Jesus Is Knocking At My Door

I am so tired. Everyday without a job seems like one more weight added to my shoulders. It is so frustrating.

I did something stupid AGAIN!! I didn't mean to, and I know that God and I are working on this in me...I have to learn to just ignore this and the situation I LET myself get pulled into. I have been praying all day for salvation from this particular thing.

I am going to spend this weekend reading and relaxing...and getting myself ready for Monday's rounds with the unemployment line and job searching.

Mostly this weekend I plan to read Fiery Cross and get things ready for my group to discuss...if only they would all get there to discuss the topics!! (NO complaining, it is what it is).

I am also going to read the Word and try to get myself back on track and back to basics...to discover what it is that I need to do for God and for myself.

I am making plans and decisions that will help me out in the future...for a job and for my own personal peace of mind.

I am tired of being alone and without a family of my own....so, once I get other things fixed and myself back in church, I am going to see about getting myself a new friend...or friends as it were...lol

This weekend proves to be a time of getting myself back into mental shape for the rest of my life. I cannot live as I have over the past 2-4 years, it isn't healthy for me or those around me....

Jesus is knocking and I need to answer the door...have a great day!

~Karol Lynn

Brothers In Arms Celtic Thunder/Ryan Kelly

Staying Positive

I know it has been five days since I dropped the bomb about loosing my job....please don't worry.

Monday I have an interview that I am looking forward to...it is different from the work I am used to doing, but I hope that it proves to be a nice change...if that is the Lord's path then I am honor-bound to take the road He provides me with.

This week, I have put in more applications and sent so many resume's out, I think I am ready to lay down and cry...but at least they are out there and something is bound to turn up.

I know that millions of people worldwide have lost their jobs and have been laid off in the past five or six years. It is sad, but I think that if we pray and look for solutions to this problem, we will find a way out of this recessive darknes.

I am an American, but I do acknowledge that my country isn't the only one who is suffering...and it makes my heart ache. I will continue to pray for the world in general, and the children of this particular epidemic personally.

I am staying upbeat and positive. I have several people in my world who are supportive of me and encourage me in this time of down turn. I am grateful and thankful for those out there who keep me laughing and sane through this.

I am continually keeping my heart steadfast in the Lord because I know that He is going to carry me through this and show me the way that I must go. He loves me and He doesn't let me down. I am realizing that slowly but surely...lol

This weekend, I am going to spend most of my time preparing for the job interview and with God in prayer and love. I am looking forward to seeing what happens in this interview...however, if it falls through, I have many other applications and resumes out there, I am sure that something will eventually turn up.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

~Karol Lynn

Lost My Job Today

At the end of the day today, my boss handed me a letter and said he was laying me off until September....

WTF??? Forgive the strong language, but I am upset because he let me go when I can do many things in that joint, and kept the part time help, who is only there for three or four hours a day and doesn't do anything...and he kept his lazy manager there. She only works for a half hour out of every hour she is there and spends the rest of the time smoking cigarettes and cussing everyone out!! And I am the one he let go...the one who works and is capable of doing everything.

Worse, he kept the girls he hired AFTER me!!

The reason was that there wasn't any work...funny, there was a ton of it over the last three or four weeks!! Today and last Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were the only days that we were kind of slow!!!

Well, I am shaken, upset and ready to scream, but I am NOT broken!! I will prevail! I have God on my side and in my heart!

After the initial crying jag on the way home from work, I am sitting here after putting in several applications online...although, I am going to have to figure out how to get my resume in some of them, I think I put in enough for today.

I know that many people think that there aren't any jobs out there, but I am sure I can find something...I have faith and I have confidence in myself that I will accomplish this as soon as I possibly can.

I do not wish those people ill, and in September I don't think I will go back to work for them...they have treated me poorly over the year that I have worked with them...the foul language and the poor attitudes of the ones around me only brought me down and made me into an uptight, upset person and I am glad I am gone. I feel sorry for those who are left.

Anyway, I am just going to keep praying and keep my heart close to God in this.

~Karollynn

Oral Surgery, Confession...

I know, it's been a while since I blogged here....and did reviews for books.

I am so sorry. I have been recovering from my oral surgery and kind of keeping a low profile because we have vacationing people at work and that means that my work life becomes a stupid existance for that time period...I become a basis lackey doing two or three jobs all day while others get lazier as the week goes by.

I am getting ready to schedule my own vacation from work. I probably won't go anywhere except to the park and the library, but I will still get time off, and I definately deserve that....everyone else at work has taken tons of time off, and I only took a few days for illness and oral surgery...I am definately due...lol

I am mostly reading books, walking in the park or just basically reading the Bible. I need the kind of encouragement that comes from a Higher Love, and He definately provides it for me.

I gave up on The Purpose Driven Life because there was something about the book that didn't sit right with me...and no, this wasn't a Catholic/Protestant thing going on...it just felt like the book was nothing but hokie and drivel...so I didn't finish the book.

I am reading books on Mary, The Holy Mother and on the aspects of the Sacraments...I love those.

Of course, I am just happy that I will FINALLY get to Mass this week.

I haven't been to Mass in four weeks...I couldn't go for the ones before last because I had to go to Confession for something I did that I couldn't live with and needed God to forgive me for...and I had to forgive myself for....I also couldn't take the Eucharist in that state of mortal sin...it is against the laws of God.

I went to my first confession a week ago. I had never been, and was expecting some serious judgement from the priest...instead the man was kind...this probably wasn't the first time he had heard someone confessing my particular sin before, so he wasn't shocked or anything...he did have me say the Act of Contrition twice as I drove home from there....it seemed so easy.

It was easier that I had expected because God had forgiven me for that sin BEFORE I had confessed it...I had to forgive myself for hurting God as I did. I have a feeling the Act Of Contrition was for me more than for God....to focus my own mind on where God and I stood in the face of my sin...

After going to Confession, I wondered why Catholics don't do this more often...this is a cleansing of the mind and soul. There isn't anything bad in it, and the priests have probably heard far worse that what you have to tell them.

Last week, my mouth hurt so much from the oral surgery (5 teeth pulled and 5 stitches), that I didn't really want to go anywhere...I wanted to heal.

Well, this week, I am back to my normal self and am ready to go to Mass and get my act back together.

Have a great weekend!!
Karol



"Jesus Christ died so that Father would forgive me for my sins...the least I could do is repent and try to keep from sinning again.."
~Karol Lynn

Oral Surgery And My BDR Fix

I am going to spend most of tomorrow having oral surgery.

I know you are thinking that is so not fun...and maybe it isn't, but the dentist performing the surgery is so gorgeous, I think I will be able to live with the pain and sedation and numbing of my mouth...lol

I have my book list all lined up and ready to go....J.R. Ward's LOVER UNBOUND...I am going to read Vishous' story. I am in the beginning of it, but I am going to be all over this while I am in bed sick!!

I am thoroughly hooked on this vampires recently...to the point that I have added some more fun to my blog here....check out the Stephanie Meyers and Acheron widgets...both of which i am total fans of!!

I just wish I could find some more cool widgets for the Black Dagger Brotherhood and tons of other cool stuff!!

Reminds me, gotta add Warchild back in to here...lol

Anyway, this weekend, I will be out of commission, so if you actually do see me on Facebook, Myspace or Twitter saying some weird stuff...ignore me, the Vicodin will eventually wear off....you can make fun of me when I am coherent!!

I am just putting up some cutesy stuff to feed my BDR fix....

Writing and Sacred Space

I am going to begin to evaluate my life to this point..I feel that I am failing myself when it comes to accomplishing my goals and dreams.



I spend more time reading than I do writing...and that is my dream.



I want to write that great novel instead of having my head buried in one.



I guess that in order to do this, I must begin with the cliche...that first step.



I know I can accomplish this, it is a matter of getting to a place where I can do it. I need that sacred space where the world cannot interfere with what I wish to accomplish. Again, this is hard, but if I stop crying about it and just do it, there shouldn't be that much of a problem....



Besides, if I can find the time and energy to go to the library and write in an online blog...why is it so hard to stop and take the time to find a place and time to write what I need to???



I wish I had a place somewhere that is totally private and easy to get to online where I could write....blah!!!!



I will figure this out!



~Karol

Currently Reading J.R. Ward

Forgive me for not being around all month...I have had dental issues and a lot of laziness this month...basically trying to get from one end of this month to the other.

I began reading J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood, and I am completely hooked on this series.

It is a paranormal romance series where vampires are born, not created and the ones who love them.

http://www.jrward.com/

The Brotherhood:

In the shadows of the night in Caldwell, New York, there's a deadly turf war going on between vampires and their slayers. There also exists a secret band of brothers like no other - six vampire warriors, defenders of their race. Among them, none relishes killing their enemies more than Wrath, the leader of the Black Dagger Brotherhood...

***from J.R. Ward's web site.

We begin with Wrath...The Blind King:

Dark Lover:

The only purebred vampire left on the planet, Wrath has a score to settle with the slayers who murdered his parents centuries ago. But when one of his most trusted fighters is killed- orphaning a half-breed daughter unaware of her heritage or her fate - Wrath must usher the beautiful female into the world of the undead…Racked by a restlessness in her body that wasn't there before, Beth Randall is helpless against the dangerously sexy man who comes to her at night with shadows in his eyes. His tales of brotherhood and blood frighten her. But his touch ignites a dawning hunger that threatens to consume them both…

Then we have Rhage:

Lover Eternal:

Within the brotherhood, Rhage is the vampire with the strongest appetites. He’s the best fighter, the quickest to act on his impulses, and the most voracious lover—for inside him burns a ferocious curse cast by the Scribe Virgin. Possessed by this dark side, Rhage fears the times when his inner dragon is unleashed, making him a danger to everyone around him.
Mary Luce, a survivor of many hardships, is unwittingly thrown into the vampire world and reliant on Rhage’s protection. With a life-threatening curse of her own, Mary is not looking for love. Her faith in miracles was lost years ago. But when Rhage’s intense animal attraction turns into something more emotional, he knows that he must make Mary his alone. And while their enemies close in, Mary fights desperately to gain life eternal with the one she loves…

Then on to my personal favorite so far, and the one I am currently finishing:

Zhadist:

Lover Awakened:

A former blood slave, the vampire Zsadist still bears the scars from a past filled with suffering and humiliation. Renowned for his unquenchable fury and sinister deeds, he is a savage feared by humans and vampires alike. Anger is his only companion, and terror is his only passion—until he rescues a beautiful aristocrat from the evil Lessening Society.
Bella is instantly entranced by the seething power Zsadist possesses. But even as their desire for one another begins to overtake them both, Zsadist’s thirst for vengeance against Bella’s tormentors drives him to the brink of madness. Now, Bella must help her lover overcome the wounds of his tortured past, and find a future with her…

This is as far as I have read so far...I am currently finishing Zhadist's story and planning to start LOVER REVEALED this weekend, which is the story of the only Human among the Brotherhood...Butch O'Neal and his love for a female vampire.

I will give you a review of the the books as I finish the series.



I like J. R. a lot. Her writing style is raw and down to earth...and I love the Brothers. I think that between them and the Dark Hunters, I am in heaven!!
~Karol Lynn

Lenten Promises

I am going to try to get here at least once a week during Lent.

This is my favorite time of year. A time of cleansing and renewal in Christ Jesus.

It's a time of reflection, and challenge to the mind to become a better person in Christ...notice I didn't say "better Christian", but "better person in Christ"?? To be honest, I truly hate that expression because becoming a "better Christian" doesn't have a true defined meaning...we are Christian, but we are people and we must always strive to be a better person FOR GOD and CHRIST, not just a better Christian.

Don't get me wrong, I love being defined as Christian, but I find that word can often define what we are SUPPOSED to be rather than what we have the potential to become...it becomes an accusation when we fail to be Christian. I prefer to be a person IN CHRIST who tries to follow what Jesus taught us to be, and not what society's preconcieved notions are...or what the churches define Christianity as...

No, I am a unique individual, a person, a Child of God through my Lord Jesus Christ. I love many things, and am many things....the judgement for me is not man's standards, but Father's...in the end, I will be asked what I did in the silent name of Christ, I will be asked how I used His example, and was His example here on earth...the name by which I am called won't matter, unless it is the names He has given me....the one I was born with and the one I was confirmed with.

The rest of this Lenten season will have me keeping my promises....a way of restoring me to the newness that He wants me to be.

This year, I am not giving up anything. I will cut back on my soft drinks, but I feel that the best way to do this is if I LEARN something instead of giving something up....my promise for Lent is to TRY to be and example of Christ and to SEE Christ in others, and how I may improve example to others....in all ways.

I guess I am still exploring this aspect, and I am looking forward to seeing how it goes.

The forum I created is still under construction, but I am hoping to work on it and get it running smoothly soon!

~Karol Lynn

General Words (2 Cor. 1:3-7)

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

2 corinthians 1:3-7

Just a thought for the day.

I am working on clearing out a lot of things that need to be cleaned...the many blogs and things that are harmful to myself. I just need the cleansing for the time being.

There is also a plan in my mind to create something soon...I need to work it out in myself and then I will bring it here as soon as I can.

I am also working on getting my own place...I know I have said this before, but with car repairs and other less than desirable expenses, I have had to place things on a slight hold plan for the time being.

I am ready to get out of on my own again and be able to sit down to my own place once again.

Also, soon I will post at Awaiting Diana, the Blog about some of the books I have been reading lately. I have been a bit behind in doing that, but it will be in soon.

Time to go and await my sister's return home for the weekend!!

~Karol Lynn