29 January 2013

Friendships

I haven't found a job yet.  I am finding it harder and harder every day to find something.  I am not disheartened though, I know something great is on its way.

This week, I finally had no other choice but to let a friend of over three years go from my life.  I love her dearly, but her inability to let go of the past and her self centered nature drained me beyond what I could take.

We rarely talked anymore because this person always turned every conversation to herself no matter what the topic was.  She would cut off sentences and not listen.

I know there were times when she tried to take my energies without my permissions and it would HURT to the point that I had to cut her off.  

She finally made the mistake of accusing one of my friends of something that wasn't her fault and not looking closer to the actual culprit.  This is the way she is...all she saw was a person's name and not the place they came from and made sure to make someone I care about feel like garbage.  It was over popularity....and stupidity.  

In the end, letting go of this person cleaned up a lot of the remaining weights left on my shoulder from the past and the crap that happened there.  She never knew that she drained me mentally and that I was always ready to end the conversations because of it.  I am done with it all and I feel better.  

I am ready to totally move forward and be happy with the way things are now.

It made me SEE the ones who are there on a regular basis who don't ask anything of me, they give freely of themselves and accept what I give them freely.  It is easier this way...friendships without any conditions or worries that I am a bad friend when I stand up for myself.

Even Laura gives of her friendship without conditions or wanting to receive anything from me other than what I give to her without reservations.  I like friendships like that.

In the end, it isn't about ME or about THEM but about US and I love that more than anything in the world.


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