no matter what...I still care what happens and nothing can change that.

Having Emma has also taught me that even I need some form of companionship in my life even if that companion's only form of communication is to purr, meow and rub against me...even if she can drive me nuts BEING a kitten doing things that she knows she shouldn't...she is still my baby and she will always be. I learned to put her needs alongside my own and be joyful with her here.

I also learned that my family is a rock and they love me dearly-those of blood and those whom I have adopted to BE mine always...like God has chosen ME to be His.

I know that 2012 will be different. I was told so by God Himself...I just have to do what is necessary for that to happen...not just wait and see if it does.

This year my resolutions are basic but complex at the same time. Every one of the things I wish to accomplish in the new year will be a step in the direction towards that end.

You see, I have watched others do what I always want to do-write, review books, and just have SOMETHING they do that is their own. I want those things for myself and for the people around me.

The first resolution will be my daily walk with God and how I live in this life again. I know that somewhere in this walk is the answer to the last part of what I want...something that is my own, given to me to do by God. So, the Word will be a part of that walk...will I blog about it? Possibly, and probably on this blog because it is the only one that seems to survive in the world.

I will read the Word, pray, love and read daily devotions, which is something He told me that I must do. He did it through a young woman I work with who is mostly spiritual and has had a harder journey than I have with her walk. SHE had become my Secret Santa at work, and she was guided by God in many respects to actually SHOW me this...she gave me a Devotional called Heaven Calling, so yeah, for me that absolutely showed me the exactly WHAT He wants of me.

I am also resolved to get my skin, hair and nails looking healthier and nicer. I don't want to strive for Cosmo beautiful, but Karollynn beautiful on the outside to match the Karollynn inside.

The next resolution is to get myself organized and into a basic routine. This will be a tougher one, because it mostly takes about 28 days to establish a new habit...and one day to break the habit.

Ok, ok, I get it...I know that I am lazy and NEED some guidance in this particular one, but I am strong and if I pray as I should I should be able to get this one started.

This resolution will begin with getting out of bed and not only brushing my teeth and hair and getting the sleep out of my eyes and getting dressed before quickly feeding Emma, having a cup of coffee and going to the bus stop then coming home and showering and getting online and playing until it is time to go to bed.....sooo much more my friends.

You see, in order to ADD the Spiritual into this, my walk with God MUST begin each day with His word and prayer.

Up until now I have managed to get up and everything done and out the door in 15 minutes, up at 6 a.m. and out the door by 6:15 a.m every day...this left barely any time for anything else.

Starting tomorrow, the new routine goes into affect. I will work towards getting up an hour and a 15 minutes before going to work in order to do my morning thing, which will now include one of my favorite routines-my Clinique three step system, which funny enough, is actually 5 steps when you include the eyes and sunscreen.

I will also begin each day with not only a prayer, Scripture and devotion but with breakfast and vitamins so the inside can be physically healthy too.

The goal here: To be Spiritually, topically, physically and mentally healthier this year.

This routine will continue through to the evening when I am getting ready for bed too...only switching out one product, and be added to the night time routine.

The night time routine will not only include this, but more walking with God in Scripture and in prayers...even though I am Catholic, I am also in need of something more so maybe I can work with that too...I don't wish to evangelize or to proclaim it all in a rapturous way, just to LIVE it for now...that probably IS the key to evangelizing.

I know this all seems a lot, yet not but if I start out this way, maybe it won't be so hard to do by the end of the year.

I know that this year will be a good one. God told me so, but at the same time, I know there is something more He wishes of me...and I am going to find out.

I asked Him to help me use my gifts and talents this year to glorify Him and to show who I am and what I can be.

You see, as I have watched the Albany Georgia church-Sherwood Baptist making movies, and watching Alex and Stephen Kendall use their talents alongside others who have been touched by God, I am feeling the PUSH by God to do the same for myself and for Him. I love the movies that Sherwood has made because you DO see a commitment and a love for Him that has made this hard journey they are on worth the effort...to give what they can to a world starving for something that is more than money or food. I want to do this for myself. I want to BE more for Him! Sherwood Baptist Church

There are other little things along this route that I want to do. I want to continue on with my blogging and with my Austen blog, make it better...maybe there is something in there that will show me MORE of what I am supposed to do.

I may even extend outwards and find a way to start writing a review blog or something. I have been looking at others and thinking that maybe I can do it or maybe I can just sit back and enjoy what they do too, maybe I can get involved with that in some form. Time will tell and we shall see.

There will be other little things I will do and add to my life to improve it and to make it better. I will be working on my temper more (even though I learned to control it, I see where I can improve on it in more ways), working on the little things that I see that need the work as I go. I will also be working hard to be more knowledgeable in things so I can make decisions that are right for me and are good and just. I will be learning as much as I can...and doing so without reservations.

It has been time for many years for me to work on the things that God wants me to work on, and this year He is telling me in a more firm voice that I need to do this. It is time to listen.

It is time to pay attention to what He keeps directing me towards...a path I do not see, yet one that makes me yearn to walk.

It is time to clean things up here and everywhere I am too. I need to change directions, walk the path that is presented before me, be the person I am supposed to be, the person I WANT to be.

I resolve this year to give myself this year to God...even when I am afraid, angry, frustrated, poor, sick, healthy, busy, uncertain, happy and contemplative...I give myself to Him.

Have a happy and save New Year, and may His blessings be in your heart!
~Karollynn

Last Gift From Ben Breedlove-Think About This A while.

2011-12-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

Ben Breedlove was a sick young man with a heart condition, he experienced three instances where he died and was brought back to life. The heart disease that he had was something that prevented him from living a normal life as a kid and later a teenager, he wanted to be like normal kids, but that wasn't to be the path God chose for Ben. He gained a following on Youtube that was so huge that in the end, you can see that he touched the lives of many young people of his own generation...he also touched me after his death on Christmas Day of a heart attack.

He left two videos behind, telling of his afterlife experiences and what he can remember of the first one he had at age 4 and on to the last one before the making of the video on 6 December 2011. He tells of how the mind continues on even when the body is techically dead...the last time he had been gone for about 3 minutes.

I can only imagine the fear on the faces of the other students around him in the high school on the day of the last heart attack when he was in school...maybe this is the true meaning behind Ben's video...to reassure them all that they shouldn't worry or be afraid.

His remaining gift to the world was not the explanation of WHAT happens, but something else entirely.

In the 7 minute video, he does speak of his after life experiences, yes...but at the end of the video, there is MORE than anybody would expect....LOOK carefully at Ben's face as he tells his story in flash cards...the serenity, the FAITH it took to tell us what that is:

This story was brought to my attention for a reason. A direct message. It wasn't about his afterlife experiences...or his experience with EMS and being unconscious. It was something more for me.

He spoke of being proud of himself, and I couldn't help but wonder if God was telling me the same thing....to BE proud of MYSELF too.

He also spoke of not being afraid and that where he went was someplace he WANTED to be, and he never wanted to leave. Heaven-his heaven...it was a reassurance of the fact that it is not only REAL but a place of total love and security, especially when he spoke of his favorite person and song being played there...Rapper Kid Cudi.

Ben's message was simple, but he asked us a question...

Do you believe in Angels and God?

~Happy Reading,
Karollynn

Message to Ben and His Family From Kid Cudi:
http://cudlife.tumblr.com/post/14834941934/iam-so-sad-about-ben-breedlove-i-watched-the

About Ben Breedlove:

http://www.youtube.com/user/BreedloveTV
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/12/29/texas-teen-leaves-behind-inspirational-video-after-christmas-death/

http://sfluxe.com/2011/12/31/kid-cudi-on-ben-breedlove-youtube-videos-funeral-i-broke-down-full-text-international-business-times/
http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/274634/20111230/ben-breedlove-funeral-streamed-online-fans-pour.htm

-To Answer Ben's last question:
I do too.

~Rest in His Eternal Peace, Your Light Will Continue Shining Long Into The Night

Ben Breedlove
August 8, 1993-December 25, 2011
Thank you.

Vincero, Perdero-I Will Win, I Will Loose

2011-12-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

This song is now one of my favorite songs. It is how I will live my life, and in that, I am wondering if I do it alone or with help.

I will speak more of Mario in the future, but for now, it is time to remind myself of this.

Vincero Perdero

Nei sogni che facevo da bambino
vivevo la mia vita come un re,
avevo giorni pieni di sole,
non c'era mai dolore.

Vincero, perdero
la mia vita vivro,
io da solo dovro camminare.
Vincero, perdero
la mia strada faro,
giochero la partita della vita.

Ho avuto brevi attimi di gioia,
momenti interminabili di noia,
ho avuto giorni pieni di sole,
io so cos'e il dolore...

Vincero, perdero
la mia vita vivro,
io da solo sapro continuare.
Vincero, perdero
la mia strada ora so,
ma da solo giochero la partita della mia vita.

Un re, io certo non saro,
eppure io vivro...

Vincero, perdero
luci ed ombre io avro,
ma da solo dovro continuare.
Vincero, perdero
la mia vita sara
come un viaggio lontano da fare.

Vincero, perdero
la mia vita vivro,
io da solo dovro camminare.
Vincero, perdero
la mia strada ora so...
Vincero, perdero
la partita giochero...
Vincero, perdero
ma da solo..

Translation:

I will win, I will lose

Ιn the dreams I dreamed as a child
I lived my life as a king
My days were filled with sunshine
And there was never any pain

I'll win, I'll lose
I'll live my life
I'll have to make my own way
I'll win, I'll lose
I'll create my own path
I'll play the game of life

I've had brief moments of joy
Endless moments of boredom
I've had days full of sunshine
I know what pain is...

I'll win, I'll lose
I'll live my life
I'll know how to continue on my own
I'll win, I'll lose
Now I know my path
But I'll play the game of life on my own

A king, I'll certainly not be
And yet, I'll live...

I'll win, I'll lose
I'll have light and shadow
But alone I'll have to go on
I'll win, I'll lose
My life will be
like a long journey to take

I'll win, I'll lose
I'll live my life
I'll have to make my own way
I'll win, I'll lose
Now I know my path...
I'll win, I'll lose
I'll play the game...
I'll win, I'll lose
But alone...

~Mario Frangoulis

~Translations by: Lyrics Translate

~Happy Reading

Karollynn

Let There Be Peace On Earth-Let It Begin With Me

2011-12-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

It breaks my heart every year at this time when I read stories of desperation and pain...things that shouldn't happen do.

Yesterday a gunman shot and killed Officer Deriek W. Crouse while he was doing a routine traffic stop at Virginia Tech. The suspected gunman may have turned the gun on himself...he was also NOT a student at the college.

The question remains as to why this person has done this...and was there intent to do more damage but because of lessons learned in the deadly massacre on the campus by one lone desperate gunman in 2007, campus and city authorities had been able to engage in new security procedures to protect students, did he in fact change his mind?

Monday, a woman turned a gun on herself and her two children after a 7 hour stand off in a Texas Welfare Office over food stamps she didn't receive because she didn't follow through on all the procedures-fill out the applications correctly and failing to show at her interview for them...she died on the spot, her daughter, Ramie died two days later in a San Antonio hospital while her son barely hangs on to life today...the father couldn't help because he didn't know the where abouts of his children since they couple had been divorced and she had a record of mental illness...how she had gotten the children is a mystery and the father was trying to get to them.

I understand poverty leads us to do many things we wouldn't normally do, and in today's society where we have a leader who doesn't seem to SEE those people who are in need, but killing children or in the previous story, an officer, isn't the answer.

Depression is the major killer of people this time of year...it is also the the reason WHY domestic violence and neglect cases sky rocket. It is enough to make me cry.

We can't go out and love on every lonely person this time of year, and we certainly cannot help all at one time to end this right this minute and that is often times my biggest frustration, and I have to REMEMBER that St. Therese of Calcutta (Mother Theresa) said we must begin with one, and continue to the next in order to change things for the needy...and to me the needy aren't just the poor in pocket, but the poor in spirit and in mind.

When we read these stories during the holidays many try to shut them out and concentrate on what they can do for the existing people in need, but what about learning from the ones that it is too late to help? Why NOT think about that and ask ourselves what COULD have been done and what CAN we learn from this to PREVENT this from happening again? Even if we didn't know those people, can we use this for the ones in front of us.

We hear these stories constantly...the ones where we could have, should have all the time, surely there is a way to do something for that person we know will be alone this Christmas.

What about the woman who spent the first part of the year getting a surgery to live, only to loose her beloved mother near the end of the year? What can I do to make sure that, even though she has family near her who help and love her, she knows she is loved? I already have the answer to this one...and I apply it daily...

We need to consider the weak of mind and spirit, be there to help when there is a need.

John Lennon once sang a song about imagining the world living life in peace, and it is a beautiful thought, but in order for that peace to occur, it must begin within ourselves, then extend to our neighbor, friend and coworker, before going out further.

Vince Gill sings a wonderful song that we play at this time of year called Let There Be Peace On Earth. The lyrics themselves speak of HOW that peace should happen:

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step i take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.

(child)
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With god as our father
Brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/v/vince_gill/#share

I think this is a perfect beginning, don't you?

Think about this: this time of year is fueled with the thought of a single child bringing that to the world two millenia ago, and other religions consider this a time of love and giving too...how hard is it to show love to others if we love in our own hearts?

Please take a moment after reading this and think about who needs YOU right now-you and that person next door.

Christmastime For Me

2011-11-29T19:33:00.001-08:00

Every year at this time, we all gather around our loved ones, we spend time finding those special gifts, and we bundle up against the cold as we go about our business. It is often a busy time of year when good will and bad show themselves in various ways and means...we give and we receive with equal joy.

It is a time when we all take stock of ourselves and we pay closer attention to those around us. Sometimes we see those who are lacking, and we see those who are overloaded with a sense of goodness that it overflows onto us. I wish that abundance would overflow from one person I know at work and onto another couple of people there, but that is not going to happen anytime soon, and that is ok, because it will happen.

Christmas is always a bittersweet time for me. I always love being with family, but when I watch my grandmother slowly fading from this world of her own volition, I get sad thinking that if she would at least try maybe she could be better. I see my brother who has MS struggling with the financial issues that come with Medicare and Medicaid and wish that the burden could be lifted for him. My mother, bless her heart is also having medical issues that seem to intensify with the passing of time, but she is always smiling and always happy-I just hate that she has to do breathing treatments after every activity she does that requires being up for more than 20 minutes. I just want to change things for them all....and for myself, but we are all together, alive and whole! That is what matters in the long run and it makes me smile at the fact that we are all here.

This year will be a lot more interesting for me as I go along. I have this new job that has proven to be very good for me financially and in many other ways. I have more hours, better pay and insurance, so that I don't have to worry.

I am still digging myself out of the financial hole I was in, but I am almost finished. Come January 1, 2012 I should be in a place where I am able to do more than I will, but for now I can afford a little something for family members for Christmas, and that makes me thankful and grateful for the job that I have. I continue to have faith in myself and my abilities to do what I must to get where I need to go and do what I need to do.

I am working on myself as well. Everyone knows that there are things about myself that I need to work on to get me where I need to be. The list isn't too long, but it is a good one, and I cannot wait to start.

I will begin with Yule Eve...for myself...for the person I truly am inside.

I want to be a well rounded human being, but in order to do that, I must strive to make myself be that more often and with gusto. I must work on the new beginnings I wish to make and do it soon or I may never do it.

I am making plans for the New Year for this blog, I want it to be better, stronger and smarter...I want to focus on my belief in myself and in the journey I continue to take. I want to be more active on my blog and focus less on things that make me shudder just being around them, but am still in love with...the good and the bad...I love what I do, but at the same time, I slowly loose interest because it can be stressful at times.

I digress...

This winter, I am devoting myself to spending more time reading. What better time than when we all try to shut out the cold and try to spend more time indoors because it is prettier to look at than be in it sometimes.

I am going to devote a little more time to Jane Austen and my blog there, but I would like to read a lot of other titles that are sitting on my To Be Read shelf.

I am always content to be at home alone with a good book and Emma on my lap as I read, with a cup of Earl Grey or a cup of coffee. These are my comfort foods sometimes.

This year as the season progresses, I am going to be working on a new blog which will focus on my spiritual path, but this one will remain, along with the Jane blog and my writing blog.

Happy reading!

Kindle

2011-10-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

I have found a new reason to get a Kindle today...

Not only is the Kindle portable, I find that I can now read while walking and save myself from carrying a silly bookmark whenever I go...

Don't get me wrong, there is something so nice about the good old fashioned book and bookmark...defining of a reader's character. You see what people feel about reading..and I used a lot of things for bookmarks over the years since I am a book purist and HATE bending page ends, getting things on them or writing in them and marking them up.

This would be perfect for me since I won't have to worry about ruining a book or loosing my bookmarks.

The other appealing idea behind electronic readers is that I can carry my entire library with me...if I need to look up something for one of my characters, for instance, I have the book right there with me instead of going into my boxes of books to find the one I am looking for, or have a whole stack of books sitting in one place or another. I have what I need at my fingertips.

The old fashioned traditionalist book lover in me will crave having a book in my hand and turning real pages, but at the same time, I am considering what ereaders are doing for the environment...saving trees from certain death for my personal reading habit...but I think I will be alright.

Other advantages I found is that I can turn off the lights or sit in a dark place and STILL read my book because it has a back light to it and long battery life. That would be nice so that I can turn off my bedroom light before I get settled in to read, rather than get out of bed to go turn the light off when I am tired...just turn off my Kindle.

I considered also getting the Nook since I already have two of Diana Gabaldon's books on the app along with a few more books, but right now the Kindle Fire is all the rage and it looks to be a good sound investment for the near future...I will be getting the Nook too in case I can't find a certain book in Kindle I am looking for, but for now I am going to enjoy the Kindle first.

Even though I will be carrying around my entire library on the Kindle, it seems I have to re-establish my library and buy almost all of the books again, but it looks like there are bargains, and I have a wish list so that each week or so after I get everything taken care of, I can order a few at a time.

I love Diana Gabaldon, Sherrilynn Kenyon, Gena Showalter, J.R. Ward, Sara Donati, Sara Douglas and a host of other great authors and I can easily find many of their books for cheap prices and some of them bundle on Kindle so it would be easy to get them at a cheaper price...though I just may go for the individual books and go from there.

There is a whole host of good books on Kindle that are under $3 and I can get some of those as well. I do love to read.

There is also the easiest part of all, I don't have to visit a book store, I can buy and download a book in seconds from the bus stop if I wish to. I could have my TBR list sitting there waiting and start reading while I am riding home from work, or to work or on my breaks...no bulky plastic bags to take home.

Granted, there is something to be said about going in and exploring a book store and checking out all the titles out and all the fun things there, but for someone who would have to take a few buses to get there, or have to go to the grocery story to purchase them...how convenient is that when I would have to carry the bag home or on a bus when I do go?

Then there is the loss of Borders Books, which was very near me...that, I believe was the worst of all here...loosing a book store that carried all of my favorite Pagan authors and movies and good reads...and the erotic romance department was actually growing!

Soon, though we may only see book stores online like Barnes & Nobles (for they may end up closing their stores and relying on the ecommerce world for income too eventually, since their Nook is so popular as well), and others...what will be left may be the Used Book Stores still open and thriving because that will be all that will be left of the world of paperback and hardback book publishing.

Part of me is sad about that, another part of me marvels at the way we are progressing in many areas so we don't rely on natural resources to keep us entertained.

I won't get my Kindle for another few weeks, but until then, I will work on building my library on my Kindle app and my Nook app so I am prepared!

Already have Laura Stamps and Jane Austen all ready to go!!

Genral Ramblings

2011-09-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

Ever since I got my new phone, I have been obsessed with the android in the phone. There is so much MORE to do with it.

I downloaded my Kindle and Nook apps to it, and spend most of my time downloading books onto them both so I can take them anywhere.

Yes, I know that the print is small and all, but I just love the fact that I can take everything with me. The easy access to my library of books has me enjoying reading once again.

I still want one of each of them-Nook and Kindle, but right now I settle for what I can get. And this is the next best thing.

With the job going well, I see things clearly settled with me by the end of October and everything under control again so that I can save the money for these "wants" that I do have after taking care of the "needs", which are endless right now.

The new job is going rather well. I have all of my insurances with one exception, and that is life insurance, but that comes soon.

I have so many plans for the next few months with myself, it isn't even funny. I am ready to get back to being the person I once was-add new bits and pieces to me.

There are stories swimming in my head and I am looking forward to finally writing them down, and getting what I need to do done for the sake of ME. No more putting myself on hold because I have to take care of others and their feelings and hurts first (there is one true exception in this one and I do plan to be there when she is ready for me....what she is going through, I have walked this particular path-almost dead on).

I want to get back into doing book reviews again...and with my new phone and with my new resolve, I plan to do so. I am finding new reads all the time.

My Tea In Austenland blog will continue soon, and I will knuckle down and do the blog posts I am behind on with Persuasion and everything else.

It's time to get organized and on track once again. To stop letting people play silly games with my head and DO what I have always wanted to do, and to stop letting things get to me personally.

I am inspired to write more poetry too, but nothing has come into my mind yet. It all seems jumbled up with feelings that I want to go away before they affect my life and my world.

This new job is fantastic. I get close to 40 hours a week and quite a bit of common courtesy and respect from the people who hired me....not as much from some of the people I work with, but they are good people at heart and don't mean anything by it at all. One in particular is a good hearted person, but he does something that is inappropriate for the workplace and I don't think he realized that what he was doing was wrong since he is always nice to me and those around him.

My kitten, Emma is growing daily and getting happier by the week. I am glad I have her even when she drives me nuts just being a kitten. She can't help what she does, but as she gets older and I get her declawed and spayed, she will calm down more and more.

I think Emma had a bad start with the psycho neighbor who had her before me. Our beginning was a little weird, and she is still skittish sometimes to the point where I worry about her. She seems to fear sudden moves unless she is right on me. If I get up, she seems to think that I am coming at her and she runs and hides for a few minutes. I only hope that time will help her calm down over this since she trusts me completely.

I love having Emma around. It is nice to have her greet me at the door and try to climb up to my face with "Welcome home" meows and attempt at kissing my face. It is also nice in the first half hour when she climbs in my lap while I am trying to get my shoes off and relax.

I think it is the sweetest thing to be laying on the couch and she comes up and curls herself into my stomach while we watch a movie together or when I lay down in bed, with a book, she finds her way into my lap.

It is also adorable when I am sitting there texting with friends on my phone and she starts patting at the phone like she wants a turn at typing.

She loves to play with me, and she loves to "attack" my leg or arm out of the blue. Those moments are the funniest things.

I hate when she chews my things up or starts cutting her teeth on me, but her "Wake Up, Mommy" licks crack me up and I know that is her way of taking care of ME while I take care of HER. She is one of a kind, and I am blessed to have such a little daughter such as her to brighten my day. I only need to feed her, and keep her box clean and she is a happy girl, but at times, I can't help but slip in a few little treats her way just to hear her purr louder. That makes my day.

This week, I took my first two steps in getting myself back on track. I got my hair cut, and they took off at least three or four inches of hair. The second was beginning my Clinique

The next steps are to get my eyes checked and new contacts or glasses and to get my teeth fixed a bit at a time...then it is on to clothes and a manicure and makeup...I WANT so badly to look like myself again and to feel like myself!

I look in the mirror, and while I do love the person underneath, it is the person on the outside that bothers me the most...I look like I stopped caring about myself and it is no wonder...I need to get myself back to normal and soon!! Get back to looking like the person I am supposed to look like. I cannot wait!!

Lately I have been working hard to get my home in order. I have a bit of a ways to go yet, since I have stuff in here that really needs to go in the trash, but I am slowly getting it there.

I plan to buy new dishes soon and to get all new things for a lot of the rooms in my home because I am tired of the place looking like I don't care in there either when the truth is that I am a lazy housekeeper and get too tired after I work to do things. Of course, my old job was part of the reason-I was walking an hour and ten minutes for work and I was depressed most of the time because I couldn't afford to work there and I was slowly going insane with the way they treated me, but now things are different, and I am feeling much better about myself and my life and everything is going well all over the place.

As I sit here, Classical music playing on the radio, a bag of chips and a cup of coffee at my elbow and Emma close by sleeping, I am thinking how great things are going for me, and that I am glad that Karma is my friend...and she isn't letting me down despite the things that have happened with certain people this past week.

No matter what happens or what THEY think, I know ME and I know how much better my life is getting with each passing month and I am blessed in all that I do and all that I am, and I feel sad for those who have turned on me and think I am whatever because of their own ignorance. It no longer matters, but I do WONDER, (not WORRY) about how Karma is treating them at this particular moment and hope She is being kind and merciful.

Right now, I am too busy downloading books to my Nook and Kindle and finding some awesome reads for the bus rides I take daily and for my lunch breaks at work and doing my thing. Having fun and living my life. Discovering new ways to go about things.

I am happy to be me right now, and I know things will get even better!

Disappointments In People/Pride In People

2011-09-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am a good person. I know that for the last few months, Karma has been my best friend. I never harm anyone, I haven't spoken ill about people, and spent most of my time worrying about them.

Through the fun of roleplaying, I have made many friends who share something in common with me, the love of an author, or authors as it were and been able to meet people who by their very natures are awesome.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some real wack jobs and crazy people and those were usually few and far between. I never messed with anyone nor did I have much contact with them.

Through these adventures, I had the opportunity to meet someone I never thought I would meet...someone who was a writer and portrayed herself to be a nice person, though the meeting came through disgusting means and harmful people, it came and I opened up and trusted this person, I thought she was fantastic and wanted to be her friend, and wanted her to be mine.

After a while, things started getting weird, this person started doing oddball things, her attitudes changed, and I found out that she spent most of her energies on things she shouldn't have since she IS a writer after all, but it was cool to see her inspired on many levels by many of us online.

Months go by, and she would change on me like the wind. When I wanted to know why, I would get non commital answers and no chance to talk whatever it was through and see where these things were coming from. It was always about her and certain people she felt she was in the middle of-me and one other...which wasn't the case no matter what I told her...I only told her the truth about this person and a few times showed her and she didn't believe me. That was alright, didn't matter she was still MY friend though she was acting like I was the childish one.

Recently she did it again, removing me from things where she was with the few exceptions where I had taken her out of so she wouldn't feel like she was being pulled or pushed into anything.

To my disappointment and surprise when I asked what was up this time, she accused me of some stupid thing about schoolyards and accused me of something that was NEVER true...she proceeded to sic the nastiest person on the planet on me...since I had NOT been online much in days because I was working in my REAL LIFE and doing some things that were more important than be around her or talk to her (having cut the ties basically at this point, and asking my friends to do the same to cut off the drama all together since I was tired of going through the whole High School popularity thing again).

This person portrays characters in Famous Author's roleplay groups and represents the author and the things this person said and threatened me with and continues to do make me sad because what this roleplayer is doing is making the author look bad and make themselves look like little yapping dogs...to the point of dragging in someone I love very much and would do anything in the world for...and doesn't need these two doing what they are doing at this moment.

I could care less about this roleplayer because he keeps getting himself removed for bullying people and causing mass confusion with the people who watch us and love us. He will attack from one of his many characters, then swoop in on another and become your friend acting as if he hates himself and has moles in his own groups just to get close to you..he did this to me seconds after the bullying was over and I had made sure that he couldn't mess with me again. This is schoolyard...this is nasty.

The thing that is the worst is this person is a PUBLISHED author who dragged this person in to do her dirty work and has done this before. It is disappointing because I did like her and had a lot of respect for her as a person and as a writer, even though I still feel she needs a lot of improvement and maybe a dictionary to go with it all since she doesn't understand that roleplaying ISN'T about her, but about the love of the author you love, the character you roleplay and the fans of this author-which you are supposed to be one of too.

Of course, I am not counting the stalking she does of certain characters and the way she ignores her own work and that is so sad. Granted she has helped another friend, but it is the one she stalks and it amazes me the lies that have been thrown around and the childishness coming from that faction.

Since the bullying began and the "stealth" malarky that her little pitbull has been doing, I have not outwardly shown them disrespect or said a word about this author or this roleplayer, yet they are out there trashing me and my name.

Here is the kicker here folks, no matter what they do, what they say, my support has been growing. My friends have rallied behind me, and as this third party in this situation is dealing with things that are not of the roleplaying world, and they are using this person and this person's absence and pain to make them believe I am a bad person.

Through all of this, the friends I have made in roleplaying have supported me, loved me and wanted to go out and DO something about this, to which I tell them not to because it doesn't matter what these others do because I have better things to do with my time than deal with them.

I have found this support everywhere I go and I have found more people who are willing to stand behind me the entire way through and became a part of my family even though outwardly some of us cannot play together we are friends and support each other's groups and stand up for each other. This is something that was created by me so that we can stop these people who treat roleplaying like a huge cesspool and those who blindly follow these crazy people.

When bad things would happen, they just stood up for me, loved me and I love and respect these people. I think of all of them as people that I want to be family with-in roleplaying and in real life.

So many times, I have seen the bad side of roleplaying, but recently I have made the move to stand against the bullying, the backstabbing, the visiousness of it all. I am out to prove that roleplaying isn't a bad thing, but a fun thing. It is a way to meet new and fun people.

Since the end of November, 2009, I have met some extraordinary people on facebook through roleplaying. From the two women who love to come decorate my walls, to the shy fan who just wants to say hello and is pleasantly surprised to have a response, to the roleplayer who, in character is one way and in private is totally themselves and worry about me going out after dark in the city (yes YOU sweets!), to the ones who shock me by saying that what we do makes their day and gives them some form of escapism.

And escapism is what roleplaying is...just like watching a movie, reading a book, playing a video game, or even writing our own stories.

It is also a way for creative people to use their talents for improvement. To understand how to write a kissing scene or a fight scene and dialogue. It is a way for those who say: "Someday I am going to write a novel" to actually begin today.

Diana Gabaldon once said: If you wake up in the morning and all you think about throughout the day is writing, and you sit down and write something everyday, then you ARE a writer.

This is true of these people I play with...these friends I have made since almost all of us are constantly thinking of new and exciting things to do to entertain the masses and further their characters once the book is complete...it is the continuation of the story, what we think happens on a day to day basis with the character.

Yet through all of this, there are still those who will use this for their own ends and means, and those who take it to the point of fantasy and bullying and that is what makes it hard to digest at times for me.

Someone meanly said that my problem was that I wanted people to like me and I am too worried about it and I should get over myself...well, the truth is that YES I do want people to like me, I don't want to be the only one at my funeral...and I roleplay characters by bestselling authors because I want to make friends and isn't LIKE part of that whole friendship thing? Besides, my nature abhors the thought of someone not liking me for insignificant reasons such as the ones these people have.

I show kindness in roleplay and I care because that is what the author themselves would want for the character and for herself/himself. That is the bottom line in all of this.

The fun part of this is the ones who make this worth my time and energy! I see love all over roleplaying and I see kindness constantly being shown to all around, with a few exceptions...and that makes the one who disappointed me pity them too.

The Neighbor Downstairs

2011-08-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

The new job begins on Tuesday.

My only concern is in getting up on time to catch the bus. I am so worried that I will miss it most of the time because of craziness.

My neighbor downstairs is a constant worry to me because the woman, though sweet and has ADD, is a pain in the back side. She is always loosing her cellphone and storming up to MY apartment to use mine to find it or call and yell with her daughter. One day, I was on the phone with a friend when she stormed back UPSTAIRS and demanded the use of my phone after hers had gotten stolen...

This woman is so bad, she comes in and helps herself looking in my stuff and making herself at home. I was not raised that way and to be honest, it makes me nervous to have someone doing that in my home where I am the hostess.

Thursday night around 3 a.m. she locked herself out of her apartment, the proceeded to hang around mine until almost 4 a.m. and I was livid because she wouldn't call her daughter to come unlock her door until I hedged at it for 30 minutes. My first thought was that I could have had to work in the morning and she was disrupting my sleep and my time just to do this.

I am going to speak with the apartment manager soon because this cannot go on anymore. I am going to start doing something uncharitable and unChristian like tell her she cannot rely on me anymore and tell her no because she spends to much time taking advantage of me when she should be more responsible.

I know I am being uncharitable towards my neighbor but she cannot keep doing this to others around her, and she needs to use consideration when she does. I don't want to be mean to the woman since she is very kind, but she must learn to be responsible and not constantly blame others and other things for her mistakes. She needs to find a way to remind herself of what she needs to do in order to survive, or her daughter and he apartment manager need to find a better place for her and have her live with someone else.

She babysits her nephew down there and we have gas stoves and heat...what if she accidentally locks herself out with him inside and the stove on or forgot to completely turn off the stove and the gas permeates the place???? That is what has me worried...and the fact that I am two floors up from her place and if she starts a fire, and I am up here, I could be trapped.

I know these are crazy worries, but I cannot help thinking of them and what could happen.

Generally Speaking

2011-08-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

I have not been here in a while. A lot of nothing is really going on.

The only things I can truly say about the past 3 or 4 weeks is that I have been doing a lot of reading, a lot of cleaning and a bit of not eating.

The new job starts tomorrow and I have one last thing to do before I feel completely happy in my world...and that is clean out the jungle that is my bedroom and organize it so that when I begin the new job I will feel like I have accomplished everything that needs to be done right away..

After I get my first paychecks and get the bills under control, my next thing will to be to make sure that I keep every bill updated. I just can't wait to get going on this soon!

I also have a new "daughter". A kitten that my downstairs neighbor couldn't keep because she didn't have the patience to deal with her since she is so young. The lady had named her Zoe, but I cringe at such a name because it is not one of my favorites...no offense to anyone named Zoe, it just isn't a name that I particularly like. Besides I am an old fashioned girl and since I am on my Jane Austen journey this year, I have re-named her Emma. Figures, huh? I love that name anyway, it is a good name for animal or human.

She is around 2 months old or so and is currently interested in using me as a chew toy! Drives me nuts, but gives me something to really complain about in the grand scheme of things. ~grins

She is a a short haired cat with gray fur and black stripes. I forget what breed she is but I am currently searching that one out.

The new job will open up new possibilities for me financially and mentally. I will be able to afford this job and with the benefits that come with the job, I am anxious to get started since I have been broke for quite some time now and I haven't had a paycheck in that long.

Once things completely settle down, I do plan on writing. I know I say this all the time, but I haven't been into it a lot lately and my brain is stalled for ideas.

I am also catching up my Austen blog and working on other things to add to Awaiting Diana's blog. Hopefully we can get that running soon enough.

Since I have been going back and forth with Awaiting Diana and Diana Gabaldon's An Echo In The Bone, I have hopefully resurrected our discussions on the forum. It would be nice to see the group up and rolling again or just create a new one...and have lots of fun with it.

I am also enjoying my Twitter again, and learning to stay OFF of Facebook and the crazy world that place seems to be...or at least not checking in so often in the last few days. I just need a break from that place.

I would go back to my Myspace but not much goes on there anymore. I think it is sad because many of us put so much into the page it is sad.

Anyway, I am running now on new routines and getting organized for the future, hoping that with each passing month and year I am at the new job I can show how good I am and be worthy of raises and more responsibilities.

In a year, I am hoping that the new job is able to help me get a new home.

I am not fond of the place I live now. I have been here for a year and I am still trying to get everything out of the packing stages in my room. I don't know why, but I cannot think of this place as my home. It just doesn't feel right to me. It is cheap, yes, but that isn't why it bothers me living here.

I think that it is the fact that most of this area is unsafe. The building itself is a bit rundown and not really nice.

OK, I don't expect The Ritz type of situation here, but still, the place is just not some place that I feel comfortable in. I don't feel that I belong in it...I constantly want to go out and find someplace better and someplace more pleasing to the eye.

I wanted to take the initiative and start making things look better and spoke to the apartment manager about it, and he said it would be alright to do so, but I can't until I can get my finances straight again, and he doesn't seem to care about anything here.

Enough complaining.

I am also working on myself spiritually! I think there are things that need to be said for what I feel in my heart and soul. I am going to get that right again soon and will update as much as I can on that front!

I don't know, I am tired of wavering there also. I do believe in God and I have always had a good relationship with Him, but in the last year, it has fallen to they wayside by other things I thought were more important. I am working on that one right now as well. I am more calm and serene these days. I will speak more about that sometime in the future.

Also, the journey through Jane Austen's world is proving to be a most enjoyable one and I am happy to be on it!

I am loving the Regency period and all that it has to offer along with other genres of romance that I would never have thought I would like!

I am enjoying this time a lot and I hope I can continue to read and work on my blogs together to make them the best I have out there.

I still have a lot to learn about Jane, Regency, and all that encompasses that world, but I am someone who loves to read and I love to explore things that are new and wonderous.

I would love to write a Regency, if I have the voice and talent for it. It would be a nice thing to be able to do, to have on my ablities.

Now, I am off to read some more, I have to get Persuasion read and work on the Austen blog!

Have a great day!

Musings And Changes

2011-07-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

With the coming of a new job, and many changes to my life, and watching and adding myself to new and more interesting arenas in writing, I feel that this blog will change just a bit as well.

I am changing the name soon and contemplating what that name should be. I want it to be something that reflects the writer in me as well as my own personal voice.

I want to get back to writing reviews and giving you everything in my heart.

As of today, the new job looms in a week, and I am so ready to move forward with my life and myself that I cannot contain it all within me.

I would like to get with my other people and start working on a forum for reading and getting into things.

This past week, I have been working diligently on catching up my blog Tea In Austenland, a blog designed specifically for my year long journey through Jane Austen's world and the Regency Romance genre. It is also a place for me to learn more about the Lady Jane herself and learning more about her and the world and time she lived in. I am learning so much, and a seed idea for writing my own romance is slowly taking root.

There is also the lovely world I created called Forever Raven where I am discovering a whole lot about myself and my people through the writing process, I am enjoying it as much as I am enjoying my poetry site, Dreams Of The Blue Rose, and that may expand too in time..and grow and change.

I am happy to say that all of this may culminate in the changes here that will encompass book reviews, my writing and everything else I wish to say or convey as well.

Recently I became more active on my Twitter and am ready to resume life there as well. If you wish to add me, it is in the widget on the side of this blog.

Dreams Of The Blue Rose, the poetry blog still exists, but I have moved a lot to Writers Cafe and had it copyrighted for the most part. I don't know if I wish to keep the blog open if I am to move it all over to the webpage. I will let you know.

As for the blog and forum Jen and I run called Awaiting Diana, we are still undecided on what to do with this since Jen has since moved her part in most cases to Darcy Nation and we were trying to keep the blog mainly to Diana Gabaldon and what is happening with her and a lot of my book reviews which are also here in some shape or form. We will discuss this and move forward from there.

As I am surfing through all of the blogs and friends I have followed here, I see that many have been making the switches from one place to another, and many of the site are making changes to a lot of things these days. It is a bit discouraging for someone who is trying not to change too much in her world...but alas times do change and so do people...even my aol addy has had to be changed so I can actually use it and get back on track.

Beginning in the next weeks, this new job that I have will play a major role in how I post and how I do things across the internet. I am making personal changes to get organized and ready for the new job...from house cleaning to downsizing my activities everywhere...this includes the addiction and crazyiness of Facebook.

I am looking forward to this new job because I will be able to do a bit more for myself and be able to advance as the years progress. I plan to stay there as long as I can and be a very productive employee, and to show that I am worth something in my own mind.

I will write and make sure that I make the time to write and not fail myself in this. In the end, I don't want to say I wish I had done this. I want no regrets at the end of my life.

My religion is another sore spot in my heart, but I do know where I am, and what I want...so the Catholic in me does stand firm as the Pagan tendencies reconcile themselves with the fact that what is there is actually Christian as well. That doesn't make sense to anyone but it is what is happening as one is half dying and the other is going strong.

I am so happy for the changes I am making and the new worlds I will inhabit in the near future, life seems to be getting better! I can't wait til it is great!

Too Much-Good and Horrible, Jane Austen and Regency Romance

2011-06-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

Times are changing for me. It seems like I have gone from one extreme to the next.

So much has changed over the past year. I have gone from living with family and having to rely on a phone for my internet service to living on my own and having a job that cannot support me.

Nine times out of ten, I have had to make the decision on whether or not to eat or pay the electric. The electric would win out and Ramen was the meal choice for the week.

I barely could cover my rent and had bounced a few checks, then I became late on my rent. I hated this. I am so angry at the fact that no matter what I tried to do financially, I cannot make it at the job that I do like, respect and get frustrated over.

I have suffered terrible headaches in the past year that have kept me wondering if I will survive through the day or night. I have hidden these well, and attributed them to stress of gaining and loosing friendships in the games I do online called roleplaying. Then again, one meal a day and my failing eyesight are factors here.

I am not going blind, and I don't think I am physically ill in any cancerous way...no tumors, but harsh headaches that take me to the point of being suicidal at times. I know I am slowly getting to the point where I need bi-focals, so I know I am not always going to see very well, it just galls me because this is something I never want to admit. Who knows, I may end up blind someday anyway.

I digress, to get back to my reasons for posting today.

I have been so frustrated in the past year with the groups I admin, the people I want to slap from here to common sense and back again, and I have been broke and cannot afford to work at this job. I also saw no true potential for advancement in recent months. This was brought to me loud and clear about three weeks ago when I practically begged to replace a girl in her position to get out of the one I am in now, and I was told to wait, only to find out that they were already filling the position that week. Talk about dashing my hopes of a steady income and knowing that I would have more hours...in a part time job no less!

Anyway, about two or three weeks ago, I went and put in an application for a new drycleaning chain that was opening up and a subdivision of a major corporation of cleaning products-smart move in my opinion. I went for the interview, did a fabulous job as they told me during the interview and told that I would hear back the next week.

They called, the position had been filled and my application was being put into a file in case they needed help in the future. I was told that they had picked their first rounds of employees from the people they had to re-locate and from the applicants they had, and it was a stiff competition, but I had still impressed them. I was devastated and heartbroken! I wanted that job so bad, I could almost taste it!

Time goes on, my electric is way beyond due, and I was waiting for it to be shut off, my rent was already one month behind and I was getting calls from people wanting money from me. I was in tears, broke, starving and wishing for a new life at this point. I had even gotten the newspaper and bookmarked Monster.com just to find something-anything-that was better than living in absolute poverty.

I was going to go ask for State aid just to eat. I didn't want to, my pride and my honor was fighting this like nobody's business! A girl at work had even given me the number for the local church who helps people in need by giving them some money for their rent and baskets of food. As you can guess, my heart was quaking at this, thinking of the people out there who had children and needed this more than I did. I could live without food, and I could find a way to pay all of the rent if I just worked a few more hours, and that wasn't happening! Nope, nada, I was not going to gain any quarter from my employers at all!

I had to call my aunt and tell her that, despite the fact that my license was getting ready to expire, I could not afford to renew it and maybe I could get a state I.D next month because I couldn't afford it. She offered to pay it, and came to pick me up yesterday to take me to get it done-it was already too late, I have to take the driver's test all over again-ugh!

As I sat waiting for her, I had already taken care of some business and decided to see who had called me after lunch break while I was working. It was time to brave another couple of people wanting money from me, and telling them I was not going to be able to do anything about it....well, one call was from the apartment manager....no surprise, I forgot to tell him I was having some troubles.

The second call floored me. It was the company who didn't hire me asking if I was still interested in a job! You can imagine my answer to this one! YES!!!

I called them back and we discussed things. The job is going to be full time and at least $1.25 more an hour than what I am making now!! I would have to take the bus, and do what was necessary to get through the paperwork and everything, but my family offered to help me with that one. I sat there, waiting for my aunt, in the parking lot of my job and talking to someone else about getting this new job!!! It was all I could do to NOT go inside screaming that I was going to give them notice and I was going somewhere else to work!!

I did tell the guy I work with, who runs our department though and he was happy for me. Told me to not worry about them, to just be happy that I was going and doing something better for myself. I felt so good at that moment.

I did contain myself and waited until I got in my aunt's car to tell her....of course I was babbling about talking to the apartment manager about how to go about making the rent and back rent while I waited to start the new job. My aunt not only gave me the money to renew my license but also the rent money.

I got home and remembered that I had some money I had pulled out of my account for the rent that I was trying to keep people out of, so I had that plus some money she gave me for groceries.

I got home, and the electric was out. I owned over $390 and only had $300 for it at the moment. They took the money and turned my electric back on and now I only owe them a little bit and am set for the month.

The best part is that my next payday is tomorrow and it is direct deposit. I now have food money and a little left over to save for the next month's rent.

I still have to pay the rent, but at least I know I have it and I will tell the apartment manager that I won't have this problem in the future. Who knows, I may be able to afford a luxury or two after a year of living in basic poverty. I just need to get through the month of July and settle into the month of August and prove to my new bosses and myself that I am worth something!

You see, I have figured myself out. I have been suffering from depression for over three months now. It is causing lost sleep, bad moods and making decisions that I would never make in my entire life! I have been a mess! I can tell I have been depressed and not just tired as I tried to tell everyone around me...my dishes aren't getting washed, my apartment isn't clean, my brain isn't focused and my whole being isn't what I am used to it being. I actually hate myself and I want to STOP hating myself now!

So, in honor of this monumental decision, I am going to start a new book review blog for myself. I want to keep this seperate from here and my writing and poetry.

I have recently re-emerged myself into the land of Jane Austen and have begun a blog called Tea In Austenland, a blog where I discover my favorite author and her novels. I write about her books, herself and the women and men who have written published re-writes, sequels and prequels to her books. I am also writing about her history, the movies that are made and re-made of her works and anything associated with her.

This is my way of inspiring myself to get into the writing habit and get on with my own novels.
In the course of this, I have discovered a love for Regency Romance. Who would have thought it possible, ME a lover of Scottish historical romances, some contemporary romances and a lover of most paranormal romance....in love with Regency!

Ah well, it just goes to show you that a gal has many sides and facets to herself and she has yet to discover all of them.

Anyway, to get back to it, I have started reviewing the Regencies there, but I am thinking that maybe I need a seperate blog for that whole genre...then again, there are only 7 novels in Jane's library of books, and Elizabeth Gaskell has some great ones, but not many. So why not? Then again, there are 1,000s of Jane fanfiction to review and write about, what is a little new blog about Regency and Romance in general among friends? ~g

I will think about this for a while, and decide if I want to continue writing a real life blog and just take what I have and import it elsewhere. I am not sure yet. I want to do it, and I know I can, I just need to find time to read through all of the roleplaying I do.

Which brings me to the last year and a half. I have been roleplaying characters from two authors I love. I will not say who they are and give it away, but just say that until now I have enjoyed playing these characters and have become the leader of two very wonderful groups of players.

The imaginations of these people are so amazing that I cannot begin to describe it at all! I love being around such creativity and working side by side with people who want to bring joy to the world is so much fun!

I do own and run another group under my pen name of Raven Pegasus. It is a roleplaying group I created that is designed to help me in my writing. The six people who help me with Clan Raven are amazing and I trust them with my life.

The writing is setting up to be a novel or series of novels based on witches and their abilities. Each character has an element and a personality that rivals the person playing them. I am loving this and we are going to work on getting our first storyline set up in the near future. The players have already started establishing themselves among the fans and people are flocking to it already, not much, but enough to get them fired up.

I will not say more except that this is on Facebook and that the group is my family as much as the other two. I am looking forward to seeing where they help me go! I want this so bad I can taste it! I can see this working and this going somewhere amazing and wonderful and I cannot wait to settle into the writing part of it.

With this new turn in my life, and getting this new job, I am also looking into writing some Regency Romance myself. I have some ideas on it and on what I truly want to do with the writing.

I have some great books on how to write a book and some great sites on the internet bookmarked to help me on my journey.

I have even adopted a new pen name for my Regency writing and for whatever else I do outside of Clan Raven. I may even use this name for Clan Raven, not sure yet, but I know this will work itself out someday soon.

I also had my first poem published in a Pagan magazine. This magazine was just launched and it was a total pleasure to be part of the first issue. It is an e-zine and wonderfully written and managed by a wonderful new friend. I can't wait to do more. I have a ton of them now as we speak and enough to give her to last quite a while.

While my world is going up and down, I am striving to be better.

I am going to form new habits and make everything work again. It is time to get organized, and cleaned up. I will spend some of this weekend working towards that goal.

They say it takes two weeks to gain a new good habit and one day to break it. I will work on making it so it is impossible to break these new habits.

I think I need to dust off my organizer, go online and see if I can find something more to supplement my income and to start cleaning out my life for good!

It is time for that permanent house cleaning and permanent mental attitude adjustment, and I am so ready for this one!

It is also time I started acting as I want to act, be as I want myself to be, and not some nasty thing I look at in the mirror! I want to be that person I started out trying to be eons ago when I had decided the first time that I wasn't going to be that disorganized, ugly, unsophisticated person I was.

I also think it's time to use my intelligence to its fullest capacity and stop wishing others would just get smarter or less rude or less ignorant of what they say and what they do.

I want to be this newer person, and I want to save my money so I can afford something better by next year. A place where I don't have to worry about being cramped or hearing neighbors slam doors.

I am so ready for this to begin, it isn't even funny!

I just want to be the person I am meant to be and not stop at just that! I want to write, read, live, eat, and be who I truly am for the first time in my life!

I am so ready for some good to start in my life and to go down smiling and knowing that in the end, I didn't break, I bent just slightly and I remained though I was changed for the better. That is what I want the most.

That, and to accomplish my greatest dreams, even if it is only for myself.

Yes, this has been too much for me...this life until now...but changes are coming and coming fast, and I look forward to them.

Now I am off to read Stephanie Sloane. I think I like this Regency Romance writer a lot!

New Report On Me

2011-05-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

I am back, and feeling really good about myself these days...or so I sometimes like to think.

I have had a strong conviction in the religion I am choosing to walk, and going to do my level best to follow it...I am a witch, and I can't help that. I keep hearing those words in my head as I go along.

I have begun a new project that includes writing my book and new poetry.

30 Seconds To Mars' Jared Leto kind of reminds me of Caine, my sometimes bad boy who loves Arianna.

Alasdair Raven is Arianna's twin...a widow with a few surprises in store.

I am planning to begin a writer's blog for this or just use my webpage for this. I think it would be easier for me in the long run. I do need to work on it or create a new one for writing. Not sure yet what I want to do.

I have been in my own apartment now for almost a year. I like it, but it is hard because my job isn't that lucrative. I am now searching for alternatives to the financial problem, but I am going to hang on for a while longer. I have been at my job for over a year, and I really don't see much of a future with it lately.

I do love having my own place, but I just don't like living so close to the city.

I have all of my freedoms back and able to have a lot of privacy, and that is good, I just miss my Ian Simon Sullivan. I can't afford to have a cat yet, but I do want one so bad, it kills me.

My neighbors are alright. One is definitely rude, another stays to herself, and the new one across the hall hasn't truly moved in yet...and the one on the bottom floor is the sweetest lady here, but you can tell she is lonely. I don't mind her coming up to chat or whatever, she is kind too.

I want to find a new job soon. I cannot afford to live my life and be able to save money in the one I am working in.

They killed Osama bin Laden. I am glad that he is finally gone, but part of me feels like his ending was anti-climatic considering that the War on Terror started so epically and so tragically...you would have thought that after all this time, we could have given those victims some form of satisfaction with his death, but from what is said, it happened so quickly nobody knew that he was dead until the end of the whole thing. He is truly gone now and we can breathe easier knowing one less man is on the Most Wanted list of all time.

I am currently stalled in my reading. I have a pile of TBR's on my nightstand, but I have been way to preoccupied with many things lately to get into them. Or I have been too tired from working and too stressed from my other activities to get into any one of them. Sad because I love reading so much.

The Awaiting Diana Blog is gone now, almost. The other creator and I are working to find a different path to take with it, but for now, we are on hiatus with it.

I am so tired these days. I can never get enough sleep, or enough relaxation time.

I am going to go ahead and create a new blog or a new web page for my writing. I think it will be easier if I do.

New Inspirations

2011-05-03T19:18:00.001-07:00

I have really been into 30 Seconds to Mars lately. I don't know, it's like Seether for me. Something about the and the music gets to me deep down.

I have been busy with my job and a new endeavor lately, one that is close to my heart and writing the stories of my characters.

Sometimes I feel that the best way for me to do what I need to do is get back to basics. Back to me and what I am used to doing, and right now that is writing and everything in my heart.

I will write more later and introduce a new blog geared mainly towards writing...or a web page if that is possible.

Updates On What Is going On With Me

2010-04-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hello,

It has been a while since I have been here. This blog has been re-vamped again and I will be working on changing a lot of things in the near future with it.

I did a lot of spring clean here and you will find that it will soon be nothing but about me and things that I do like. I will be importing some stuff to a newer blog elsewhere sooner or later for my own convenience and to streamline my blogs and seperate things that I like and things I read about.

I have a new job lately that I am not 100% crazy about, but I am glad to have, and they are glad to have me.

I have also recently learned the true meaning of friendship and who can totally be trusted to be there when I need them and who is just there to use people....Karma is a royal bitch and I will see the downfall of many of them sooner or later. Enough said.

I am going teaching myself how to organize myself and my time to spend it in the various places I wish to spend it...ie: here and Awaiting Diana. I will be there more often in the near future.

Speaking of Awaiting Diana, I am proud to say that the re-vamp Jen did on the forum is wonderful and I am looking forward to the re-vamp of the blog. We have added a new blog page called Darcy Nation that Jen will run herself. I like it, and she has done a brilliant job. I guess I am next on the list of changes and additions...lol I am soo looking forward to doing my part to help out.

I will also be working to make sure we get everything done for all aspects of things.

My other projects will be fun too. I am working in another place and playing with some wonderful people to make what is only fantasy into a fun escape. I am enjoying the friends I make there.

I cannot wait to see things change and work for all of us all around.

Next up is grounding myself and getting back into some habits I always needed to be in...and that includes myself spiritually. It is time to return to what calls to me and has been within me forever.

I will continue to change and fix this site and others...however, in the end, I will eventually take down the writing blog because I am working on putting it in the website DREAMS OF THE BLUE ROSE. I will also be closing down many pages that I no longer use. Since one or two sites shut down it should be easy as of this moment. Live Journal may end up closing down for me. Everything that is there is here and I no longer feel the need for more than one page. I will see, since I am reluctant to part with a longtime friend.

I am working to clear things up so that I can make room for not only my poetry/writing website, but so that I can open up another one for reading and stuff...or just have a blog for it.

I will be back soon, just give me a few!

Love,
Karol Lynn

COMMENTING ON THIS BLOG!!!

2010-03-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

To Whomever it is who is commenting on this blog in another language and on EVERY blog post...please stop now! Only comment if I can understand it and it is relevent to the post! I do not appreciate spamming on this blog!

Thank you!!

What I Am Up To So Far-

2009-08-27T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am still searching or a job, and again, I say that it is very hard to find one with the unemployment rate so hight. There are more than twenty applicants per job opening. I am keeping hopeful, and I know that sooner or later something will come about.

My great-uncle died this past Monday. It is alright, he was 94 years old. He lived a good life and was a WWII veteran...he suffered a lot in the end, but now that it is over, I am happy that he is in Heaven and the suffering is over. He will be laid to rest tomorrow afternoon.

I am doing what I can as far as reading. I am counting down the days until Diana Gabaldon's AN ECHO IN THE BONE is released at the end of September. My only hope is that I have a job by then so that I can afford to buy the book instead of being on the reserve list for the library.

Right now, I am currently in the re-read of FIERY CROSS....which is not one of my favorite DG novels, but moves the story along quite nicely. I am over halfway through it and plan to get my reviews for it up in our forum blog soon.

I am also beginning the writing process for myself. Soon, I will be neck deep in information and ideas for my own writing and hoping that I can write something awesome.

For the moment, I am just babbling and getting something here so everyone knows that I am alright...

Have a great day!!

~Karol

J.R. Ward: Zhadist, Vishous And Phury

2009-08-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

In the shadows of the night in Caldwell, New York,
there's a deadly war raging between vampires and their
slayers. And there exists a secret band of brothers
like no other - six vampire warriors, defenders of their
race. Now, an ally of the Black Dagger Brotherhood
will face the challenge of his life and the evil of the ages.

Just a refresher for the Black Dagger Brotherhood.

When I left off with the reviews, I was just sitting down to read Butch's story LOVER REVEALED after reading LOVER AWAKENED, Zhadist's story....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Butch O'Neal is a fighter by nature. A hard living, ex-homicide cop, he's the only human ever to be allowed in the inner circle of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. And he wants to go even deeper into the vampire world- to engage in the turf war with the lessers. He's got nothing to lose. His heart belongs to a female vampire, an aristocratic beauty who's way out of his league. If he can't have her, then at least he can fight side by side with the Brothers...

Fate curses him with the very thing he wants. When Butch sacrifices himself to save a civilian vampire from the slayers, he falls prey to the darkest force in the war. Left for dead, found by a miracle, the Brotherhood calls on Marissa to bring him back, though even her love may not be enough to save him...
http://www.jrward.com/index-books.html

I loved this story because it showed a new possibility for the Brotherhood...a chance to add to the ranks.

Butch is a perfect addition to the group, full of angst and what he feels is unrequited love for Marrissa. I wonderful book, and I recommend it to everyone!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Up next is another crazy twist and a wonderful novel to boot!! Vishous's story LOVER UNBOUND....I will get to this in a moment.

Ruthless and brilliant, Vishous son of the Bloodletter possesses a destructive curse and a frightening ability to see the future. As a pretrans growing up in his father's war camp, he was tormented and abused. As a member of the Brotherhood, he has no interest in love or emotion, only the battle with the Lessening Society. But when a mortal injury puts him in the care of a human surgeon, Dr. Jane Whitcomb compels him to reveal his inner pain and taste true pleasure for the first time- until a destiny he didn't choose takes him into a future that cannot include her.

V's story is probably the hardest story to read if you don't understand the darker side of certain types of sexual relationships....but to be honest, V is a great character with a lot love that he doesn't know how to show or to recognize in the grand scheme of things.

The ending of this story is very interesting, and to say that I was shocked that it was done in this way is an understatement. It just shows that Ms. Ward is very diverse in her writings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Now for Zhadist's twin....Phury, who I came to adore and wanted to hit all the way through his story.....LOVER ENSHRINED.

Fiercely loyal to the Black Dagger Brotherhood, Phury has sacrificed himself for the good of the race, becoming the male responsible for keeping the Brotherhood's bloodlines alive. As Primale of the Chosen, he is to father the sons and daughters who will ensure that the traditions of the race survive and that there are warriors to fight those who want all vampires extinguished.

As his first mate, the Chosen Cormia wants to win not only his body but his heart for herself- she sees the emotionally scarred male behind all his noble responsibility. But while the war with the Lessening Society grows more grim, and tragedy looms over the Brotherhood's mansion, Phury must decide between duty and love.

It was interesting to see this story play out...the drug addiction side was hard to take in, but Phury had been doing this for so long, it is hard to get it out of your head.

It was no wonder that Phury has the addiction, what with looking for a century for his twin, Z and finding out what had been done to the brother....then to watch that brother slowly sink for centuries until Bella came along.

Phury had some serious baggage, but he works through them and his love and alas his addiction.

In this story, there is a surprise return. The one we are waiting for since his disappearance, Thorment returns after the loss of his wife, and there is an addition to the group....

This is also the story where young John Matthew, Blay and Quinn start to make strong appearances and add more to the mix. John Matthew has been making himself known, but now it seems that his friend, Quinn is more vocal as well...so along with Rhevenge's voice coming into the mix, and a female Xhex making her voice heard a which I felt was about time!!

The next story in the list is Rheveng's (Bella's brother), LOVER AVENGED. I plan to get to that one soon, since I am almost finished reading it....and to give you a bit of a peek: I am so in love with the story so far!!!

Hello Caledonia!!!

2009-08-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am in a Celtic Thunder mood today. I think it is because my mind is in Caledonia!!

(turn off Austenland's trailer first!!)

I am thinking of writing soon!!! Or jumping into Diana Gabaldon's world!

Lost In Austen

2009-07-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry for not being around lately. I have been looking for a new job and it is proving to be unsuccessful and a bit frustrating.

I am not going to be negative about this, I will continue to search, and soon something will come up and I will be joyful and thankful for it.

This month, I am on a Jane Austen kick.

I have been reading a lot of sequels and re-writes of her novels. I think many of them are wonderful and interesting to read.

I saw Lost In Austen this past week or so and have become quite taken with the show.

It is about a young woman who's life isn't what she wants it to be and so she looses herself in Pride And Prejudice...

She finds Elizabeth Bennet in her bathroom and from there, the young woman, Amanda Price, ends up in Austen's book herself.

What ensues from that point on is a delightful misadventure and an accidental re-write of the original novel...

Oh, and a very delicious version of Mr. Darcy in Elliot Cowan...and this from a Colin Firth's Version of Mr. Darcy fan too!!! Oh, and for those who WANT to make a connection to the second Mr. Darcy favorite, Matthew MacFadyen, he starred in a movie with him called "Little Dorrit.

Here is the Amazon.com description:

"Amanda Price is sick of the modern world. She yearns for the romance and elegance found in the books by her favorite author, Jane Austen. But she's about to get a rude awakening as one fateful evening, she is propelled into the scheming 19th century world of Pride and Prejudice while that book's Elizabeth Bennet is hurled into hers. As the book's familiar plot unfolds, Amanda triggers new romantic twists and turns within the Bennet family circle as she clumsily tries to help the sisters nab husbands and even captivates the tantalizing Mr. Darcy herself. But what about Elizabeth...and what will become of one of the world's greatest love stories?"
~Amazon.com

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Brothers In Arms Celtic Thunder/Ryan Kelly

2009-07-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

Lost My Job Today

2009-06-15T14:52:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day today, my boss handed me a letter and said he was laying me off until September....

WTF??? Forgive the strong language, but I am upset because he let me go when I can do many things in that joint, and kept the part time help, who is only there for three or four hours a day and doesn't do anything...and he kept his lazy manager there. She only works for a half hour out of every hour she is there and spends the rest of the time smoking cigarettes and cussing everyone out!! And I am the one he let go...the one who works and is capable of doing everything.

Worse, he kept the girls he hired AFTER me!!

The reason was that there wasn't any work...funny, there was a ton of it over the last three or four weeks!! Today and last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were the only days that we were kind of slow!!!

Well, I am shaken, upset and ready to scream, but I am NOT broken!! I will prevail! I have God on my side and in my heart!

After the initial crying jag on the way home from work, I am sitting here after putting in several applications online...although, I am going to have to figure out how to get my resume in some of them, I think I put in enough for today.

I know that many people think that there aren't any jobs out there, but I am sure I can find something...I have faith and I have confidence in myself that I will accomplish this as soon as I possibly can.

I do not wish those people ill, and in September I don't think I will go back to work for them...they have treated me poorly over the year that I have worked with them...the foul language and the poor attitudes of the ones around me only brought me down and made me into an uptight, upset person and I am glad I am gone. I feel sorry for those who are left.

Anyway, I am just going to keep praying and keep my heart close to God in this.

~Karollynn

Oral Surgery And My BDR Fix

2009-06-04T15:26:00.000-07:00

I am going to spend most of tomorrow having oral surgery.

I know you are thinking that is so not fun...and maybe it isn't, but the dentist performing the surgery is so gorgeous, I think I will be able to live with the pain and sedation and numbing of my mouth...lol

I have my book list all lined up and ready to go....J.R. Ward's LOVER UNBOUND...I am going to read Vishous' story. I am in the beginning of it, but I am going to be all over this while I am in bed sick!!

I am thoroughly hooked on this vampires recently...to the point that I have added some more fun to my blog here....check out the Stephanie Meyers and Acheron widgets...both of which i am total fans of!!

I just wish I could find some more cool widgets for the Black Dagger Brotherhood and tons of other cool stuff!!

Reminds me, gotta add Warchild back in to here...lol

Anyway, this weekend, I will be out of commission, so if you actually do see me on Facebook, Myspace or Twitter saying some weird stuff...ignore me, the Vicodin will eventually wear off....you can make fun of me when I am coherent!!

I am just putting up some cutesy stuff to feed my BDR fix....

Writing and Sacred Space

2009-05-30T09:14:00.000-07:00

I am going to begin to evaluate my life to this point..I feel that I am failing myself when it comes to accomplishing my goals and dreams.

I spend more time reading than I do writing...and that is my dream.

I want to write that great novel instead of having my head buried in one.

I guess that in order to do this, I must begin with the cliche...that first step.

I know I can accomplish this, it is a matter of getting to a place where I can do it. I need that sacred space where the world cannot interfere with what I wish to accomplish. Again, this is hard, but if I stop crying about it and just do it, there shouldn't be that much of a problem....

Besides, if I can find the time and energy to go to the library and write in an online blog...why is it so hard to stop and take the time to find a place and time to write what I need to???

I wish I had a place somewhere that is totally private and easy to get to online where I could write....blah!!!!

I will figure this out!

~Karol

Currently Reading J.R. Ward

2009-05-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for not being around all month...I have had dental issues and a lot of laziness this month...basically trying to get from one end of this month to the other.

I began reading J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood, and I am completely hooked on this series.

It is a paranormal romance series where vampires are born, not created and the ones who love them.

http://www.jrward.com/

The Brotherhood:

In the shadows of the night in Caldwell, New York, there's a deadly turf war going on between vampires and their slayers. There also exists a secret band of brothers like no other - six vampire warriors, defenders of their race. Among them, none relishes killing their enemies more than Wrath, the leader of the Black Dagger Brotherhood...

***from J.R. Ward's web site.

We begin with Wrath...The Blind King:

Dark Lover:

The only purebred vampire left on the planet, Wrath has a score to settle with the slayers who murdered his parents centuries ago. But when one of his most trusted fighters is killed- orphaning a half-breed daughter unaware of her heritage or her fate - Wrath must usher the beautiful female into the world of the undead…Racked by a restlessness in her body that wasn't there before, Beth Randall is helpless against the dangerously sexy man who comes to her at night with shadows in his eyes. His tales of brotherhood and blood frighten her. But his touch ignites a dawning hunger that threatens to consume them both…

Then we have Rhage:

Lover Eternal:

Within the brotherhood, Rhage is the vampire with the strongest appetites. He’s the best fighter, the quickest to act on his impulses, and the most voracious lover—for inside him burns a ferocious curse cast by the Scribe Virgin. Possessed by this dark side, Rhage fears the times when his inner dragon is unleashed, making him a danger to everyone around him.
Mary Luce, a survivor of many hardships, is unwittingly thrown into the vampire world and reliant on Rhage’s protection. With a life-threatening curse of her own, Mary is not looking for love. Her faith in miracles was lost years ago. But when Rhage’s intense animal attraction turns into something more emotional, he knows that he must make Mary his alone. And while their enemies close in, Mary fights desperately to gain life eternal with the one she loves…

Then on to my personal favorite so far, and the one I am currently finishing:

Zhadist:

Lover Awakened:

A former blood slave, the vampire Zsadist still bears the scars from a past filled with suffering and humiliation. Renowned for his unquenchable fury and sinister deeds, he is a savage feared by humans and vampires alike. Anger is his only companion, and terror is his only passion—until he rescues a beautiful aristocrat from the evil Lessening Society.
Bella is instantly entranced by the seething power Zsadist possesses. But even as their desire for one another begins to overtake them both, Zsadist’s thirst for vengeance against Bella’s tormentors drives him to the brink of madness. Now, Bella must help her lover overcome the wounds of his tortured past, and find a future with her…

This is as far as I have read so far...I am currently finishing Zhadist's story and planning to start LOVER REVEALED this weekend, which is the story of the only Human among the Brotherhood...Butch O'Neal and his love for a female vampire.

I will give you a review of the the books as I finish the series.

I like J. R. a lot. Her writing style is raw and down to earth...and I love the Brothers. I think that between them and the Dark Hunters, I am in heaven!!
~Karol Lynn

Monica McCarty's UNTAMED HIGLANDER

2009-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

I am a lover of Scottish romance...I can't help it! I love men in kilts with those claymores hacking away at a woman's heart!

It doesn't matter what the time period for a Scottish romance is, I will read it.

I have read many authors of Scottish romance-from Kinley MacGregor to Lynn Kurland's time travel...and of course my personal hero, Diana Gabaldon!! I can't help loving to escape into heather covered moors and watch lovely lochs gently moving in the breeze.

So, I am about to embark on reading Monica McCarty's MacLeods of Skye series. HIGHLANDER UNTAMED: http://www.monicamccarty.com/books/untamed.html

Of course, I will begin this tonight after I finish reading Sharon Lathan's novel (check out Darcysaga.net...you will love it if you are a huge fan of Jane Austen). I cannot wait...my electric blanket, a cup of earl grey, some Walker's Shortbread, and this girl will be lost in Scotland once again!!

I have heard excellent reviews of Monica's books, so reading this will be a joy...there are three novels in this series, then on to her next series-The Cameron Trilogy, which starts with HIGHLAND WARRIOR which came out just last week on January 27.

I know that taking on another series would be suicide for some, but I am caught up with Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark Hunters (except DREAM WARRIOR, which comes out in a few days), Kinley MacGregor's Lords Of Avalon series (which is SK's alter-ego, and the next one comes out later this year), and Gena Showalter's Lords Of The Underworld (the next will be out in May, so I am not worried about catching up). I love reading favorite authors, and as long as I keep caught up with each author as I need to be, then it's alright...besides, Sharon Lathan's next Darcy Sage doesn't come out til September...I have plenty of time.

I will be reviewing that novel soon, but for now...I need to read it!!

I am looking forward to reading this one!! I haven't read a Scottish romance in a few months, so I shall thoroughly enjoy myself!!

Monica's web page is: http://www.monicamccarty.com/index.html

Long live the Scottish Romance!!!

~Happy reading,
~Karol Lynn

ONE SILENT NIGHT by Sherrilyn Kenyon

2009-01-29T10:54:00.001-08:00

I am so bad! I forgot to put up my thoughts and feelings on Sherrilyn Kenyon's ONE SILENT NIGHT.

I loved this book!

Description from Amazon.com:

While the world carries on unawares, Stryker, who leads an army of demons and vampires, is plotting an all out onslaught against his enemies—which, unfortunately for us, includes the entire human race. To avenge his sister, Stryker prepares to annihilate the Dark-Hunters. But things go awry when his oldest enemy returns. Enter his ex-wife. Zephyra. Just when he thought nothing could stop him, he’s now embroiled in a centuries old war with a shrew who gives new meaning to pain.

What I loved about Stryker and Zephyra's story is that neither was looking for the usual redemption...or the salvation....both of these characters are bad to the bone and do not apologize for it.

In the end, their love has lasted 11000 years, and even through separation and curse from Apollo, Stryker's father, nothing changes the love these two feel for one another!

There are non-stop giggles as you read the dialogue between Zehp and Stryker! It's a laugh out loud at the quips kind of book. These quips are interspersed throughout the entire novel, and will make it hard to put this book down.

I loved reading the part where Stryker has to eat crow and ask his nemesis, Acheron (yes, our favorite hero!) for his help in saving his child.

This story is action packed, and took me only two days to read because I love every word that comes out of Sherrilyn's stories!

I recommend this book to anyone, but remember to read Acheron's story first! It helps a lot in understanding certain things!

~Karol Lynn

"Gotta Be" By Nickelback!

2009-01-29T10:08:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows that I love Nickelback, and their new song, "Gotta Be" is my new favorite, until they come out with a new one. I found the video, and I love it.

I love Chad's hair in this, and that they are playing with such passion, as Nickelback always does!

GOTTA BE by Nickelback:

"Ash" By Warchild

2009-01-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

Because I am about to loose my Warchild Video to the older posts, I thought I would put it up with each page...I love this song, and I love Acheron!

Dream Warrior comes out February 3, 2009

Dream Warrior Out February 3, 2009

2009-01-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

I am looking forward to Dream Warrior by Sherrilyn Kenyon coming out February 3, 2009. It is the next leg in the journey of the Dream Hunters and Dark Hunters.

As I have stated many times before, I am a huge Sherrilyn Kenyon fan, and I plan to spend a few days reading this one! It's exciting to FINALLY be on the same wavelength as other fans. Even though it only took me two to three months to catch up on a series that has been out since 2003, I am happy about how quickly I was able to get there.

This is the Amazon.com description:

The son of Warcraft and Hate, Cratus spent eternity battling for the ancient gods who birthed him. He was death to any who crossed him. Until the day he laid down his arms and walked into self-imposed exile. Now an ancient enemy has been unleashed and our dreams are his chosen battlefield. The only hope we have is the one god who swears he will never fight again.

As a Dream-Hunter, Delphine has spent eternity protecting mankind from the predators who prey on our unconscious state. But now that her allies have been turned, she knows in order to survive, the Dream-Hunters need a new leader. Someone who can train them to fight their new enemies. Cratus is her only hope. But she is a bitter reminder of why he chose to lay down his arms.

Time is running out and if she can't win him to her cause, mankind will be slaughtered and the world we know will soon cease to exist.

I have already read an excerpt of this, and I am so fascinated by Cratus! Only six days left!!

~Karol Lynn

....I hope this new layout is a lot better than the one before it, I actually had to fix a few webpages as well, so TeamArmitage, all is set to rights!!

Lynn Viehl, Twitter

2009-01-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

I have found that reading is the greatest comfort I have these days. I have just discovered a new author named Lynn Veihl, and her Darkyn series. I am on the second book in the series called PRIVATE DEMON.

I don't have many stats for Lynn as of yet, but finding stuff on her is kind of hard yet.

Lynn's work is far different from Sherrilyn Kenyon, but she is fun to read. A bit dark, but I am getting into it slowly.

So far, there are about seven books on the shelves, but I have done like SK and bought about four of the books so that I can stay into the series rather than finish a book, then bite my nails waiting to go the the book store to buy the next in line.

I figure that when it's time, I will be able to get the last three in the series soon....I hear that the very latest in the series is Robin of Locksley as a Darkyn.

Darkyn are basically vampires with a heirarchy complex, so to speak...they are a race who's enemy is the Bretheren who hide behind the Archdiocese. They use God as an excuse to maim and torcher men who rose from the grave centuries ago, similar to the old legends of Vampires.

However, the Darkyn have a twist...they are Knights Templar who came back from the Holy Land with this curse/disease that allows them to live forever....the usual type of suspects for a vampire style story, eh???

I will find more information online about Lynn Viehl and get it here as soon as I can. I am very behind in my Awaiting Diana Bood Review blog, and I will probably put it there as soon as I get reading on all the novels.

Right now, I am borrowing BY THE RAVEN'S MOON and DEVIL MAY CRY audio books by Sherrilyn Kenyon from the library and I may spend some time listening to books I have already enjoyed reading....

Sometime soon, I will be working on my website and other blogs around the net...I have just been busy reading and trying to get home from work in one piece lately that I haven't even thought of getting online much except from my cell phone....and now that I am doing the forum newsletter bi-weekly, I can spend more time on the Dark-Hunter message boards and other various places.

I am limiting myself on my Facebook because there isn't much there for me to get into, and trying to spend a lot more time on Myspace and Twitter...or rather, figuring out Twitter...lol
http://twitter.com/raven1746 as soon as I figure out what I am doing there, I'll let ya know...lol

I am also on Bebo, but that one is something I still need to figure out too...too much going on!!!

Have a great weekend, and happy reading,
~Karol

Birthdays!!!

2009-01-05T15:23:00.000-08:00

Today was a lovely day. It was my birthday, and it felt like the sun was shining all day long...just wonderful.

Today, it seems that I have found that I don't feel like I am 39, but I feel 29...it's so funny because every year since I hit thirty, I have felt like I was younger than I am...people say I look younger than I am, and I will not argue with that, who would???LOL

It' so nice to be able to feel that way about myself...I am mentally thirty nine, but in all other aspects, I don't....I am not questioning this, friends, I am just glad that I still have this mentality....I wonder if I will have this when I am over forty....we shall see...lol

This past weekend was nice. I had a little celebration of my own with the Walker's Shortbread and Earl Grey tea that Nej sent me for Christmas while I read ONE SILENT NIGHT in two days (see, I told you I would end up reading fast, I always do with Sherrilyn Kenyon). I also went for a walk in my park because it was so warm for this time of year...it was also sunny all weekend too, like God had decided to give me something special for my birthday.

I spent most of my walk thinking about myself and my life. I thought about all of the changes that have come into my life and how I have dealt with everything.

I came to the conclusion that I fail quite a bit, but I have learned to place the blame solely at my own feet, and fix what I can....I have learned that I am a forgiving person, and I would do whatever it takes to help others, even when I get slapped down for trying...I do it because I want to help, and not for any other reason....that's the way we should all be.

Well, I am going to go home and have a nice evening in with my family!

~Karol Lynn

Finished ACHERON

2009-01-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

This is my book review for ACHERON in my GoodReads profile. I just put it up today and it is at it's bare bones:

"This book was very hard to digest in the beginning. The cruelty dealt to Acheron had my heart aching for him. I wanted to reach through the pages and beat the tar out of all of those who had hurt Acheron and Ryssa....a sweet little soul who, like Acheron didn't deserve what fate had dealt to her.

I loved the way Sherrilyn seemed to answer all of our questions from previous Dark Hunter novels concerning Acheron and his past. I was a bit confused at first as to why Ryssa's point of view was being told, but in the second half my questions were answered. I loved it! I felt like I was asking the questions from Great Expectations: What does the first chapter have to do with the rest of the novel?? OOOOHHHH, now I get it...lol

The second half of the book was pure Sherrilyn Kenyon, and I loved it all, but what surprised me the most was that Soteria, our heroine, was even stronger in mind and soul that Ash was. I laughed at how she had her little "girl talk" with Artemis, and her whole entire character was delightful, and didn't deviate from her younger self in Dream Hunter.

I was sad to see the last page of ACHERON because I didn't want this book to end...then again, with so many other stories added to the Hunter series, I am looking forward to seeing the other arcs to the series and Sherrilyn's other larger than life characters come forward. I loved this novel! I even went out and bought the audio version for my walks and other times of rest! I will be re-reading this novel over and over again!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved this novel, and I really recommend it to anyone, but first they must read the other novels first. Those I put in our book review blog, which I have linked to this blog.

I loved the fact that Acheron is both strong and very shy and timid at the same time. His insecurities are what makes you love him throughout the stories, but at times grind on the nerves because they are based on the past, and that was 11000 years ago, but some things run deep, and this only added to the sexy factor that is Acheron.

Soteria, the heroine of the story was a shock. I was expecting the little nerdy girl from DREAM HUNTER to be completely changed, re-vamped and turned into some goddess rival for Ash's affections. Instead, it was the same girl we loved from Arik's story, and the only changes was she grew up and she shines brighter now. A perfect soul mate to Ash....the one you would think was the stronger ends up being weaker, but in a great way...it's awesome. t

I guess what I am trying to say about this story is that while Acheron is the alpha, Soteria isn't exactly the wimpering weakling...she is definately alpha in her own right....and both characters have their own issues to over come.

I loved Soteria's threats to Artemis...that is one tough girl!!

I also love the references to modern slang and music...along with the references to other authors that Sherrilyn shares the spotlight with, and in anthologies with: L.A. Banks' expression "drop fang" is mentioned in the series....along with Nickelback's music and other bands that I actually love and listen to.

The dialogue in the novel is in keeping with the other Dark Hunter series and is fun to read. Sherrilyn doesn't disappoint in this one!!

I cannot get over how this novel went. It was amazing, and I am so proud of Sherrilyn Kenyon's work. I am looking forward to the WORLD arc and the Dogs Of War arc which will be Nick's baby....this will be so much fun!

But first, I am going to settle down to ONE SILENT NIGHT. It is the utlimate enemy/bad guy, Stryker's story...it will be fun to see Stryker fall!! I cannot wait for this one!

After ONE SILENT NIGHT, I am on to finish Sherrilyn's alter ego: Kinley MacGregor's Lords Of Avalon series and then to J.R. Ward's vampire series.

By that point, I am hoping that Lynn Kurland's third book in the NINE KINGDOM'S series is out, and then I am patiently awaiting the next Dark Hunter to come out...there are two that I am dying to get my fangs into that are coming out this year!!!

Happy reading, and much love to all!!

~Karol Lynn

Good Reads/New Year...

2008-12-30T14:58:00.000-08:00

Well, tomorrow is the last day of the year...I am already thinking in terms of 2009...don't know why...it's one year closer to forty for me...lol

I have been thinking about all of the things that I have done in this year, and I am proud of a lot of what I have done.

Even the Christmas miracle gone bad hasn't change my outlook on this past year...but I have learned love and forgiveness. At least that is a good thing....chalk one up for Pope John Paul II for teaching us that lovely lesson...and Mother Theresa for showing me how to give and show compassion! This has been an odd up and down year, as all years always seem to be, but it's over and time to move forward.

I have all the preparations for my New Year's Resolutions done and I am ready to begin....I have that gung-ho feeling now...but let's just see what happens by January 2...lol

I have been updating my GoodReads page...I have read a lot since the last time I was on there!! It's fun to see what I have read and what I am preparing to read and what I have read...of course, remembering what I have read in the past is a chore...lol

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1719302 Stop by and see what I have read and am planning to read...these lists are long!! I never realized until now HOW many books I have read in my lifetime! WOW!! That's only part of them...lol

Tomorrow night, we will all throw out the old, and sing in the new with AULD LANG SYGNE...I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year!!

~Karol Lynn

This is Dougie MacLean singing the true Auld Lang Sygne:

Acheron, Writing and Wordpress/Websites

2008-12-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, I know. I just got busy with everything and being sick. It's been a real joy ride to be me recently.

I have finally began ACHERON by Sherrilyn Kenyon. I am halfway through the novel, and I am very impressed with this novel thus far. It is different from the rest, very emotional. The foreword said that she will get back to the usual type of writing in the second half of the novel...that fun, sarcastic and witty author we have come to expect from SK.

Acheron makes me wonder what Savitar and Jaden will be like. They are already interesting characters to me, and worthy of epic novels too in my opinion. Of course, it would be better to be able to see Nick Gautier as a huge deal as well...I also think SK is setting up another arc in her Dark-Hunter/Were-Hunter/Dream-Hunter/WORLD series. I just read in her Myspace page about another breed of hunters...it looks like Sherrilyn has a hard time letting go of her favorite characters. That's alright because it's hard for her fans to let them go too...hehe!!

Reading more and more of this series has inspired me to write more often recently...one of the reasons that I haven't been online a lot lately. There's a lot in my mind and I want to get it out before I go mad!!

I am also working on my Wordpress blog-BY THE RAVEN'S PEN, and my web site by the same name. I am trying to get everything in that site as I can. I cannot wait to see either of these mature.

I am also trying to get my LiveJournal updated and get some of the poetry in there that I promised Lilimist I would have there. I want to make sure that I keep all of my promises.

Work has been a pain in the backside, but that is to be expected, and if I could, I would quite and find something that is better than the unnecessary chaos that is my job. I just go to work, do my job, and go home...only home is a pain in the ass as well....

My family gets on my nerves, and I am at the end of my patience levels with them...I am literally counting my money as we speak to see if I can get out of that crazy place!!! The only comfort I have at the moment is knowing that I have been given a bit more privacy, even if the "room" I am in still is out in the basic open...ah well, I am going to knuckle down and do what I need to do....get away from it all!!!

I am going to go out to the park today, it will be warm this weekend, and I want to enjoy it while it lasts....it's also the only refuge I have in this world!

I am also planning to get as much of ACHERON read as I can this weekend. I love this story, and I am very impressed by SK and her work.

I am also planning on working on my own writing this weekend. My backpack is full of the things that I need to help me write. I cannot do this on my computer because of all of the disturbances, but I can write down the things that I need to on paper just to get the whole crazy thing put down somewhere. I will eventually get my work on the computer, or maybe my Writing.com site as I have time and the availability of the computers at the library....

I go to the library to use their computers because I get some form of privacy and quiet to write and check out my forums. It's a lot easier, and I have a young friend here who actually enjoys my company and misses me when I am not here...he could be my son, but I prefer big sister. I do watch out for him, and make sure that he stays safe on Myspace. He's a good boy, just very young and impressive....I just hope that friendship with me helps him in some way.

~Karol Lynn

Ash/Warchild Tributes

2008-11-19T16:54:00.000-08:00

Sinc I love The Dark Hunters by Sherrilyn Kenyon, I thought I would find some great stuff on it.

I give you "ASH" by Warchild:

That song was written for Acheron, and by Warchild himself...who is rather cute, if I do say so myself..

Ok, same song, only just a BABE FEST!!! Although, I am uncertain of some of these guys as our DH's though lol

-

I am in one of those moods again...lol

Have a great evening!!

~Karol Lynn

Dark Hunters And Nickelback-Yummy!!

2008-11-05T15:40:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to experiment with newer colors and ideas for today...so bare with me ok...lol

I am not in a better mood today, and it has nothing to do with the elections...they way I see thatis this: in four years, I can fire him, and that is that...lol

Anyway, my job is such that I am starting to realize that the anger, negativity and apathy are what is causing my semi-depressed moods lately, which are resulting in stomach aches and headaches....I can't quite, given our current state of economic abusive affairs, so I have to tough this out, and give in on myself-I have five days' vacation pay coming to me. Instead of using them as sick days, maybe I need a vacation....maybe I need sleep and a bit of time away from everyone and everything!!! Who knows, I just want to rest and pray that will help.

I have been absorbed in Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark Hunter series! I am so far gone, I buy the next two in a series when I am only half way through a book....I figure that I won't be stuck waiting for to go buy the next novel, I will have it in my tbr list. I find this to be a great series that has fueled my imagination (check my review in Awaiting Diana~BookObsession's blog). I also have the links to her pages here and there...and I need to add them to my webroll here soon.

I am also excited because Nickelback has a new song out, and I love it...I cannot wait for the cd to come out or the video! I love Chad Kroeger!!! I am going to put the youtube lyrics up right now for my own drooling benefit, and because Chad is one of my pick-me-ups, right up there with my favorite Dark Hunters...lol

God For President

2008-11-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

Alright, here goes nothing....and it's all rant.

Every one of my friends know that I love my country, I am a supporter of all things that are better for the general good of our population. I am proud to vote, and even though I gripe about it, I consider jury duty to be a part of my citizenship....

Having said that, I am sorely ashamed of my country throughout this entire election season! I have been going to the polls to vote since I was eighteen years old...and to be honest, I have NEVER seen anything so disgusting as this entire election.

The lies, slander and general abuse of political powers have made me so sick, that this morning while I was at the polls, I almost did a write in vote for God and Jesus Christ as His Vice President! Only he can save this sick and twisted world as far as I am concerned!

I am sorry, but I realize that on both sides of parties, we will get our fair share of cult like followers of each candidate, but seriously!! To hang a Palin doll in effigy in one state then to turn around and do the same with an Obama doll on a Kentucky college campus is wrong! We make up our minds to vote for the ones we think is best, and it's up to the candidates to change our minds....it's not our place to defile the other because we don't like his or her proposals. It's our place to vote and let them know what we think and what we feel on these issues.

Over the course of the next four years, America will be in the crapper, no matter who is elected, and it's going to take more than the Rotorooter man to get us out of this. So, whomever you vote for, you can honestly know that you WILL NOT be happy with what happens. We are all going to have to shut up and just work to try to make sure that the future will be prosperous...that is the bottom line!

I am sorry, my friends, but I am very disappointed in our country! I am very frustrated because I had to vote down a levy that wasn't asking for much and we need desperately because our economy is so far beyond redemption at the moment that I couldn't! I was angry over this...and this levy only was only asking for very little, and I can't even afford NINE CENTS for it!!

You know what? I heard an interesting story on NPR radio about a year before the War On Terror began about four men in Iraq who had stopped at a red light. One of the men made a joke about Saddam Hussein and a police officer overheard it....they went to prison over the joke....only 1 man came out of prison alive....imagine NOT even being allowed that because you don't have the FREEDOMS that the rest of us have...image NOT being able to tell our leaders to kiss our collective ass!!

Today, in front of me at the polls was a couple. I didn't know that they were from another country until they spoke...they sounded like they were from the Middle East. They were talking about the many times they had been at the polls to vote. My mind kept running towards what it must have been like for them. To fight to come to this country, then to BECOME citizens of America because they wanted to. They don't take this duty for granted, and they didn't gripe or argue for their chosen candidates...they were happy to have the opportunities that we so often take for granted....Even the freedom of religion and speaking out for and against the things they believe in. And here we are-poor examples of how to do things with dignity and grace.

I know I am being harsh against my country, but I think that whether it's "change" or "reform"...Joe the Plumber, or "my wonderful grandmother"...we are not going to see anything productive come out of the next four years-and it's these are words you are throwing around for the good of your election campaign.

I keep praying for us, and I keep hoping that millions of others are too.

All I can say at this point, is that I voted. I am proud of the fact that I did, but I am not happy with the choices and the issues on the ballots.

I hope every American got out today and voted. Remember one thing: our military fights for this freedom too...don't take it for granted!

~Karol Lynn

It's Alright To Be Lazy At Work...Yeah, Right!!

2008-10-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have written. I have had my nose stuck in books for a few weeks, and I guess I just let time run away from me again.

My manager at work told me yesterday that I shouldn't rush at my job or worry over every little thing...that everything will get done as it does, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't. What kind of attitude is that for a manager to take? I am not angry, but seriously, I am not lazy at work either. I like to have the job finished before the owner comes in at 4:30 in the afternoon to take over. I like knowing that I am doing all I can to make sure that the job is done properly. I want a raise and consideration for more later on because of my job performance...what can I say.

I also like to get finished so I can sit arounda and read for the last hour or two of work...makes it interesting.

I can't wait to get this day over with. The weekend looks like it will be a nice one. I am looking forward to getting the opportunity to walk in the park and look at the changing leaves. It's so beautiful, it wrenches at my heart.

I found out the other day, that my insurance plans at work also include vision coverage, so I am going to set it up so that I can go to the eye doctor soon...this is nice, because I won't have to pay huge sums of money to see...lol I also have to start making other appointments for other exams soon too. It seems that I have been getting sick a lot over the past few months, and I want to see if it's due to stress, or from the chemicals at work.

I have never been sick when working in this business before...at least at other companies, but this one doesn't take care of it's equipment, and you can smell the chemical cleaner all over the place...one of our new employees had to quit because it gave him headaches and nose bleeds...he isn't used to that anyway, but if he had been with another company, that wouldn't have happened.

I am contemplating taking my five day vacation soon. I am not sure what I want to do with it, but I want to get away from everything and everyone here soon. I just need to breathe and not feel like I have to go to work, or whatever. I am tired of being around people constantly. I wouldn't mind slowing down, and spending time away.

I applied for a part-time job at this little books store down the street from where I work, called Amethyst Books and Gifts. They don't need help right now, but they also asked if I was willing to dress up in Faery garb once in a while during their festivals, and I said I could try. I don't do theatrics, but it would be fun to dress up and be around people just to be around them....of course, I wouldn't mind working for this place either. It is a New Age style store that caters to many different types of peoples. The incense is so soothing when you go in. If anything, working there would pay for all the lovely things that I want there....lol

~Karol Lynn

Getting In Gear, Breast Cancer Awareness...

2008-09-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have been here. Life just seems to run away with me this month. I am barely keeping up with September.

With everything going on, it's hard for me to just sit still and write anything!! I am reading a lot, though. Interesting, but boring at time too, I guess.

I would love to write about exciting things that are happening, but so far, that's not the case.

I am going to open myself up to the new ideas that I have in my mind. I would love to get things started in my own way and in my own time. These things would cut into my time in other places, ones that I do love to be, but I need my own thing as much as I need to be there.

I wanted to start a cross-Christian prayer forum. I am in a group on Yahoo for that, but I am not really happy with the way that group runs. It's alright, but cumbersome when you think about it. Although, thinking on this, it may not be a good idea. Maybe I can come up with something more interesting and fun. I feel this call to do more with my faith, and in sharing it. I am uncertain as to how to go about this.

In the next few weeks, I will be making hard decisions concerning a lot of places where I go. There are sites and forums that I am on that are not good for me as a whole. The are also places that derail my Christian self.

I want to be a faithful and devoted child of Father, but being in these places makes it hard for me to do that. It's also hard on me to leave these sites because I have made friends on them. Wonderful and sweet friends that will last for the rest of my life.

I am also instigating some changes in my real life.

First of all, I will implement a routine...one that allows me to get into habits that I need to. For example, a prayer routine, and eating breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Next is keeping in line with all of those changes....eliminating the negative, accentuating the positive, so to speak. I want to get rid of the negativity I am experiencing at work and in my daily walk in the world.

I am also thinking of starting a new blog here, or elsewhere for Prayer and devotional purposes....sounds interesting, eh? I think that if I can do this, and keep it updated on a daily/bi-weekly basis, I can continue on with my life and my world....maybe that is the direction Father is sending me.

Then, I need to work on my writing as a whole. I am still stalled on what I need to do with that at the moment, and have chosen to wait until I start writing something....although, I will work on that.

I like the idea of keeping busy online, but I need to have an organized idea on what I want to do with that, and keep to a plan...for keeps.

I just need some changes in my life and in my heart. I want to enrich my life with my walk, and to document my prayer and faith journey for the world to see. It is very important to me.

Another thing I will try to do is remind all that this coming month is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month....it should be a whole year affair, and we should all remind each other to get check ups and check ourselves. This is important to me because I refuse to allow one survivor to go through this in vain. They have fought hard to live, and I will honor that life, along with the millions of lives lost to the disease! I will honor their lives by reminding us all that we need to take care of ourselves and each other!!! I will try to display the pink ribbon on my blogs as often as I can...and I will wear my pink ribbon proudly all month long!! I encourage everyone to do so!!! It's very important to all of us!!

Writing.Com

2008-09-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

I have an idea in my mind to write again. I am sitting here listening to Loreena McKennitt, and I am inspired again. I want to find a good place online to showcase my work....so far, there's not much out there that I find that I can actually use....I am still working on it, though.

I have come up with one site that seems reasonable...but I will have to pay for an upgrade, and the things that would come in handy...like web page, extras and the like. http://www.writing.com/ I might go ahead and do the paid version because that would meant that I will HAVE to use the site, and I will actually write.

I am going to find other places for writing-forums and groups. Maybe I can find a great way to continue to be motivated. I am tired of having my nose in a book, when I can actually be writing a book that others love to stick their noses in...that would be amazing.

Well, I just added myself to Writing.com.... http://Writing.Com/authors/raven1746 I am excited about this, and hope to start writing very soon!! I am so happy that I was able to do this now.

I will start in the old fashioned way...pen and paper, then move on to add it in to the page. It's going to be so much fun! I cannot wait!!

General Things On Labor Day

2008-09-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

I have been working on my reading lists lately, putting dents into them so that I can move on to the next stages of my TBR lists. I think my eyes are crossing at times these days...lol

This weekend, I spent a lot of time transferring my things from my storage unit to a bigger one across the way....my sister was moving, and we had no room to store my table and chairs-my sister had been keeping them for me until I had a place to put it, and using it at the same time....with the move, she didn't have any room, and didn't want to transport it an hour's drive when I might need it in the future.

I never realized how much stuff I have accumulated over the years!! It's no wonder I groan at the thought of moving all of that stuff into my own home when the time comes!

I must have countless boxed of books that I have only read one or two times, and wires and cables to things I don't even know what they are for!! It's so funny! l

I found things that I was looking for, and things that I wanted to throw away, but felt it was in my best interest to keep until I could go through and figure out what it all was...either way, when it's time, I think I will have a hard time with moving unless I can find a way to get rid of a lot of that stuff.

I will end up taking the books to a local bookstore and selling them there, and some of the clothes will have to be thrown away along with some of the sheets and blankets that have been sitting in that unit for so long, they are moldy and gross...but some of the other clothing may be able to go to Goodwill or St. Vincent de Paul...that would be nice.

I found my RCIA stuff, and most of my Catholic literature that I wanted the other week, and I was happy to find them....but still so much else to get rid of!!

I also found all of my books on writing and on Scotland and my Scots dictionary!! I am soo happy to have found those things, because they come in handy when you are reading Outlander for fun words!!!

This is such a lazy and productive Labor Day weekend, and I am glad it's here.....that means my favorite month is here: September!! I love this time of year. Here comes the Fall, and that is what I am looking forward to the most! I love the changing of the leaves and the changing scents in the air! We have so many family members having birthdays this time of year, so it makes it very festive!!

Pencils, books, teachers, paper....all of this is a signal for Fall as well, and I am glad to see the children getting back to school....they can look forward to Christmas break and Spring breaks...but I look forward to the school supply sales!! Being a writer, all of those things are fun to me!

I have also been getting into snail mail, and letter writing. I love this way of communication, and I am looking forward to having that excuse to use my new stationary from Hallmark!! I love the Hallmark Store!! There are so many things in there, and I love using my card to gain points and coupons!! It's so much fun!

I am also working with a few ideas in my head concerning my writing. I am thinking about joining a forum for that specific purpose...to share my writing with others and see what kinds of input I can get...should prove to be fun!!

Changes Coming Again/A Pleasant Blast From The Past

2008-08-24T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am working on other areas of my life, it seems that I have been having a great deal of fun in other places, doing tons of other things.

This blog is going to do a drastic change over the course of the next few weeks....if you see posts missing, it's because a part of that change also includes those posts. I may even get rid of this blog along with the Wordpress and LiveJournal blogs because they are getting too hard for me to keep up and going...I may even move my LJ over here...it seems logical under the circumstances because I am not using it.

I am also changing things in a spiritual way. I am having a lot of trouble making myself believe things just to fit in to one group or another...it's hard to be this way. So, I will follow my heart, and I will go in search of what it is that I truly am.

Anyhoo...I had a blast from the past this week...an old high school classmate found me on my facebook, and it looks like we are hitting it off well. He is a divorcee, and I am sure that he isn't looking for much of anything except friendship, and that's fine with me. I am not on the prowl looking for a husband, just someone to be friend. He is very nice, and very much like myself...just being and taking one day at a time.

September is coming on fast, and I am soooo looking forward to this! I am tired of the heat, and I am tired of working in the department I currently am...I can't wait to get back to normal again, and get the heat of summer over with!!

~Karol Lynn

Natalie Looses, I Quit!!!

2008-08-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am at it again. I am rearranging my blog. I guess this is from boredom, or from my need to make things as pleasant as possible. Either way, it helps a lot.

I don't think I really needed to learn the lesson of faith last week, because I already have faith....well, you try becoming Catholic, and see how much faith it takes to get there!! It's a hard journey and one that isn't taken without a lot of mountains and rocky slopes along the way...lol

This week has been a bit of a hard one...first, one sister gets married, and then, the other sister packs up and is moving off to Illinois to go to school to get her Ph.D.

Life is rough when you are watching the world moving forward and you are sitting still.

Even another friend is doing what she set out to do...loose 20 lbs by the end of this month....so far, she is one pound away from having lost 10...and when she gets to that halfway mark, I promised to quit smoking, and she will hold me accountable for not smoking..

So, here I sit, knowing that sometime in this week, I will have to quit smoking, and looking up sites and phone numbers to help aid me in this endeavor.

I don't find this such a hardship, because I want to quit smoking, and soon. I am tired of feeling sick, and having yellow fingertips...I am also tired of the mess it makes of my teeth and skin. Besides, I think that the idea of breathing is a nice one at that.

I am thinking that it may be a wise idea to go to a doctor as well, and have him/her help me out. I have the insurance now, and I should go see one soon.

Now I will just have to wait for the email that said Natalie has lost 10 lbs., go to the Hallmark store and find her a great card, and put a picture of Johnny Depp on her webpage as a congratulations (I promised her I would do that for every two that she lost, as well as continuing to "momma" her through-asking if she exercised, if she's drinking water, is she eating healthy), and quit smoking! Then I will have to clean out my car!!

This is going to be lovely fun for me!! Oh well, I will just have to use my forums, and writing as a substitute for not smoking, and hope that I don't gain more than 5-10 pounds myself.

This will work out for me...I may want to get on a plane someday and fly to Scotland, and there's no smoking on those long flights...lol I can also use that money I save from not smoking to go....wouldn't that be fun?!

A Better Week

2008-08-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a week this has been! I have been walking in His way all week, not getting angry over the co-workers and their profanity. I have been chanting the word "compassion" like a litany. I have been having a great week.

It seems that when I let go of the worst, and remembered to pray, to go to Father, I recieved the greatest gifts. Patience was the biggest one...

I still plan to do something about the profanity, and if there's nothing to be done, then I will continue to do what I have been doing...putting in my earphones and listening to Christian radio.

I have been enjoying that a great deal everyday on my daily commute to work. The music has definately made an impact on my days....along with the prayers that I am sending out for my day and for my friends and family. It's such a joyful time in my heart to be doing this.

While I was working on the inside this week, I made a deeper commitment to taking care of the outside. I have been doing a daily beauty routine religiously since Monday, and there is a definate change in my skin for the better. This was something I decided to do after getting a haircut, manicure and eyebrow wax last Saturday-did I mention that both the manicurist and beautician are geniuses? Well, I finally felt beautiful because of them, and in doing so, decided to take that one step further and restart my beauty routine everyday. I am feeling good about myself.

Another bit of news: I have a computer at home so that I can get online more often, and that means that I can start writing again on a regular basis and crank out that novel I promised myself I would write, and it also means more blogging and forum posting...I know everyone is groaning over this...lol

I think that everything will be alright soon. I am determined to make sure that my Walk With Father produces many meaningful discoveries for myself, and others. This routine is a special one that requires sitting and reading the Bible (although, I am a bit behind this week because of all of the wedding things that I must do...), prayer, and just talking to Jesus.

I enjoyed my Mass last Sunday, and I am going again. I will listen to Him, and I am waiting to see what next week's motto will be...I find that this is a fun and inspiring way to get closer to Father.

Learning To Love Myself-How I Became The Person You Now Know.....

2008-08-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

You know, after reading what I wrote yesterday, I started thinking about things, and the way I used to be.

About twelve years ago, I couldn't look myself in the eye when I looked in the mirror without seeing someone I didn't like, and who was not a great person. I didn't hate myself, nor did I even like myself...and that was the worst feeling in the world to me. It explained why I never had a good day, why I never had any energy to do anything but mope around the house or watch television. It also explained why I never had any drive to be anything other than the slob that I had become.

Well one day, I finally looked at myself and took a very unflattering look at myself, and I knew in that day, it was time to change the outside AND the inside. I couldn't live with that person anymore. I knew it was time to change for the better.

I sat down, and wrote everything that I wanted to change about myself in my journal (I was a pen and paper kinda gal then, no blogging just yet). The list was surprisingly small, considering that there were a dozen little things that could be worked into one or the other of the places I wanted to fix.....

1) I wanted to work on the physical aspect of myself. I had yucky hair, my skin was blotchy, and sooner or later I would be dealing with wrinkles, I didn't want to continue to fight acne too...so, I found a solution. I went to different beauty counters in the mall, asking questions, getting answer until I came upon the beauty regiment that I did. started to use the products religiously....even found regiments for feet and nails. I enjoyed that personal "me time"...my daily routine at night and in the morning became essential to making the outer me feel more confident. Even my showering and hair washing had a regiment to it.

I had also gotten my teeth worked on, and I found a great eye doctor at the time. I did more than just brush and floss when it came to my teeth, I whitened, used plaque and tartar removers, I had become obsessed with my teeth at the time.

I actually started eating three meals a day, taking vitamins and drinking more water, milk and juices, which worked well to make it easier for the other parts of my personal changes:

2) I wanted to change my attitude. I hate the negative aspect of myself. So, everyday, I would find something beautiful about the day.

I started looking at people more closely, I thought that if I could find something good or nice about them-even a stranger-and complimented them on it, it would boost up my spirits, and give two people a good moment. This worked, and I continue on with this today...I can find things about everyone that I can compliment.

My attitude changed a lot because I started seeing the positive things in life. I stopped looking for the worst to happen, and found the good even in bad.

3) I hated the fact that I was not as educated as I should be. I spoke in ignorance and un-ladylike ways, and I knew that this wouldn't do. I wanted to be treated like I was a person of respect and dignity.

So, I started replacing profane words with silly ones, then I started reading the dictionary when I didn't have a better word. Sometimes, I would go through the dictionary and find new words just to have in my lexicon in the future...I didn't want to sound smarter or arrogant to others, I just wanted to be well informed and confident in my speech. If I was going to look more like I was smart, at least I should make myself even more so.

I started reading, and re-reading the classics. I would find new things to learn on the internet, and I would find non-romance authors to read along with my favorite genre. I wanted to have a variety in my life. I wanted to say that when I get bored, I usually go find something new to learn. I tried Gaelic, because I started reading Diana Gabaldon, and I found her to be a great inspiration for how I wanted to sound, and how I wanted to be portrayed to the world in general. I believe that I tried to emulate her for a long time....so I thank her and count her as one of my heroes it wasn't just her writing that inspired me, but herself in general that continued to inspire me to be a smarter and colorfully intelligent human being.

4) This one was the hardest, and by far the one that I am still working on, in a sense....I wanted to have a spiritual base in my life. I believed, and I loved Father, but I didn't know how to go about this one.

I once read a self help book that spoke of the 8 elemental keys that make you a person you want to be, and the author suggested reading The Gospels, The Psalms (yes, this isn't the first time I have read the entire Book), and the Book of Wisdom. By the time I finished I was not only in tears, but I was on a path that I needed to be on, and one that clearly confused me....where was I supposed to fit in, what House of God, or Family of God was I to belong in??

The answer to this is very simple and complicated, and is the most time consuming and frustrating of all, given the fact that I was going to use my intelligence level to get me through life from now on....in this book I read, the author says that in order to find your way in a church, you must visit different ones, go for about 6 months, get a feel for the congregation and the pastor, ask questions, and don't be afraid that you won't be accepted.

I did this, but as I went, I would question, and get no answers, or they weren't even worried about Sculptural accuracy. I would hear the mutilation of the Gospels, and when I would read them myself, the Bible version didn't matter, really, it was always used out of context....so, I would move on, and on, until I just gave that one to Father.

While I was doing this, I would continue to read His Word, ask questions of Him, and pray, and give thanks. At times, I would fall by the wayside, but I would continue on to the best of my ability.

I would take time in the morning at breakfast, or outside with my first cup of coffee and pray and read a book on whatever Christian aspect interested me that week....even books of meditation were a part of that great journey. I would read Scripture in the mornings as well. I was beginning to know the Word, but not fully understand it.

It took me until 2004 at the end of Lent and the week before the Easter Vigil to come to the Catholic Faith. It was there that I found His Family, and my Home with Father. That journey is one that I already promised you I would tell, but I will do that in a later post. I became a full Catholic on 24 March 2005 at the Easter Vigil, and it was the most marvelous thing I have ever done...I am complete in my Faith, but not complete in myself for the moment because I have fallen by the wayside.

The spiritual journey is the hardest of all of my self improvements. It is proving to be one of the most rewarding and educational adventures I am on. I find that Father wants me to know things because there is a purpose for me recent weeks.

So, now, as I have things on all sides battering down on me, I am thinking of that commitment that I made to myself....the one to love myself, I am going to renew this program....I let all of these things fall to the wayside, and now I feel myself slipping back into that hateful place. It's just a matter of creating a routine for myself....

And pray, lean on Christ, and tell myself this: I AM LOVING AND CAPABLE OF LOVING OTHERS!!!

It's not always easy, sometimes I see someone I don't like even now, but I strive to overcome this feeling in knowing that Christ thinks I am worth loving!

~Karol Lynn

Celtic Thunder, My Midweek Pick Me Up!!!

2008-07-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am in a Celtic Thunder Sorta mood:

Damian McGinty:

Keith Harkin sings his own song, "Lauren and I":

Paul Byrom (who has the voice that an Italian Opera would embrace):

And for my personal favorite, and the one I drool the most over...sighs....

Ryan Kelly:

That is one gorgeous Irishman!!

There is a Scotsman in the group, George Donaldson, who is the eldest of them, but I cannot find a video good enough to share George's talent, except maybe Caledonia or Ireland Calls, but I think I already put those up here somewhere...did I? I'll go check, and if I didn't, I will just have to show you the group singing together...has me drooling everytime!!

~Karol Lynn

Indepencence Day

2008-07-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Star Spangled Banner (all of the verses)

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming.

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming

.And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,

As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,

In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:'Tis the star-spangled banner!

Oh long may it waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country should leave us no more!

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation!

Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto: 'In God is our trust.'

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think of this as we celebrate our country's birthday...her battles, her craziness, and for all her faults, you can NEVER tell me that the United States Of America isn't the best place in the world!!

Also, today, I am giving thanks to God for the return of the Columbian hostages of six years! Three were American, and I am so happy that they have all come home, for it gives us hope for better solutions to terrorism and hate in the future!

Have a HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

~Karol Lynn

New Web Page....Disregard The Last Post

2008-06-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

To anyone who saw the post that I deleted, please diregard that as ramblings and just apprehension on my part....I am just trying to find my way out of my own messes, and things will be alright soon.

I did post up a web page that I started...and it is put into the side bar here so that you may get see what I have been up to....it's a work in progress, so just keep that in mind.

Everything is going well, except work...and maybe that is why I have had such problems with my faith....you see, my boss and his treatment of customers and fellow employees leaves me questioning his work ethic and his humanity....I am trying to work and keep myself balanced with my faith, and how I was raised....I need my job, and I need the benefits, so I keep my mouth shut, but it's hard to watch him lose customers the way he does, or even treats them the way he has.

Anyway, BY THE RAVEN'S PEN is the name of the new webpage, and it is going to be fun. I am thinking that I want to maintain it as a sweet friendly site for friends and anyone who wishes to have conversations about just about any and everything....from books to what's on Robin Hood tonight! LOL I am hoping that it will be a success.

I may add in a prayers page or something...just in case there is a need. I am also thinking of many other possibilities, but I need ideas and plans....lol

Oh...I just had a thougth for a page...MY FAVORITE THINGS...and yes, among them is yon Robin, dear Mountain Celt!!! LOL

Anyway, I am off to find food...I haven't eaten all day, and pasta salad sounds fun!!

http://raven1746.webs.com/

~Karol Lynn

Remembering With Love-25 June 1924

2008-06-25T16:21:00.001-07:00

I often have spoken of my late grandfather...a man that I loved so very much....a man who could love anyone without thought...

Today would have been Grandpa's birthday. He would have been 84 years old....June 25, 1924.

I am thinking of him today, not just because it would have been his birthday or that I am lamenting his death 21 years ago, but for other reasons.

You see, Grandpa could find many reasons to laught...even in his seven year battle against first, colon cancer then the spreading throughout his entire body.

In his day, Grandpa loved to dress in his suits and enjoyed his daily clean up...he loved being a clean cut gentleman. My great grandmother told me about my grandfather as a child that pretty much summed him up perfectly:

"When he was a young boy, he hated getting dirty....he would always have a handkerchief in one pocket and a comb in the other. When he played marbles in the day, he would put down a piece of paper under his hand because he didn't want to get dirty...did the same thing with his knees. He hated getting his clothes muddy and dirty."

My grandfather was half Cherokee. (I think because there is definately Cherokee blood coming from his mother and I think there was some from his father's side...either way, I am 1/8th Cherokee and the rest is a combination of Scots, Irish, English and German, and the unknown which was my father's mother), he had this awesome skin that would tan in the summer and his neck would actually turn red (he was born and raised in southern Kentucky...so that makes a bit of sense..lol), his smile was amazing...I think that my mind always associates handsomeness because of his smile-it reached his eyes and he always found a reason to be happy or to make someone else laugh for a while.

His mother was beautiful. No one believed me when I told them that she still had black in her gray hair in the end...nobody believed me when I told them that her hair was past her waist at the age of 78 years old...until they had to cut it when she died. She was 78 years old, three years younger than her beloved husband, and he was 78 when he passed on to the Summerlands...my grandpa died 6 months before she did, and in my heart I know that she was way to healthy to died when she did...she died of a broken heart, her husband had been gone 3 years, and she had her children at least-until she had to look into a coffin bearing her first born son-even though he was 62 when he died, he was still her baby...her little clean boy and the second love of her heart....

I am thinking of all the things my grandfather has done in his life, and his love for me....and his ability to control a "spoiled rotten little blue eyed brat"....

When I was little I was prone to temper tantrums. When that would happen, my grandfather turned on the old home movie camera and I would jump up, dry my tears and start preening and posing for the camera....funny!! He would also get me just as I was about to smack my brother in the head...sometimes it actually stopped my from hitting him, sometimes not (actually what stopped me was when Len learned to run, and my mother gave him permission to hit me back-and ONLY me-BACK)

Grandma told us how she loved Grandpa, but there were times throughout their lives together that she would wake up in the morning and not like him...even wish he weren't there, but then she would think about how lucky she was because he was the most handsome man in the town, and he had chosen her over all the other women in the town-and there were many that were prettier...and she felt lucky to have him. This was a rare compliment for my grandmother to give anyone, but it was true....even as he aged, Grandpa was a handsome man. She said that marriage wasn't always perfect, and it wasn't just illness that can cause issues in relationships, but many other things...that it's alright at times to not like your spouse, as long as when you go to bed at night, you remember how much you do love them. My grandparents married when she was 17 and he was 18...October 16, 1946, he would bring her red roses every year on their anniversary and never forgot....when he passed away, Mom tried to do that for her, but it wasn't the same. I sent her whlte roses instead of red ones, and she loved that, but it still made her a bit sad, so I stopped (and I was broke half the time anyway lol).

Alright, I am rambling today...it's just that I am remembering a great person who shaped my life and my world.

Am I like my grandfather? I couldn't say...we have the same nose, and the same skin pigmentation in the summer....I wish I had his dark hair (I probably do), and his awesome eyes. I know I have his smile, and his zest for life....I want the world to have a reason to smile, even when the world is spitting nails at you!!

I also have some news to share soon...and I don't think some of it will be surprising to many that know me...the other will be great fun...I think...oi!!!!!

~Karol Lynn

Defying Gravity/Wicked

2008-06-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows how much I love Broadway...and the Phantom of the Opera...but Wicked had it beat by a million miles.

I loved the fact that Elphaba-the Wicked Witch becomes a person moved along by circumstance and things beyond her own control, until she stands up for herself.

Glinda was a follower, but Elphaba was not going to continue to try to keep herself into a mold she could not fit herself into...she had to be herself...and that is how I see myself.

I thought that Glinda the Good Witch was a ditz, but she had a heart of gold. She never truly hated the Wicked Witch, they were friends and nothing could have ever change that....it is so sweet!

The other personage of this musical was The Wicked Witch's sister....there was a history and a reason behind her as well. Again, another person caught up in another's grand schemes and unreasonable circumstances....a poor woman hurt by the thoughts and feelings of others...in turn becoming wicked herself....

But the question remains: its there anyone out there who is TRULY wicked? Is there any one out there who is TRULY good? I think we already knew the answer to this, we are witches ourselves, and the truth is that the balance is always inside of us...and this is what I truly believe the message of Wicked was....

Mr. Gregory MacGuire may have twisted Mr. Frank L. Baum's fairy tale, but he gave us something that Mr. Baum didn't...the lesson that there are always reasons behind why things are as they are...there is a story behind everyone....and thanks to Mr. MacGuire who gave his book to become a musical....everyone who sees Wicked will walk away with a lesson in their heart and a great feeling....oh, and a new perspective on the Wicked Witch.

I feel for Elphaba...and I could connect with her right away. I loved her. I loved the fact that she finally took a stand against what she felt was wrong.....

In this video of my favorite song "Defying Gravity", Elphaba takes her stand, and refuses to back down. She wants Glinda to go with her, but Glinda has already made her choices, but their friendship and bond is not broken despite the opposite paths that they will take....

Here is The Royal Variety Performance of 2006 and the cast doing "Defying Gravity"...
AND MY FONDEST WISH IS THAT ALL OF YOU FIND A TIME IN LIFE TO "DEFY GRAVITY!!!!

http://wickedthemusical.com/
http://www.gregorymaguire.com/books/wicked.html

Working On This Site Again/Mists Of Avalon

2008-06-09T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have not been here in a while...I just had so many other places that needed my attention, and I really needed to take care of this place. It looked so bare sitting here alone.

I have been having some issues with self lately, but they are being resolved as I realize the truths that I cannot hide from myself. I will probably explain this at a later date.

However, finances being what they are...July 1 is the target date for getting my own place. I have been saving like crazy whenever I can these days...and it looks really good for me.

I have decided to give Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley another try, and I am finding it a very enjoyable read.

I am thinking of starting my own forum in the next few months, for Marion. I realize that the lady in question passed on some years ago, but she has many titles and a co-author that may provide some great conversation concerning the novels...I want to start some sort of reading group to encompass a few authors of the same style of writing and genre-fantasy/Camelot/history/novel...it might be fun. I wouldn't be able to begin this until I have moved into my own place and able to keep an eye on it all of the time, but the ideas are piling up in my head.

This is a very hot day...I don't think that I have not experienced a moment of non-sweatiness all day...all week!! I would keep complaining about it, but why bother...it only makes the situations worse...lol

I will also begin to write again. I am reminded of the things that Diana Gabaldon has written about writing and being a writer, and I realized that it's not enough to want it, but to do it.

So, computer or not, I have been working on my writing. I am putting pen to paper in the old style, and it is so much fun! Eventually I may find a really great site to showcase my work, but I want to take this one step at a time....

Tonight, I plan to sit back, have a cup of coffee, and continue to read-I am torn between my newest love of Mists of Avalon, or Rosalind Miles' Guenevere trilogy...lately, I have been enamoured of Avalon and Fair Camelot!! Either way, they are great authors and I will enjoy my evening after a much needed shower and supper!!

~Karol Lynn

Manic Monday...It's Always Something

2008-05-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

Monday was a hectic and frustratingly good day...this is what I was going to tell you about yesterday before the computer that I was working on decided to eat my blog as I finished it...lol
Monday morning, I got up to go to work...I wasn't feeling too well, and thought that if I got physically ill, or I didn't get rid of the upset stomach by 10:30 a.m. I was going home....
My wonderful, beautiful, amazingly awesome (I'm being fecitious here) car had a flat tire...I must have gotten it on the way in to work, because I don't remember having one when I left.
My first thought was that I wouldn't be able to go home right away...damnit!!
I ended up calling my insurance company's "free roadside assistance"...my friends, the call for this service is free, what they failed to mention in those lovely ads is that the "assistance" itself isn't...great!!!

I'll start off by saying that the guy sent to fix my flat tire got lost...and he admitted to living off the major road where I was at...nice....fun, lovely!! I had to talk the guy into the complex.
The guy gets out of his van, one leg at a time wearing flip flops, and I am thinking "great, they've sent a real Boob to do this for me"...I was wrong....the rest of Mr. Roadside Assistance, Knight In Shining Armor gets out....

Ladies, I think my heart skipped several thousand beats!!! This guy was HOT HOT HOT!!!! We are talking 6' of dark hair, huge chocolate brown eyes and a smile that made the sun want to cry!!! OMGDS I was lost!!!

He was very nice, and his name is Michael (a name I can not escape in this lifetime for some reason), and he comes inside about 10 minutes later with bad news.....my SPARE TIRE IS FLAT!! Ok, friends, I had just gone through this with that old car not long before I let it go to it's grave!!! Can you say and embarrassing AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Anyway, Michael offers to take the tire to see if it will hold air, and I am thinking that there would be no point, I may as well go ahead an buy a new tire-get it over with. I tell him no, that I would call my Dad (my true Knight in Shining Armor) to see if he could help.
When I asked Michael how much it would cost, he said he normally charged $45 for the service, but since he couldn't do more than put on and take off a dead spare tire, that I should only pay him what I thought was fair...and it would be an "under the table" job for him....
Sucker that I am, I looked into his huge chocolate brown eyes, and he smiled, and I paid the full amount....couldn't help myself. When I did, he blessed me and smiled even bigger...and my brain because fuzz!!!

My dear friends, fellow healthy, normal, red blooded ladies...the man started flirting with me, and I MISSED IT!! I am a shame and a disgrace to my kind...poor Lunawolfseeker bowed her head in shame as she heard that!!! I cannot believe that I totally missed it when he was asking me if the town on the check I was writing to him was my actual home...he was trying to engage me in conversation, and my fuzz brain totally lost it...I blame the man's smile and those eyes!!!!

Well, he left, and I called my dad who was not having a great day with the men who were installing his new furnace (they were supposed to be gone by 4:30 p.m. and were still there around 7:45 p.m.(, so I had to wait for my step mom to get home from work before Dad could come out. He said he would call me later in the afternoon and let me know he was on his way.
Well, around 4:14 p.m., I get a call on my cell phone that I don't recognize...and I have my Dad's number in my address book and in my circle network so his calls come through identified...but I answer the phone...it's Michael...he's on his way over to me and on his way home because he "accidentally drove off with my car keys...he is soooooo sorrrrrryyy!"

I just laughed and said that I hadn't been out to the car yet, and thought that he'd left my keys in the car...to which he told me he would NEVER do that, especially to a woman....
Michael gets there to give me my keys, and I thought that would be a perfect time to rectify my earlier mistake...maybe flex my flirting muscles. My friends, it wasn't meant to be...my boss came in two seconds before Michael, and I couldn't flirt....*sobs*

Anyway, to end this crazy story, I got off work and waited for my dad for about an hour and 45 minutes, and it turns out he couldn't change the tire on Monday night because it wouldn't be ready until the morning...so Dad had to drive me home from work, drive me in the next morning, go pick up that waaaaayyyyy to expensive tire for my car, and put it on my car...I didn't get home until around 7:45 p.m. and didn't get to go to the library to check out my other treasure (the one I will be telling you about soon)...and ran down my cell phone battery checking my favorite sites- WritersCafe.org, Jonas Armstrong Fansite.net...especially that one..lol
You know what? All day Monday, as I was feeling sick, and the flat tire, the missed flirting opportunity...I kept thinking of something.

You may not know this, but Gilda Radner is one of my heroes....she married Gene Wilder (the original Willy Wonka). She was a comedian, and a cast member of Saturday Night Live in the 1970's with some of the original cast...she fought cervical cancer for many years before passing on from the disease.

Gilda played a goofy role...a character named Roseanne Roseanne Adanna who always had a commentary on the news section of SNL...she would always go nuts and say crazy things because she got one word wrong in the news story itself...when someone would finally correct her, she would look at the camera and say "Never mind!" with a silly smile on her face.
However, this isn't what I was thinking about all day long as I was going through my crazy Monday...to which I am now certain that Mondays, vehicles and myself are doomed whenever we meet...it was another catch phrase of Roseanne's.

You see, Gilda had a very loving, funny and sweet Jewish father that she writes about in her book (she passed away weeks after it's release) and she took Roseanne's other catch phrase from him...a phrase she used in her life, even when she was at her worst...and wanting to be funny in the face of her disease...

I know that my situation is not as bad as hers was...or my other friend's are at the moment, but in my mind it was bad...but this phrase got me through Monday...as it has gotten me through other bad times.

You see, no matter what we do, where we go....
"IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!!"

MEL To Graduate Saturday...Magna Cum Laude

2008-05-06T16:28:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, 10 May, 2008 my youngest sister, Mary Elizabeth will be graduating from Kent State University.....MAGNA CUM LAUDE!!!!!!! WOOHOOO!!! There's more, and I will share that with you soon as well...but let's just say, my little sister "done good!"

I miss my "little sister" being little, but my sister is amazing!!

~Karol Lynn

Rosalind Miles, Reading

2008-05-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have found a new author....Rosalind Miles.

Her novels are set in the times of Camelot and with women in particular....

The difference between her work and Marion Zimmer Bradley, however is that while novels center around women, she does not insult any religion-Christianity and Guinevere come quickly to mind here.

The novel I am currently reading is a trilogy (everyone knows that I am the great lover of trilogies, lol) about Guinevere...Guinevere, QUEEN OF THE SUMMER COUNTRY.

I am enjoying the richness of the novel, and I cannot wait to read the rest of the series. I will add a blog about the novel and my reviews on it soon...(that just gave me a brilliant idea!!!)

I have joined a new site for reading, hoping to gain something new in my world of reading: Library Thing. I will add it to my side links in a while....but this place proves to be a nice place to find others like myself who love reading!!

~Karol Lynn

Robin Hood

2008-04-30T15:25:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I was able to borrow all of BBC's Robin Hood, season 1 from the library...now I see what so many people are going on about.

This show has a nice message to it. I enjoy the timeless and modern way that Robin Hood is portrayed.

I was equally thrilled by the villians in this series. They are evil and bad, but the men who play the characters do a brilliant job of it, you can't help but love them in their own way.

In a way, I do like Sir Guy of Gisborne...you can see the brilliant way the actor portrays a man who is both bad and in a way wanting to be good for one woman...Marion....who doesn't love him. You can see his struggles in trying to make her love him...the man who plays the part is good.

Then there is hotty Jonas Armstrong playing Robin....I love this guy!! He is so cute! His smile is charming and mischievious at the same time...and his eyes are beautiful! I like the way that Jonas plays the role....charming, selfless, and goodness....

The entire first season was a blast, and I watched the first episode of season 2 this weekend, and I am looking forward to the rest of the season...even though I have heard some very interesting news concerning the end of this season, I will watch anyway. In the UK, they are on the third season, so it will be fun finding out how things go.

I am going to buy the first season of Robin Hood in the next few weeks, as soon as I can come up with the money...I have a feeling that it will be money well spent, and I will watch the series over and over...I love a great love story set in the 12th century...lol

I am looking forward to sharing this with others!!!

I wanted to cry when Robin confessed his feelings for Marion in the last two episodes...and smack him...ah well, that is why it was so fun...the romantic tension (notice-no sexual tension, but romantic?)

~Karol Lynn

The Okinawan Program/Robin Hood

2008-04-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

I once read this book on Okinawan Centurians and their diet. It amazed me that these people would live longer simply because they had a diet and exercise program that was natural to their way of life....amazing because when I read the book, I was reading it to find a more healthy way of eating and not to lose or gain weight.

This diet was interesting because there was a lot of things that we can replace in our diets...for example, eating long grains instead of white, and black tea with coffee (I never got the hang of that one, but I do love Oolong tea, so I was able to switch it out once in a while).

I need to go find my book again on the subject, and maybe find the second one that actually has more eating plans in the book. http://www.okinawaprogram.com/

There are three books in this plan, and I just now found the other two online...didn't know about those last books, so I am planning to go get them and read them.

THE OKINAWAN PROGRAM

Excert from the website:

There is nothing more universal than the desire to slow down the aging process, to live a long, full life with health, energy, and independence. The Okinawa Program presents the first evidence-based program, based on a real population, to show you the way.
Written in a friendly, accessible way by the lead scientists of the 25 year Okinawa Centenarian Study, this breakthrough book documents the diet, exercise, and lifestyle practices of the world's healthiest, longest-lived people and reveals how readers can apply these practices to their own lives
Introduces a delicious diet that emphasizes low-Glycemic Index carbohydrates, healthy fats and proteins, resulting in a calorie-lite diet that staves off hunger and maximizes fat loss over weight loss (provides two different eating plans for 4 weeks with more than 80 outstanding recipes)
Teaches you how to: get fit using tai chi, reduce stress using meditation, and bring new meaning into your life by develop your inner spirituality by doing volunteer work, and building a solid network of friends and family

THE OKINAWAN DIET PLAN
Excert from the website:

Written for those wishing to lose unwanted body fat and keep it off--based on the most recent study findings that Okinawans eating a more traditional diet did not gain weight with age
Written in a friendly, accessible way by the lead scientists of the 25 year Okinawa Centenarian Study, this breakthrough book provides timely dietary advice on what many view as the world's healthiest diet--and reveals how readers can apply these dietary practices to their own lives using foods that they enjoy
Neither low carb nor low fat, The Okinawa Diet Plan introduces a delicious diet that emphasizes the right carbs-- low-Glycemic Index good carbohydrates and healthy fats and proteins, resulting in a calorie-lite diet that cuts hunger and maximizes fat loss rather than the water loss seen in many low carb diets
Provides three different eating plans, including Eastern/Okinawan, East-West fusion and Western to appeal to all tastes, including options for vegetarians--with more than 150 outstanding recipes and tools to keep you lean for life

THE OKINAWAN WAY
Excerpt from the website:

There is nothing more universal than the desire to slow down the aging process, to live a long, full life with health, energy, and independence. The Okinawa Way presents the first evidence-based program, based on a real population, to show you the way.
Written in a friendly, accessible way by the lead scientists of the 25 year Okinawa Centenarian Study, this breakthrough book documents the diet, exercise, and lifestyle practices of the world's healthiest, longest-lived people and reveals how readers can apply these practices to their own lives
Introduces a delicious diet that emphasizes low-Glycemic Index carbohydrates, healthy fats and proteins, resulting in a calorie-lite diet that staves off hunger and maximizes fat loss over weight loss (provides two different eating plans for 4 weeks with more than 80 outstanding recipes)
Teaches you how to: get fit using tai chi, reduce stress using meditation, and bring new meaning into your life by develop your inner spirituality by doing volunteer work, and building a solid network of friends and family.

This is a site that shows the Study itself, and how these Okinawan Centurions lived....pay close attention to the charts and where America is on it...it's NOT pretty: http://www.okicent.org/

There are more studies in the books, and in The Okinawan Program there are several types of exercise that they do that helps to give them longevity and healthy lifestyles...it's not just about walking or cardio exercises either...but Yoga, Martial Arts, and Tai' Chi...gardening and meditation as well....we use meditation as Christians to find what we seek from Father, so that won't be a stretch, right? LOL

The books were written by Bradley J. Willcox, D. Craig Willcox, and Makoto Suzuki...all doctors and researchers, and the research took over 25 years to perform. This plan was a long time in the making, and not done lightly. The authors are intelligent, well informed and easy to read...a lovely plan if you can get into it....

What is even more interesting about this diet is that the authors encourage you to have some Oriental style things in your home to cook on or with...to use for teas and things...just to keep you into the program...it's nice.

Well, tonight is the night we are all waiting for...the return of BBC's Robin Hood...lol

I will miss the original airings of the first 4 episodes because my family will be replaying the NASCAR race for my stepfather...but I have DVR-ed them, and I will watch them before bedtime...I am looking forward to this!! Even the wait will be worth it in the end.

I didn't get to see all of the episodes of the first season, but I will try to get to them as soon as I can...they aren't on BBC America's On-Demand station, so no luck there...so I will just have to find them online and purchase them when I have some money...lol

I love those old tales, Robin Hood, and the stories of heroes and things...such fun!!!

Everyone, enjoy Robin, and Jonas!!!

~Karol Lynn

Also: If you can, please say prayers for the Maupin Family...they are burying their son this weekend (it will be televised), he was the MIA/POW and his family really needs your love!! Thank you!

Bret Michaels' Rock Of Love

2008-04-23T15:18:00.000-07:00

I have to say I am not really into reality shows...it gets annoying watching these people talk themselves to death about this and that...they why's and what happens...yada yada yada...
However, I have to say one thing, I got hooked on both seasons of Rock Of Love with Bret Michaels (of Poison)...I don't know why it was fascinating watching one of my favorite rockers searching out a date a' la The Bachelor, but was.

What gets me was the fact that at 40+ years of age, this man is still hot as July and built like nobody's business, and he has to publically go out and get himself a woman in such a way...
Watching the show cracked me up...20 women between the ages of 22 and 32 (actually, one lied and was 38, but she got her man...lol) all fighting in these competitions to go on dates with Bret...to me it was hilarious to watch them all playing football in the mud and simulated rain and snow in short-shorts and wet t-shirts showing off all of their real and fake assets....I'm thinking that Mr. Michaels was playing out fantasies here, and this wasn't simply for the women to get to know him and his likes and dislikes....you go boy!!

Most of these women were quite interesting and you could tell what they were there for....money and the "rocker lifestyle" that Bret goes through on the road...oh well, Brett gets cilicone, collegin, and little rocker wannabes, and they get the opportunity to put themselves out there.
This whole entire show is funny, every one of these women kept using phrases that had me rolling on the floor in laughter: "I'm here for Bret," "I got one-on-one time with Bret," "I need him, I love him...totally." Makes you wanna vomit or look at your other and start laughing your a$$ off, right?

There was enough tears (mostly fake, mind you) because they were eliminated or there was so much "drama" (another word you get sick of hearing, but it's every where)....the only thing we don't get on this show, which disappointed my brother, was the catfights-the kicking, hair pulling...ah well....at least you got enough yelling in the show to make you crack up!!

Well, in the first season, the girl he picked decided at the reunion show that she and Bret weren't compatible...she was the one I wanted him with to begin with, but in the end, he gave her too much time alone to think....go figure-give a woman time to think, and you are history...lmao.

The second season, he made the right choice, a sweet woman about my age without the implants and injections...gives a gal hope, eh? This woman was very intelligent, driven and ready for a real relationship...I kind of hope it works, but she is a television host of some sort...who knows...but it is still funny. The girl she beat out was mainly fake, and so ingnorant, it was sad to watch her leave the show, crying for the thousandth time that season...my brother called her Frankenstien...covered in tattoos and extensions...weird girl....lots of baggage. Oh well.

It's still funny to me to think that Bret Michaels would put himself out there like that, not once, but twice...it must have been hard for him to choose who he had to eliminated, but you have to give him credit...at the end of the second season when he let go of Frankenstein, he was actually shaking over the whole thing...must have been harder than he thought it would be...

So, I am sitting here wondering why Bret Michaels would put himself out like that....he is a smart man, has money, creative, fun loving, a father of two girls...why would he put himself out there just to find love sans groupies and super fans? Some would say it's ratings, but his new album doesn't come out until June, and I have heard some of the songs on the album so far, and it's awesome...I don't think it's for Poison either, they are still out touring and having great turnouts to their shows...

So, now here I sit thinking that if I were ever to meet Bret Michaels, that is the one question I would definately ask the man...another of life's interesting little things to add to my collection of interesting things I want to know.

Earth Day

2008-04-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

Today is Earth Day...it is one of my favorite days.

I discovered and explored a new park this afternoon after work...it was beautiful! There were so many trails, sites and trees everywhere.

This park had the most wonderful areas for children to play, and the picnic areas were awesome. There was even a doggy run area...so cool!

This park even has a volleyball court, baseball fields, soccer fields, and a pond. It's nice.

I must have walked every trail in this park, and it's over 2-3 miles to do so. I will be sore tomorrow...lol I just couldn't help myself, I was having such a nice time on those trails....

Sunday I got my hair cut for the first time in over a year. I have been living with 3-4 inches of blonde hair, under brown roots...well, I am having a blast looking at the past these days...I have had that 3-4 inches cut off, and I have discovered that I do have light brown hair...I haven't seen it in years, but it is a hoot just to look at myself in the mirror! I love the cut and style...and inverted bob for those of us with fine hair to fake a bit of bounce and body...lol

The new job and the new car are going well, even though I am still expecting the car to break down at any moment-old habits die hard...lol I am so used to my used cars being junkers, that I am half expecting this one to be to...but it isn't...just needs to get a check up at the mechanics' shop soon...

I enjoyed Pope Benedict's visit. I am glad that he was able to be in America, and I hope he enjoyed his visit. I will have to go back and find my sites to see everything that he did and said because I got a bit busy on his last days here, and couldn't get online or watch television to see what was up-we were busy moving my brother BACK into the house and me BACK into the living room....uggghhh!!!!

Oh, well, soon this will all be over, and I will be in my own place in the next few months, if certain things and certain people let me do what I need to do.

For today, I am going to bask in the glow of the most beautiful day that we have found for Earth Day, and reflect on all of the wonderful sights that I discovered today in that park....

My family has gone green, mostly for the money, mind you, but it's a selfish act that is selfless at the same time, and I am glad. I will continue on with this when I get my own place....even buy one of those water purifying pitchers and some sports bottles to save on the plastic bottles...my mom did that, and it's the best water ever! We save cans and papers, cardboard...whatever is recycleable...it's a good thing.

I love the earth, and I love it's inhabitants, and I wish everyone a Happy Earth Day!!!

~Karol Lynn

Jane Austen

2008-04-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like an idiot!! It has been years since I read PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by Jane Austen...so I forgot the friggin' ending!!

I watched the movie the other night, and got it mixed up with EMMA...can you say "faux pas!!" and "shame on you!!"

This was the 2005 version with Kiera Knightly as Elizabeth...I enjoyed it a lot. Kiera plays the role so well, and it seems silly every time the call her a "comely girl" in the movie when Kiera is beautiful!

My only problem, was that I was almost yelling at Mr. Darcy to kiss the girl!! I fell in love with the story all over again.

I guess I will have to go out and find the other version from 1995...it's been a while since I have seen that version, and my friend, Nej recommends it highly!

However, for the moment, I am going back and re-reading PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, and I think I will re-read EMMA for good measure....lol I may even borrow the 1996 version with Gweneth Paltrow...I loved that one. I wonder how many other versions there are, hmmm....there's something for the researcher in me.

Maybe I will just go on a Jane Austen kick and re-read SENSE AND SENSIBILITY, and watch the movie...although, I do believe I missed the mini-series that came out last March, I am sure that I will be able to borrow it later on. I did enjoy the 1995 version a lot.

My, my, Raven is on one of "those" kicks again...where she insists on reading dusty old novels and listening to the classical radio station on the way to work, while writing her own stories inspired by the distant past....lol

The new car is running well, but I am driving it as if I am expecting it to break down any minute. I am sure I will get over that sometime in the near future...when I realize that I wasn't really sold a p.o.s. car....

New Cars....Lovely!!!

2008-04-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been quite a week. I haven't even been able to get online anywhere except to check Facebook.

My car broke down on Tuesday...two days before I my paycheck came in, and I am already broke...it couldn't wait until I got the elation of a first full paycheck into my system before dying...nope, not any of Karol's vehicles, not in this lifetime...lol

By Friday, I found out that my car would never run again unless it had a new or rebuild engine put into it. The repair shop was very kind, and didn't charge me for the work they thought it was originally....except an oil change. The mechanic also told me that it wouldn't be worth my time or money to do that kind of repair on the car because the car wasn't even worth it...I could have saved the money for a down payment on another car....that it is best for me to just use it for a down payment on a newer one.

Well, with the car, my paycheck and my father to help me out...I have myself a white 4 door 1998 Ford Taurus...and $175 a month payments and I only paid out $250 with the trade...the down payment was $500. It runs well, and the few things that are wrong with the car will be taken care of by the dealer, and if anything else happens over the next 60 days, we both go in half and half on the cost.

They were very honest with me, and they treated me like I am a person...and an intelligent one at that...they really wanted my business.

This place will also help me rebuild my credit, rather than being a buy here/pay here kind of place, they are actually sending my money through and to a bank, and that helps re-establish my credit...can you say "works for both parties involved"? LOL

I am just glad that I now have a very decent car, and I can begin the next stages of my life without much worry....I am looking forward to the future.

I have to say that the people I work with are awesome. The guys all looked at my ailing car and told me what they thought...even said that if they could, they would fix it for me. Then they offered to go with me to the repair shop to make sure that I wouldn't get ripped off by the mechanics...even my manager followed me up to the repair shop then drove me back to work...when the car was ready to pick up, she came back to work to take me over to the shop to pick up my car....and the owner has been so kind to me, letting the vehicle sit in the lot at work until the tow truck can take it away, and even giving me suggestions on car dealerships that he deals with that would give me a discount if my credit was good....all in all, I think I like this place, and I believe that I don't want to leave now....just because all of these people have treated me so well. It has become about more than the benefits for me now, and more about working with great people!!

Now, I think I will spend the rest of the weekend gloating over my temporary good luck....

No, I will spend my weekend reading Voyager and going to Mass...I am so grateful to Him for all of the things I have been shown this week....and for the wonderful friends I have found across the world!!

I forgot to mention that I am also now on a new site called WritingCafe.org...it can be linked from my Forums and Fun section here. I just started it, and I am hoping that I can find a great outlet there as well as feedback for my poetry and sometime soon, my writing...DG has once again inspired me...lol

It's been quite a week, but I learned a lot....

Happy reading my friends!!!

~Karol Lynn

Diana Gabaldon/My Jamie

2008-04-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend reading VOYAGER by Diana Gabaldon...again...lol

I love reading outdoors, and reading Diana's work is always a pleasure because she makes it so easy to feel like you are right in there.

But to read her work while outdoors in the warm sun with the smells and sounds of birds around you, it feels even more like you have escaped into Claire and Jamie's world.

I always cry when I read Voyager because there are so many sad things that happen after Culloden...so much we only hear about in history books, and Ms. Gabaldon brings it all to breathing life. The novel is sometimes hard to swallow, but I still love it.

I always cry when reading VOYAGER when Claire and Jamie re-unite, but I also laugh because of his reaction and the ale pot incident...gets me every time. I laugh over the little Chinaman with the fetish for feet, and over Jamie and Young Ian's interactions.

This was when I first fell for Young Ian and his inquisitive ways. I love to read the conversations between him and Uncle Jamie....fun!

I also borrowed the unabridged versions of OUTLANDER and DRAGONFLY IN AMBER by Diana Gabaldon from the library this weekend. I listened to OUTLANDER as I walked through the park, and while I crocheted....which I love to do in the early evenings during the weekend. I felt like I was part of the story.

I love hearing Davina Porter's rendition of all the different characters, and I am so glad that Herself was able to get the audio-books published in their unabridged versions. I loved the abridged version, but you miss out on a whole lot of amazing things when they edit the whole thing...Herself explains something about how this came about on her blog: http://voyagesoftheartemis.blogspot.com/ It's so awesome.

I just love Diana Gabaldon, and since I am anxiously "Awaiting Diana" with quite a few others, this re-read of Voyager raises a lot of questions that I would love to ask other "Outlandish Companions", and I will in a little while...there was so much I had forgotten...lol

That reminds me...some people have thought of their version of Jamie. While, I don't usually play along, I have my visions of Jamie firmly in my head...there is one man who comes close to looking remotely like Jamie to me:

He played Faramir in LORD OF THE RINGS, David Wenham...he is sooo cute!!!

http://www.wenham-wonderland.net/

http://www.david-wenham.com/

Quiet Chatter Today...lol

2008-04-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Everything seems to be going well at the new job...I keep getting compliments on how well I am doing. It's weird to hear these words when I haven't heard them from bosses in a very long time.

The drive to and from work is longer, and I miss going in the mornings with the moon looking down on me, but this is nice too....I get to see the early morning sunshine through the clouds when it isn't raining here...and traffic isn't so bad that I want to tell people how to drive...lol
What is also nice is that I can stop at this quiet little coffee shop/cafe that is on the way to work...I had only been one time until now with a friend, but now I can stop by there any old time I wish to on the way home.

I gave my mother a target date Sunday on when I was planning to get my own place...June at the latest. She was happy about that (as am I-I'm too old to be living with my mother, unless she was too sick to live alone, then I would), and also had a surprise for me...she lowered my rent because my brother couldn't afford to pay the rent we were paying...so I have $60 more in my pocket than before...

I have a new thing to fixate on now that the new job is going well....my own place...you may hear me talk about it a bit, but I want to get away as soon as I can. I am not a person who can deal with being around people all the time...it's irritating sometimes when you are trying to do stuff and they keep calling your name or trying to talk to you when you are focussed elsewhere...ah well, what can I do for now, except think about the goals I have set for myself...and patiently wait for blessed silence and peace.

The springtime seems to be coming on now....the rains are here, and they smell crisp and clean. It's calming. The flowers are peeking out of the ground, and it's pretty....it makes me want to go outside and plant some more already, but my mom wants to wait for a little while....allergies...lol

~Karol Lynn

I'm Coming Home Today (For Matt Maupin)

2008-03-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

I don't normally put poetry here, but I have to today out of honor and respect.....

Momma, I am coming home today,

I a weary, my soul is lost...

Dad, I am coming home today,

I fought as I could, and I am weary...

Brother, I am coming home today,

Don't run behind me, your life is priceles...

Sister, I am coming home today,

Now I can protect you in person...

My friends, I am coming home today,

Do not weep, my heart knows your love...

My God, I am coming home today,

I did what I could, I lived as I would...

My country, I am coming home today,

I gave what I could, I did what I had to do...

Matthew, you are coming home today,

Your fight is over, come lay your spirit...

Matthew, you are coming home today,

The ticker tape parade is ready....

Matthew, you are coming home today,

We love you...we thank you!!!

~Raven

31 March, 2006

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This took a lot out of me to write. By now everyone has heard about our MIA/POW Staff Sgt. Keith Matthew Maupin's remains being found and identified on Sunday....11 days before the anniversary of his disappearance 9 April 2004 right before Easter Sunday....

Carolyn Maupin is a good friend to my stepmother. This is over for them, their closure is now...however, I ask all of you to send your energies of love to the family...

I have had several opportunities to talk to Carolyn, and the hope in her heart never stopped her from trying, reaching out...today she and Keith (Matt's father) marched in the Cincinnati Red's Opening Day Parade-Matt and Joe Nuxhall (a Cincinnati legend) were honored at this game....this is what Matt would have wanted his family to do...stay strong, live in honor of him.

I know we all have opinions about this war, and about what should be done...I don't care, and I don't wish for arguements...I just ask that you take one second of your time tonight and raise a glass in honor to Matt and the 4000 (now 4001) soldiers dead (American side-unsure of the Canadian and British yet)....ask that they be brought home safely....

LOVE NEVER LOOSES IT'S WAY HOME....IN MATT'S CASE, THAT LOVE WAS A LIGHT AND A BEACON ON HIS JOURNEY!

http://www.yellowribbonsupportcenter.com/

Celtic Thunder Revisited

2008-03-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

Heartland

http://www.celticthunder.ie/

http://www.myspace.com/celticthundershow

There we go....my favorite five man Celtic sing group!!!

Thought I would just give myself a mid-week pick me up...lol

Everything is going great at the new job. I just need to get used to it, and everyone seems to be happy with my performance, and I will have to press shirts for a little while longer-til Friday...no big deal.

~Karol Lynn

Chat Box

2008-03-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have a chat box here...hopefully it works...not sure what I will do with it, but stop and say hello-let's see if this thing works...lol

I am having a bit of a leftover emotional day so I am not very talkative for the moment. I just need to get my head straight for a moment. I will post more details about the new job soon.

Love
~Karol Lynn

Emotional Day

2008-03-24T14:27:00.000-07:00

The new job is going to be a great one....medical, dental, vacation....and now an opportunity (within less than 15 hours of working for them-pressing and training last week, walking in this morning) to make more money helping do the manager's job-dc laundry and my job of assembling (which starts on Thursday when the new presser starts)....I would say that this will be a great job, even if I don't fit in with the people I work for and I can't exactly get a feel for the owner just yet....I think things will be fine.

I have also been following a fellow poet since he's come out of incarceration....things have been very hard for him-1 year in prison and 3 months of rehab, and on top of it, his "Crazy Beautiful" isn't with him....for some reason this unfolding story is tearing at my soul for some reason. http://dosepoet.com/index.php dosePoet.com. Ignore the recent post...dose is a little high with being out and about again, but the rest is worth reading!! Especially his beautiful, raw and heart wrenching poetry for his Meghan....I don't know why, but these two pull at me, and I want them to be together so much...I feel it inside. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's what I feel. I am also compelled to write again because of his work, but I am refraining until I can get a moment to myself to get away from the influence...lol

Today is also Grandma's birthday-she is 83, she was born on March 24, 1925...my late grandfather was born on June 25, 1924....just switch the 24 and 25 around, and remember Spring and summer to remember the months...I wonder if Grandma's happy about her birthday...lol We celebrated it on Saturday because today's a work day, and yesterday would have been too hard to get everyone together, even for Easter dinner-"Peace" was with his father all weekend, and the "New Brother" was picking up a friend at the airport, and my younger brother and I had to spend Easter at Dad's house loosing track of basketball games and watching Shrek 3 lol

Today is another half emotional day for me as well....even though I am over it, in many ways-someone still is stuck within my soul...yes, I thought I would not have her here, but she is. Today was the day Chameron died....yes, I am over it, but she's still here, I feel it...I couldn't go to her grave today, I had too much within my soul to even try, and it is rather cold outside for me to want to sit out and kiss cold stone as I always do as I leave the rose on her grave (I know many will think I am morbid when it comes to Chameron and death, but it's something that is done-from me to her, a promise of life). It's alright, I am using a special friend's birthday (Nat) to make myself stay up beat, and tonight I will toast the old friend and the new friend in celebration of life, much like I did on my own birthday...

I also had an old friend from Montreal contact me today....he had disappeared for a long time, and has now returned...I don't know what to think or make of this particular event after everything else, but I will say that I almost started crying when I read his message. I didn't mention it anywhere else because I was afraid to share that with others there, but here, I trust my friends...and the Canadian Dragon is a good friend, even if my feelings didn't match or mirror his....maybe he has grown in the past 4 months since he went missing.

All I know right now is that I just want to get the fuzzies out of my head at the moment and do what I have to, I want to get into my own place and soon, and I need to find a place of peace today so that I can clear my silly head!!!

~Karol Lynn

Day One/Failure To Commit

2008-03-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you to all of my supporters, but I have already failed in my commitment to quit smoking....I bought a pack on Saturday afternoon when I had less than half a pack left to begin with, and continued to smoke on Sunday....

I have examined the reasons for this: first of all, I didn't get myself into the frame of mind to BE a non-smoker, and while I wanted to, I didn't make myself ready for it....no pep talks, no replacement routines...and while I had the research and ideas, I didn't make the commitment with a full heart. Second, I need to change habit. Since it's hard for me to change, I didn't have alternative ideas ready.

Then, there is this: my brakes went out on Sunday, and cost $500 to fix, stressing me out...and yesterday I didn't get to start training for my new job because I had to take said car to the shop to fix, and it wasn't ready when I needed it, and by that point it was to late to go into the new job.,..I was upset...even though I had gotten out of my old job with enough time, the car repair shop was the problem....so, I bought another pack of cigarettes.

I know that many of you have said that you have put down the pack and walked away or just thrown them into the trash-most of you had a great incentive to quit-babies on the way, or fathers-to-be, or illness...me, however, I don't have those reasons (although, it will obviously cause illness in the future-this is the present)...so, quitting is something I want to do as much as need to do...and I am going to.

Here's the plan: I am going to finish out the week as a smoker, letting friends help me get into the mind frame of being a non-smoker...and thinking along those lines. Since my car was cleaned out Sunday, and the ash tray is relatively empty, and the nicotine is off the windshield, I am only allowed to smoke one cigarette in the car a day...this should make it easy for me to think that I can't smoke while driving (my ash tray was a disgusting nasty mess because I don't throw my butts out the window, this country is trashed enough without me adding to it). I will continue to seek out the information I need to help me through the first two weeks, and I will cut back from half a pack a day to a fourth a pack a day....that should help.

I am also going to buy some aides to help me quit smoking...something like a pill that makes me believe that if I smoke while taking it, I will endanger my life...that is something I always thought I would need-a pill that makes me think along those dastardly lines....no joke!!!

This has to be done...for myself, more than anything else....and I want it.

Now, my first training day at my new job went well, although they had a presser quit...and I got stuck having to do that job for a while (after doing it for 6 hours at my old job)....it was alright. I will like it there, everyone seems nice, and I feel comfortable there....the music is so much better. No offense, but I am tired of the oldies and that song about having a bad day...and all the emo songs that are played on the top forty....the music they listen to is hip hop, but it's not so bad....it puts a bit of bounce in the step and makes the atmosphere lighter. This isn't to say that I will listen to it all the time, mind you, but it's nice to have a change....and I will still go back to listen to my favorites (right now, I wake up to the classical music station-which is a mistake because it makes me want to just lay in bed and relax rather than get up and face the day).
I believe that I will like it at my new job, and they seem willing to help me, and quick with a smile and a hello....that is the kind of thing that I like to do when I go to work...it puts everyone at ease, and makes it easier to work. Even when I apologized to the assembler on the shirt side for the mistakes with the sleeve press, he said it wasn't a problem, and that is what he got paid to do-one of my favorite lines....lol I was even complimented for being able to figure out their assembling system so quickly (the owner said that was good, and he wasn't surprised since I told him that I could do almost any job in the dc business, he had a smile on his face, and I could tell that he was pleased to have me there).

So, I am looking forward to Monday, even if I have to start out as a shirt presser until they find someone to fill the job....and then I will be the assembler. It will be nice to work Monday through Friday, 9-5 (yes, I am not kidding, that is my hours-when I become assembler), and NO WEEKENDS! I can't wait...this means that I can go out camping this summer-YAY!!! I won't have to worry about going to work during the weekend!!! Oh, and there are benefits!! I get medical and dental after 90 days, and after 6 months, I get a week vacation...with 2 weeks in a year....oh, and in 90 days, I will get a raise also....can you believe it?

I forgot to ask what my pay is...but I will tomorrow when I go in....by the weekend, I will be able to figure out how and when I will be able to get my own place again (I miss my queen size bed!!).
Everyone have a great evening, I am going home to watch Celtic Thunder then a few episodes of Monarch of the Glen before going to bed tonight...I believe that a celebration of Godiva Liqueur is called for tonight, and some peace and tranquility (no one is home, everyone is in Wilmington searching out apartments for my little sister's next college phase) and I am going to enjoy it!!!

~Karol Lynn

Updated News

2008-03-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have some news I forgot to share a while ago, and just plain forgot about it...

I didn't take that job a few weeks ago. It was a part time job way over on the other side of town, and would have cost me more in gasoline to go than it would be worth it...no biggie, I had just counted on it as a loss and be done with it.

However, this morning, I got a call from the manager who was going to hire me for her store...it seems that they have a different job opening in a another store that is full time with a bit of over-time....I guess I am meant to have this job lol I don't know what the pay is, and I still have to talk to the owner this afternoon, but I should be able to start working by next week or so....getting rid of the negative and prejudice that I feel is permeating the two places I work at now.

What this would mean for me is that I will be able to quit the job I hate and not have to work for the second job, making no money for 8 hours a day...I will have a life on Friday nights and not have to worry about certain things.

This also means that by May I will be able to get out of my mother's home and into my own place...can you say "peace and quiet!" lol It will mean that I will not have to worry about stepping on any one's toes and I can have my own rules and freedoms without worrying about others.

This also means that I will be able to afford to do things that I can't right now...and when I can, the first thing I want back in my life is a cat...I miss having a little one laying on my lap as I am reading a book and sipping tea in the afternoons....and I miss having someone who cares greet me at the front door with a little "meow" in hello. I may even get two (you can't have just one after all *giggles*) as I can afford it.

I will be able to work my way through the physical things I need to get through-like a hair cut and color for the first time in over a year...I am looking rather scraggly lately...lol And I would love to get myself a manicure for the first time in years too...I am in need of some major work over here...lol

Also, I forgot to mention that my sister is getting married soon...the gentleman is quite intelligent, kind and very caring. He loves my sister and you can tell. He has this way of subconsciously touching my sister-face, her hand, just little things that lovers do without thinking about it when they are near each other just to have physical contact.

This is nice, because he has given my sister many options-he lives in Dayton, but would be happy anywhere that she and my nephew are, and she can keep working and going to school part time, or go to school full time and quit her job...or she can quit both, it's up to her. They are working out the logistics of where and when, so only time will tell.

I also forgot to mention that my brother's girlfriend isn't pregnant..."apparently" she miscarried when she was supposedly tasered by a cop when she got pulled over in his car (I don't know why she had been pulled over, but it seemed like a routine traffic stop-my mom said)...now I ask you, why would a cop need to taser someone on a routine traffic stop? She was put in jail for a night, and that's when she "miscarried"...weird, because if she were miscarrying, she would have ended up in the hospital, but she stayed in jail. My brother is alright, he had already suspected that she has been lying to him this whole time, because she wouldn't let him go in when he wanted to for the sonograms and things of that nature (not the normal visits, but the special ones)...he was disappointed and upset, but in his heart, he knew that she had aborted his child(ren)...and now he knows that he is capable, even with MS of fathering a child. He will probably move home in the next few months-about the time I am probably moving out.

Now, as of this past semester, my youngest sister has officially been on the Dean's List every semester since her freshmen year at Kent State University (she is a senior this year), and she is going to get her degree this year...and now is looking into colleges to get her Ph.D in English...she's looking closer to home this time because she will be getting her own apartment.

This means that my mother is finally cutting the apron strings with my little sister and maybe she can start being an adult instead of letting mom guide her life outside of college...it's good that they are close, but sometimes I wonder if my mom is having a hard time letting go of her youngest because she is the baby of the family...even if she is 22 years old, she is still our little darling. LOL My poor mother!!

On Palm Sunday (this weekend), I will stop smoking. I have been reading Jenster's Musings lately, and I have realized that I have been taking my own health for granted. I had originally decided that I would quit smoking by the time I was forty, and I am two years away from that now...and I had thought that I would do it on New Year's Eve sometime, but that never happened...so now, I am just going to do it...quit. I will have to break my Lenten promise with the "NO CANDY" bit by using gum sometimes too, but I think Father won't mind that one for the moment-or even mints, and a friend gave me a stop-smoking aromatherapy remedy that has helped her friends quit, so I think I will be alright. However, I will need help here-with accountability...I am in need of others who will ask how I am doing, and how many days I have gone without a cigarette, and I know that I have that in a few people. Hopefully I won't get cranky on everyone....lol I will gain weight, but that is what I originally want to do anyway...I have already resolved to gain 15 lbs by the end of March, and I have already gained 4-5 lbs already, and I am happy about that!

With the last week of online spring cleaning, I have been doing a bit of spiritual self cleaning as well. If you haven't seen it here on this blog page, then I will say that I have gone back to Father and asked for His help in understanding myself and what it was that I needed...there is only one way for me to go, and I deal better with Three in my heart, knowing that it is the right path for me. I do stumble on my journey, but eventually, I will get the message-He has always spoken to me (someday I will relate my salvation story-quite funny and quite interesting), and He always will!!

I am so glad that I am going back along my own path now, I feel like I have gained control of myself, and since I have said the words "Help me, Father", I seem to have gotten the things that I needed and wanted from Him.

Well, there it is. I won't be gaining any new nieces or nephews anytime soon (unless my sister changes her mind about the no babies after 34 deal-which she just might lol), but I will be gaining a new brother....I have a new job with new possibilities and I will stop smoking this weekend. I am also going to be making more changes in the future, and I am hoping that they are good for myself and others....I am sad for my brother, and happy for my sisters, but most of all, I am excited for myself!!

I am also glad to say that construction of this site is almost over. It would seem that things are moving along nicely, and all that is left is going over and catching up on blogs and various things...I will be on forums sometime in the next two days.

Sunday is Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week for me, I will be a bit busy working on my spirituality, and preparing for the Easter Vigil, as well as working towards what I will need for my journey with Father...I love this coming week because it is the countdown to my second birthday-my Baptism...I am always happy to go through my own heart and see what I have learned and how I have grown...of course, I love Easter, and I can't wait to see all of my favorite kidlets dressed in their cutest outfits...lol

Blessings
~Karol Lynn

Celtic Thunder

2008-03-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was surfing through the channels, trying to find Showtime on Demand to watch the next episodes of The Tudors, I stopped on the Cincinnati public television station, thinking that while I was searching out what I was looking for, there would probably be a Celtic Woman or Acuna Concert they would be replaying or something of that nature.

Instead what I found had me stuck on the CET Cincinnati despite the fact that it was pledge week for the channel...I had already missed the first half hour to forty five minutes of the program, but the rest of the program (a two hour special) was enough to have me in absolute awww!!! It was a five man Irish band called Celtic Thunder!! The youngest member is 14, the eldest is 40....they are all so hot and they are very talented...read the bio and then cut and paste the first video first before watching the other ones....

I believe I was in heaven last night (even if I didn't watch The Tudors-that is another blog post).

Under Construction & Online Spring Cleaning/Together We Go

2008-03-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am at it again...lol

Page is under construction, and it is kinda messy. Pardon the mess. It'll take a day or so to cleanup, so don't get frustrated with me. There are still lovely sites I need to add, along with my forums....so that the page looks a bit like it's former glory...if I am missing a blog or a site, it will be added very soon.

I have been doing a bit of online cleanup lately, and I just got rid of a lot of places that were not exactly what I needed, or were taking up way too much time, so I deleted them. I am still wondering if keeping Facebook is worth it all too.

I couldn't get rid of LiveJournal or Myspace, I had invested way too much time and love into both sites, and there are several people there that I love....but the other places weren't what I needed and I didn't have time to work with them.

I do have a new blogstream, however, that I would love to use as a side to this site, and to make friends there....or maybe we will just see what is going on there.

I just had too many irons in the fire, that's all...it's time too just get myself organized and on with it...lol
~Karol Lynn

Oh, and this blog's name is changing to TOGETHER WE GO...it'll be a mirror to my blogstream-different, but similar...

On Writing, Pt 2

2008-02-27T10:26:00.000-08:00

Finishing Constructions/Bad Week Over

2008-02-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I am working on updating most of my pages today...I have been in a great mood for the past few days, and have come up with a tentative idea of what I would love to write about in the near future. I will talk about that in a later post, but for now, I just know what I need to do with this imagination going crazy.

I am having a better day, and I have resolved to have a great weekend and next week will be good too, if things just stay calm inside of my heart (that's the reasons for my Gackt pics yesterday...just a little pick-me-up).

I have been working on my poetry page, and have found some awesome backgrounds for Blogger at Pimp My Profiles...so I am working on getting these sites prettied up...lol

I am finishing up the construction of the pages too...I will have that done soon, and I can't wait...it will give me more time in the future to work on other fun things to do....

I am going home to enjoy a book, some coffee and some Pocky....I am just so glad this bad week is over so that I can continue on with better days....just gotta stay upbeat, and I am...

New Job??

2008-02-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

I have a possibility of a job.

It would seem that another cleaning company is looking for temporary night help...it's a better opportunity than the restaurant. I would work Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. until 7 p.m. and every other Saturday from 9-6.

This would conflict with my first job on Saturdays, and the fact that it is a semi-rival dry cleaners across town. The owner said he didn't mind if I went from them to him, because my first job is not a problem, and the clientele for each of them is different and the closest store he has to it is about ten to eleven miles away, and if I am late on Mondays or Tuesdays, that was alright, because the store he wants me at is across town...close to Chameron's grave site...ok, not a problem.

However, he is also looking at the person who works this shift eventually taking over as manager in the next six months because he is sending the manager at this store to another location closer to the plant store...a definate plus there. He also thinks that with my experience and knowledge, I would be perfect for this job as well.

I have to let this man know by Monday evening what I plan to do, although, I think I already know what it is that I want from this...I will take him up on this, and see what can happen, it may be the best solution to my life, and get me out of my current situation, and giving me a long-term solution to all of my problems, and fulfill my New Year's Resolution...part one...lol

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Whether you spend the day/evening with that someone special who calls you "Sweetheart", "Mommy", "Daddy", "Grandma", "Grandpa"...even if they are 3' tall or 7' tall, young or old...may you have a loved and wonderful evening!!!
~Karol Lynn

Crafts, Crafts, Crafts & Links

2008-02-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

I am online again searching out fun sites to add...mainly for crafts. I will get down to it and add them into my Sites of Interests, but for now, I am having fun just searching the net for fun things to do.

http://www.allcrafts.net/index.htm Since I love crotcheting, scrapbooking, card making, soap making, this site is perfect for a lot of my needs....so far, I have only begun to search out ideas...so many crafts, so little time...lol

http://www.littlebit.com/rubber1.htm This is another site for stamping...which I love...especially embossing I love that heat gun, so much fun to work with and create with, and I miss my supplies...I want to create!! This is a nice site too, if you like freebies, but I haven't tried it yet...lol http://www.craftfreebies.com/index.html

There are so many stamps out there recently, and I am just dying to get my hands on some new ones...

I think I have caught the craft making bug again...lol That's alright. I want to do things that are fun like that.

This weekend, my mom is going to my sister's school to celebrate her birthday, which is Saturday...the ninth...she will be 22 years old. I wish we could all go up there, but I have to work Saturday morning.

I am also going to get back into making my own soaps and candle making...and I am going to get back into aromatherapy and herbology once again.

That's alright, because I am going to rent a movie from the library and enjoy my weekend...even spend a quiet Sunday morning at the First Sunday of Lent...though, that isn't always enjoyable, it's good for the soul and for repentance....

More linkies I find interesting and helpful:

http://www.addictedtorubberstamps.com/

http://www.stampin.com/

http://www.stampusa.com/

http://www.skinsationshandmadegiftsoap.com/

http://www.tartancandles.com/
http://www.naturesgardencandles.com/
http://www.candlewic.com/

Yes, I am planning to be a busy bee for a while...anything to keep my mind and heart occuppied...lol
~Karol Lynn

My Path/Helping Natalie

2008-02-04T15:23:00.000-08:00

I do believe that Jen is right about something...however, my path does have a label, and I really need to explore my faith....my path in order to understand.

Yes, I am a believer in a single God, I call him Father...I do believe that Jesus lived, taught, suffered, died, and as resurrected as well as Ascending into Heaven.

Jen, you are perfectly fine, Sister, you aren't sticking your nose into places where it doesn't belong, you are simply trying to help me find my way...and I do know what that way is, I just need to find a way to fit in in this world.

The night I was baptised, I had to "walk to the waters of baptism", which took me backward through the Stations of the Cross...this is a way that Catholics can live His pain and Passion...on my way, I had looked up and saw one of these stations-the 7th Station where Jesus fell the second time...I prayed in that moment "Jesus, please don't let me stumble"...well, I have, and several times, but I know that he is there with me, and He has picked me up on several occassions.

I am just going to continue on and learn my journey. I know what and who I am, I just need to stop thinking so hard on it...besides, there was a reason or 5,ooo why I had to walk the paths that I have...Natalie and Jen and a host of others are the reasons...but their way has disillusioned me in the past months and I am looking back to the path I have always walked.

Right now, I feel that it is important to share this with you as well:

http://avalonscroll.blogspot.com/ Please read this...it's important that Natalie knows that she has our support, help, prayers and love.

You see, I had always thought that our brethren to the North-Canada had laws that mirrored ours, so I was appalled at the lack of protection that domestic violence victims recieve in their own country...it makes me sick, and I am going to stand up with and for Natalie...all the way. She is my heart sister, and she must be protected...

I know that we have strong laws against domestic violence in the US, but there are still women here who are afraid of their significant other to get out or to prosecute...there are millions of women all over the world who suffer at the hands of these abusers....so do children...so, I am hoping and praying that Natalie's story and law-making action inspires other women to do what they can to get out or to change laws where they are needed....and for those of us who have never suffered at another's hands to reach out, in honour of Natalie and her cause to those women who are victims....remember, it's not just one or two in one country, it's millions all over the world...we need to stand up for each other, to be the sister to our wounded sisters...

The Canadian Military stands side by side with American troops in this war overseas, helping to keep our nations safe....let's use their example by American women standing side by side with our Canadian sisters to make a difference in how they are treated...and to help them demand their rights....

~Karol Lynn

Helping...EMHE

2008-01-28T16:44:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever watched EXTREMEM MAKEOVER HOME EDITION? http://abc.go.com/primetime/xtremehome/index?pn=index Every time I watch this program, I have to watch it with a box of tissues by my hand....
In this show, this team of designers goes out and rebuilds a family's home and their life in one week using hundreds of volunteers. With every family, they learn something new and wonderful about the world around them. They have helped soldiers and their families, children struck by diseases and many many others.
This show is getting to me today, because as I watched last night's program, the father kept saying that he wanted to be like the volunteers who helped him...I got to thinking about that. I tought about what my true passions in life are-I am sure that all of you reading my blogs could tell me, because you have seen it more clearly than I have...I want to be like them-those people who go out and help not for any gain, but for the joy of knowing that I could give more to the world.
As I went through my weekend, this thought wasn't just inspired by the program, but something that a friend told me about in her own neighborhood. Something that so angered me that I can't even sit here to think about how helpless I am here and this person is there in the world without help...maybe I can't sit still in this world....it's time to stop crying over the helpless and see what it is that I can do.
I went to the site for EMHE tonight and I think I am coming up with ideas on what I want to do to help my community, and affect the world.
Keep in mind, my friends, I am not out to set the world on fire, only light a small spark every now and then....

Catching Up/Brandon vs. Heath

2008-01-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am trying to get caught up on my blogs...with so many ups and downs this week, I am all but exhausted over everything...and I am ready to curl up and read a good book while sipping something hot for the rest of the weekend.

Actually, later on tonight, I plan to watch Cold Mountain and just veg out.

Given Heath Ledger's death this past Tuesday, I am reluctant to watch the other one that I had been planning to watch-The Patriot, too close to the heart. I will probably refrain from watching any of Heath's movies for about 2-4 months as a sign of mourning for him...I did the same thing with John Candy-only that lasted a year...

I hate to repeat the same things over and over, but I am just ready to get my life back on the move again. I don't like the job I am at, and I am working on finding a new job, but every now and then it gets frustrating to go out and look...

And the weather isn't helping lately. I just noticed Jen's weather forcaster on her page, and it looks like we are both sharing the same cold weather...only no snow here. I just can't wait until Spring, I am hoping it hurries up and gets here...lol

I wanted to address Heath Ledger's death, and the media's handling of it. It has made me so angry how they are so quick to assume the worst of the young man. Without thinking, and without CONCLUSIVE Autopsy reports, they have jumped to conclusions and made him look bad. What are they going to do when the reports come back that it was something totally unexpected with the medications he had taken? He was suffering from anxiety, stress and insomnia...and if that wasn't bad enough, he was fighting bronchitis....come on, get raal...and the business with Mary Kate Olsen is a big fat joke...leave the man alone.

All of this is going on while a family is taking their son home to be laid to rest, away from them...and a little girl is asking why they are putting Daddy into the ground. A lover is weeping because her best friend is gone, and a father, Mother and sister are asking what happened? Where was everyone while their son was dying...needing answers. So sad, and the media is busy destroying this man's reputation.

Now, one other thing is getting to me....Heath's last role is bothering me....the Joker in Batman. He bares a striking resemblance to another actor who died young-Brandon Lee, who played Eric Draven in the movie THE CROW....now, Brandon was killed on the set by a prop accident, but it's the connection with Brandon's father (Bruce Lee's) death that has me thinking-you never know. Bruce Lee was allergic to Canabus/Marijuana, and they found it in his stomach-a prescribed analgesic that one of his friends gave him when he said he had a bad headache.....could it be? Odd connections for me to make, but it seems plausible...an unknown medication allergy on Heath Ledger's part could have been a possibility.

~Karol Lynn

New News/Heath Ledger

2008-01-24T10:41:00.001-08:00

I was going to tell you some interesting news yesterday, but I got sidetracked...lol

On Monday I went out looking-as usual-for a better job. On a whim, I decided to stop at a dry cleaners...I went in to inquire if they had any positions open, and the lady told me that she didn't know, but the owner was out on sick leave...could I leave my name and availability with her and she would give it to him when he came back on Wednesday or Thursday. I decided to put down my experience at my present job and other jobs within the dry cleaning business, and when she saw it, I could see her eyes dancing...I knew that she was impressed. The lady asked me questions about other areas and my experiences and we chatted for a while, I told her that what I DON'T know about dry cleaning or how to do, I was willing to learn because I needed forty hours a week, and transportation isn't a problem. By the time we were finished I felt like I had done a mini-preliminary style interview...I left my cell phone and home numbers with her and she promised to let the owner know, and told me that if I don't hear anything from them, to not be discouraged because they may not need help right away, but sometimes things don't work out with the inexperienced new help because they don't understand the job...but since I have experience that the owner would DEFINITELY take that into consideration if anything comes up....

There is also something else bothering me....Heath Ledger. I didn't hear about Heath until after writing my last blog and reading WillowLuna's blog on him. I agree with you, my friend, such a tragic waste of a wonderful human life. I loved watching him act, I loved the fact that he didn't conform to Hollywood. I feel so bad for his little girl...may he rest in the Summerlands and may we always remember him with love...no matter what happened.

http://news.google.com/news?hl=en_US&ncl=http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5h_k1n_zmAFHkxYYOBmztTgWLpDIgD8UC989G1

I am just heartbroken over the loss of this young man...he is about the age of my youngest brother...makes me want to cry because his little girl lost a father...and a father lost his little girl...for now.

~Karol Lynn

WICKED the Musical

2008-01-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

I hate to say this, but in a boxing match between WICKED and PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, WICKED would win, by a hair's breath.

http://www.wickedthemusical.com/

The woman who played Elphaba..the Wicked Witch was amazing, you could listen to her for hours!! Carmen Cusack played Christine in the musical Phantom of the Opera too....she is great. For once, you have a feel for what it's like to be someone different from the rest.

The woman who played Glinda did an outstanding job. Her voice and attitude complimented Carmen's perfectly.Katie Rose Clarke played Glinda, and after watching this, you will never be able to watch Glinda in The Wizard of Oz in the same way again...she just MADE Glinda, and it's too bad she was born 50 years after her time....

The conductor was awesome too...Boko Suzuki...he was handsome, too (Japanese, hey, are you surprised-it's ME we are talking about..lol) Every note clicked with the singers and complimented their voices. I think I got lost in the entire musical.

WICKED is the untold story about how and why the Wicked Witch became wicked...how things seem, and what we really learn about ourselves and others-it's about the friendship between Glinda the Good and Elphaba the Wicked Witch. It was well written and crafted out. I can't say anything more than that, except to strongly suggest that everyone see this sometime in their lives, it is well worth the money...

I am going to warn you though, if you go, BE IN YOUR SEAT WHEN THE MUSICAL STARTS!!! After the first 15 minutes, they won't let anyone inside because so much happens in that time, and it sets up the rest of the musical...you would be lost if you didn't see it...and if you didn't see it at all, that would be a waste too.To say that I was highly impressed by this musical is an understatement, I saw why it was a Tony winner and a national sold out show...brilliant

Birthday Gift For Jen

2008-01-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

May my greatest gift have the greatest day...

Happy Birthday, Jen!!!!

Love you!!!
~Karol Lynn

The Gift Of Jen....

2008-01-17T10:35:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last few days, I have been reminded of friendship, and what it means to me....

There is a friend that I totally adore. She, like myself met through being quite in awe of one Outlandish series, and from there friendship bloomed...from book discussions on ABOSAA to Loraks and Nej's, to Awaiting Diana, Catholicism and religion.

Jen has been with me through a lot for the past two years-evictions, frustrations and confusions...I can always look outside of my little sanctuary, and there she is-creating the Spring for me and waiting on the path for me to start back along my journey through life.

I know she prays for me, and I always pray for her....she worries like a sister and loves like one too....she reached out to me, and refused to let go...

Jen always encourages me in my life from hers on that mountain...Jen is another person in this world that I wish to emulate...her heart is so wonderful, her soul beautiful...she has so many qualities that I want for myself. This is not envy, and it's something that is completely understandable for those who know Jen...she brings sunshine and spring into our hearts just by being herself.

Jen reached out to me, and without thought, I grabbed her hand. She didn't expect anything from me, and gives a lot to me. Her patience as I go through the Kookiness that is Karol Lynn, and her wonderful comments on me as a person warm my heart.

You see, Jen, because of the lessons of unconditional love you have given me, I am able to take it out into the world....I am not the only light who shines in the darkness for others.....I am not the only rose in this world!!!

Love you, Jen!!
~Karol Lynn (Lorak)

We Have Diana!!!!

2008-01-15T15:26:00.000-08:00

I was in a foul mood over a friend of mine...something he said that I will talk about later, but I have something for you...

On facebook, I found a group for hopeless Jamie addicts like myself and a few others here....and in a group wall post, I found this:

http://voyagesoftheartemis.blogspot.com/ Yes, that is our dearly beloved Diana Gabaldon's blog....I can hear you guys screaming!!!! YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! Direct contact with Herself!! What fun and excitement!!!

So, I will not talk about that incident until tomorrow, I am way to happy right now...I think I will go tell others what we have found!!! I am so happy!!!

Karol Lynn

My Favorites...Men Of Course

2008-01-12T12:24:00.000-08:00

Today is such a cold and dreary day here, I figured that I would post some pictures of men that I find handsome....

First off, Jen made me a convert: Jonas Armstrong

Next is one of my favorites: Chad Kroeger

How about this one: Mario Frangoulis (a Greek singer with the voice of an angel)

Then there is also this: Johnny Depp (many knew this was coming)

Of course, this has to be put up as well: Orlando Bloom (my personal fav)

And let's not forget, this girl loves the older ones too: Sean Connery

Everyone have a great evening!!!
~Karol Lynn