Advent 2009

Advent Wednesday, December 2, 2009 - 11:10 AM
	I have decided that this year for Advent, I want to use the gifts that Father has given me to BE a gift to him. Everyday of Advent, I want to find some way to give something of my self to the world in general. Today is the First Wednesday of Advent... We are waiting for the joyful morning when our Lord came to earth to save us from the fires of hell and to give us hope and joy, even through suffering. Unfortunately, suffering for me has become a regular thing lately...I lost my job again. The woman that I wrote about let me go because she thought I made "too many mistakes" and I think it was because she didn't like me and wanted me gone sooner....oh well, I am just going to let it go and let Father handle her. I know in the long run that He will take care of her and her issues. So, here I am trying to be a gift to God without a job or idea on how I would do this great task...lol I have been watching people in the malls and everywhere this past week and weekend and am astonished by the lack of respect they show others and the weariness in their faces...these are tough times and money is tight everywhere and you see it on the faces of everyone around you. It makes me want to cry...but I say an even bigger prayer to God to help these people find joy even in these hard times. I count my blessings everyday and I know that I am loved...but not accepted by the one I love. She doesn't know or understand me or the things I do. This past weekend, my loved one got on me about a lot of things....and lately I am beginning to understand and accept that though I love her, my mother and I will never be close and I will never be able to share anything with her...but I will continue to try in many ways to keep from loosing her. I just won't try to put myself out where she can do the things she does and to not let her get to me. It is ok. I am not mad or hurt over this....just a bit sad. A friend and I are doing a project for a needy family. We are going to give them the Christmas that they cannot afford. We enlisted the help of other former classmates to do this with the understanding that the only reward we will get from this is knowing that somewhere out there, a child will smile and a family will look to Christ and see what the true meaning of Christmas and the life of Jesus was about. I do not want a thank you, just the knowledge that somewhere a family is happy. Happy Advent to all!!! ~Karollynn

Ash By Gackt

The voices laughing together
Drifting in the wind
The glittering setting sun is a promise for tomorrow

I found you
By the light of the moon
The fading dream of a time that's lost its lustre

Even the peace which will never be again,
Is ruined again and again
The hatred welling up within burns out this sky...

The murmurs of the forest are a gently singing voice.
A dream that brings just a tiny bit of happiness.

Even through this freezing pain, i learned about kindness
If i could make it all go away, i'd have no use for this heart
Ash

If this body merely burning out of control for you is enough,
I'd give it all to you,
So that i never forget this sadness,
I traced the lines of my tears over and over again with a knife.

In the warped air of the dawn,
You were there, by my side.

Gackt...Longest Title I Have Ever Heard!!

Fragrance By Gackt

Joyful Things....Updating Things

I am working on walking in the Spirit Of God, and with Him.

I began reading Elizabeth George's A WOMAN'S WALK WITH GOD, and the study guide that accompanies it. I know that this can give me strength to get through my life.

Recently, I had a setback with my temper. God had to intervene and remind me that we already took care of that particular fault...and gave me to opportunity to redeem myself from that bout.

Everyday, I pray for His strength in patience, mercy, love, kindness, faith and forgiveness...and I get pushed on them on a regular basis.

I know God isn't giving me anything more than I can handle...and maybe pushing a little more on me each day. He knows me, and He is there knowing me...it is up to me to pass or fail each day. I hope I have passed more times than I have failed.

My reading habits have changed dramatically over the past few weeks. I have been reading more Inspirational Romances and Personal Inspiring Enrichment books along with almost daily Bible reading...they have calmed me quite considerably.

This year, I am excited about Advent and Christmas. It is my wish and prayer to make this holiday about Christ coming in the form of an infant.

Even though I love giving gifts to others, I have often wondered what gift I have given to Christ and to God....this year, I am going to search myself and see what I give to Them, and what They give to me. It is going to be a great time of discovery for me and for Them...I know they will love it as much as I will.

I have also started going back to the old way of keeping a journal...pen and paper, my favorite way to do things...so much fun for me. It helps to get all of the emotions out at one time and to think rationally about many things.

Almost all of my entries have been positive and about positive things happening in my life rather than negative. That makes me very glad.

Another part of my life has been going very well....in the past few months, my mother and I have somehow ended up with a closer relationship. I have never had a great relationship with my mother, only thought that we would always love each other and that we were two different people who would never have a close relationship. Recently God has been changing that in many ways, and I am rejoicing because I love the direction we are taking together. It was always a fond dream and prayer to get closer to my mother, but I never tried until God put us both into a comfortable spot together. Praise be to God for this new relationship.

I also find myself less annoyed with my mother and/or the the things she says to me...it doesn't sound like she is trying to get to me. Besides, I do more around the house for her because I like seeing the smile on her face. It makes me joyful.

I am still having some patience issues at work with a co-worker, but I know God is there helping me and lifting me up out of it.

I just pray everyday, and I know He will help me do what I need to do.

Karol