23 November 2007

I do believe that I am not being totally honest with myself spiritually. Recently, I had a friend tell me that I am a witch, and I have helped in other ways on the other site with friends. I didn't do it intentionally, and I wasn't out to do any harm.

However, yet again I find myself searching for the spiritual answers to the questions I have been seeking. I don't know how much of what I believe is Christianity and what is Wicca. I do know that I am questioning Christianity a lot lately. I am not doubting the life, teachings and death of Jesus, but I am thinking that this path isn't exactly right for me...I am still having trouble with the single male Deity in my mind. I am also having trouble with a lot of things.

When I went to my last Mass two weeks ago, I couldn't hear what I needed to hear. I felt nothing in that church...no answers there. However, when I went to the Goddess and asked her, I found the answers I sought. I have been back and forth because I never want to make a mistake in my faith and spirituality.

I do believe I am a Witch and I believe that I am capable of doing things on that level...it's not about magick, it's about my spirituality and what I want to do with myself. I refuse to leave this in half measures. It is an all or nothing way for me to go...I can't fake it either, or make myself follow ways that I am always questioning as right.

Now, for Nej and all of my friends all over the net who love to read my poetry....I finally set up the site for my poetry. I have posted fifty of them so far, and the blog can be seen through here...http://dreamsofthebluerose.blogspot.com/ I will be posting all of my work in this blog, and move forward from there...it is best to start at the beginning and take your time through the rest...I am working everyday to pull all of my work from Live Journal, Myspace, and the other site here. I will post poetry on those sites too, but I just want everything consolidated in one spot for my convenience...lol

I don't think I got that job, and I didn't call because the holidays are so hectic, things may still change soon...besides, I have been working my backside off with my two jobs and my car is driving me insane!! I have gotten to rest a bit, but I have a feeling that all of the stresses of the past weeks have started to take their toll on me...I am just getting through everyday as best that I can and hoping to see some positive feedback sooner or later.

Moving out of my mother's house will probably be delayed for a month because of my car situation-although, there is a husband of one of the women I work with who will fix it for the price of the parts and a little extra-he understands that times are rough for everyone. He will probably get to fix it tomorrow. It needs a tune up first and foremost.

Now, I am off to post a few more poems....

1 comment:

Jen said...

Hi Karol!

I am praying for you my friend. I have a hard time commenting objectively here - so I will only say that I am with you, no matter what you choose and love you always!

Hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful!