I am not sure why, but I feel like I am in a weird place these days.
I am thankful for my job and a paycheck, but for some reason, I find myself irritated with the place and the people.
Part of me is thinking of how many of them never change and are always negative. Then again, this job is kind of like my life and my family..."Don't say anything."
The reason I feel that way about my job is because I know that if I voice the things I like or like to do they will make fun of me or talk about it behind my back. They try to make me feel inferior because of the things I like and enjoy. I don't understand this philosophy.
It is crazy because many of these people are uneducated and very ignorant. They like to make others feel less than what they are. They don't want to believe that there is more to life than a drink or ten after work and sitting around watching Dancing With The Stars or some other unintelligent program that seems to bombard the networks these days.
To them, because I like Jane Austen and reading the classics, or my ALA or bettering myself, I am the one to be made fun of...an example is the young man I wrote about a while ago...he too wants to better himself (not be better than them or above them), and they are constantly making stupid comments about him. It is so sad!
There is more to life than living that kind of existence...and I want that...so does R. We want to be human beings who have opinions and intelligent thoughts. I may not always agree with R, but we can have conversations based on the things we learn and intelligence and agree to disagree on a few subjects and not make the other feel inferior, but that much better about themselves than these other people try to make us.
And maybe that is the problem at work...inferiority complexes that make them feel that putting down others will lift them up and make them feel better about themselves....I don't know, I am grasping for explanations here and trying my best to understand this.
The only thing I know right now is that I am going to have to amp up my protection and empowerment rituals every morning and work on shedding the negative as I walk home from work every day so I do NOT fall back into the old routines that Laura Stamps and I worked so hard to eliminate from my life.
I am going to be myself and if they don't like it, I don't care. I will protect myself, empower myself, organize myself and be ME!!! They will not push their defeatist inferiority complexes over on to me.